The BrotherLarry Miracle Prayer Cloth

[BrotherLarry]

I recently bought new sheets.

While I was anointing them with oil and wondering what to do with the old ones, asking God to shew unto me the answer, He spoke to me and said He was filling my 700 thread count used sheets with His virtue. He directed me to offer a swatch to anyone in need of a special miracle no matter what the need. Skeptical? Just read what LP of NY wrote me just this morning:

“I was in need of a miracle when I saw your post about miracle swatches. I sent my last $75 as a small token of my faith and my miracle is due to happen any day now. It’s miraculous.”

WOW. Praise God and Jesus Christ. The Lord asks that you send a token faith gift of at least $75 for minor miracles and $300 for major ones. For hopeless cases, God asks for $1000 or more. You can also join my new Miracle a Month program for $2500/month. This is a special swatch program in which you receive a different swatch each month to pin on your under garment and then sit back while month after month miracles flow your way. WOW.

Those interested please let me know. Remember God says if we have the faith of a mustard seed, He will move mountains. But the token offering is necessary in this case to unleash His virtue. So don’t fail Jesus! Order yours today! Makes a thoughtful gift!

[BibleReader2231]

Re: The BrotherLarry Miracle Prayer Cloth

Now I know what to get my Pa for Christmas! I can’t wait to see the look on his face when he finds this for him under the tree.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: The BrotherLarry Miracle Prayer Cloth

Larry dear, I hope you're not backsliding into your old Catlick ways? You know what Pastor Zeke had to say about that last time.

Sounds neat. I love blankets. I'll inquire further after my next paycheck.

Given the amount of time you're spending posting on here during what are presumably working hours at Barnes and Noble, I'd be surprised if you get one. Unless of course you work shifts, hauling crates in the warehouse.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: The BrotherLarry Miracle Prayer Cloth

As a sales consultant, that wouldn't be work bereft of me.

That sentence is bereft of sense.

I don't do the weekend shifts, so it's irrespective.

As is that one.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: The BrotherLarry Miracle Prayer Cloth

With my dyslexia I get confused sometimes, sorry. Good with numbers, struggle with words sometimes, that's how I got the job.

Dyslexia (a made-up condition to excuse laziness) generally affects reading, writing and spelling, rather than the wanton misuse of words. What you have appears to be something entirely different. True Christian(tm) charity, combined with a general lack of interest in your seemingly endless problems, prevents me from naming it.


But we are disrupting Brother Larry's important thread. Larry, please, please tell me that you are not being tempted into the "relics and miracles" business yet again. You know it won't end well.

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: The BrotherLarry Miracle Prayer Cloth

Brother Larry, I've graciously decided to order one of your stained sheets to give my beaner maids to share in lieu of their monthly pay. They're a bunch of Catlick heathens, so I'm sure they'll really appreciate my thoughtful gesture. The money will be better off in your hands, rather than flowing into the coffers of the Unholy See.

As a sales consultant,

What sales are they consulting you about, fatty? Twinkies?

[BrotherLarry]

Re: The BrotherLarry Miracle Prayer Cloth

I assure you there is nothing papist about my prayer cloth. Everyone from Oral Roberts to Peter Popoff has offered them but none has ever been as powerful as these will be with the proper offering.

Those who have indicated interest need to tell me how many and which miracle level you desire so I send the right ones. If you have a problem deciding which you need, I would go with the higher price so you don’t miss out.

All of the offerings will help reach souls on my next mission to Key West this winter. Order by Thanksgiving so you have something to thank Jesus for at your holiday table.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: The BrotherLarry Miracle Prayer Cloth

Yeah, back to that. I'm sure Mr. Larry won't reject a 'sinner's' money if I want the blanket bad enough.

Blanket? Who said anything about a blanket? Are you trying to get me in trouble with the Lord?

[BrotherLarry]

Re: The BrotherLarry Miracle Prayer Cloth

I need 4 sewn together one, is there a 4 for 1 deal? Let's talk. If theres material left over, I'd like one for my cat.

Just multiply times four. Know that God doesn’t hear the prayers of sinners except the sinners prayer. An extra offering might help.

Don’t get me wrong: God doesn’t sell miracles. But giving brings blessings. Our God is a good God. Praise His Name!

[BrotherLarry]

Re: The BrotherLarry Miracle Prayer Cloth

I am pleased to report that all prayer cloths were sold. I was considering making them available for Christmas but it’s so much trouble to pray over a sheet and then cut it up and send it out when there are heathen souls to witness to at this holy season of the Baby Jesus. Maybe Easter will find me rested and ready to get some more together. In the meantime I am so blessed by the millions of praise reports you’ve sent telling me of the miraculous miracles experienced as a result of the cloths. I am not surprised that the ones reporting the best miracles are from those who gave the most. Praise be!

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Re: The BrotherLarry Miracle Prayer Cloth

Thanks for the cloth Larry. It was so helpful when cleaning up a particularly messy accident.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: The BrotherLarry Miracle Prayer Cloth

Thanks for the cloth Larry. It was so helpful when cleaning up a particularly messy accident.

God gets all the glory.

Your $5 donation was most generous and will be used in furtherance of His kingdom. Would you like notification of the next set of cloths?

God bless you for your faithful support of my homer ministry. As a love gift I am sending you a dvd of my encounters with the men of Provincetown Massachusetts over Bear Week.