[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Hands Off Anti-Masturbatory Gum

This is what I give Tater.

I know your Grandson is much younger, but it's worth a try. Duct tape works well too.

Helpful, Sister Thumper

[SalvationSeeker]

Re: Choo-choo Choking

I suggest that you make him a Godly eunuch for the sake of heaven.


For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men:
and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.
Matthew 19:12


I am sure that Jesus will guide you in this decision.
Praise!

[Old Man Hatchet]

Re: Choo-choo Choking

I pray the boy should be so lucky. However, Brother Hatchet could place a tightly-wound rubber band around the offending choo-choo (and those other bobbly bits); the infant would soon associate his groin with terrible pain, which only abates with the blackening and the dropping-off of his unmentionables ... behold, a new Eunuch for Christ©.

Thank you to all for the creative suggestions. After a great deal of deliberation, I am opting for Mrs. Rogers' compassionate advice. The boy will be able to sing like an angel and will surely be the star of the church choir. It would be cruel not to let his naughty bits fall off like rotten fruit. Besides, I have plenty of other grandsons to carry on the Hatchet name.

[Ixi]

Re: Choo-choo Choking

Don't hurt him. If you want him to stop, just use the oil pastor suggested.

[Old Man Hatchet]

Re: Choo-choo Choking

Don't hurt him. If you want him to stop, just use the oil pastor suggested.

Sorry, young lady. When I first caught him making his hand the conductor of his choo-choo, I boxed his ears. To my dismay, the revolting child appeared to derive pleasure from it. I'm afraid he is a bit of a masochist, and therefore no amount of punishment will stop him from his "train rides." It's better to get rid of the problem completely. And believe me, if you could hear the church choir as of late, you would agree with my decision.

[Old Man Hatchet]

Re: Choo-choo Choking

Swaddling is the answer.

Brother, I considered your idea, but in the end I was worried that he could "Houdini" his way out. And as entertaining and suspenseful as that would be, the problem would still remain unsolved.

[Enobarbus]

Re: Choo-choo Choking

Thank you to all for the creative suggestions. After a great deal of deliberation, I am opting for Mrs. Rogers' compassionate advice. The boy will be able to sing like an angel and will surely be the star of the church choir. It would be cruel not to let his naughty bits fall off like rotten fruit. Besides, I have plenty of other grandsons to carry on the Hatchet name.

A wise choice Brother, a wise choice, and I am sure that there is more than coincidence involved, Praise Him, in that I am admirably situated to help and advise you in this matter.

My experience on Godless New Zealand farms as a child during school-holidays, means that I am well-acquainted with just the equipment that you need for this job.

You are no doubt aware that sheep and cattle are emasculated on farms, but perhaps not so well aware that the method described by our dear Sister Mrs Rogers is often used -- specially made rubber rings are placed over the animals testicles with a special tool, and within two to three weeks the naughty bits fall off.

Here is an image of the tool needed. I have arranged to have one sent to you immediately. I have included one of the surgical appliances pictured as well, but recommend that it not be used unless the ring method fails. Surgical removal has disadvantages -- bleeding, the possibility of infection, etc -- that the ring method circumvents.

There is information about the use of these tools here:

http://www.sheep101.info/201/dockcastrate.html

[Old Man Hatchet]

Re: Choo-choo Choking

A wise choice Brother, a wise choice, and I am sure that there is more than coincidence involved, Praise Him, in that I am admirably situated to help and advise you in this matter.

My experience on Godless New Zealand farms as a child during school-holidays, means that I am well-acquainted with just the equipment that you need for this job.

You are no doubt aware that sheep and cattle are emasculated on farms, but perhaps not so well aware that the method described by our dear Sister Mrs Rogers is often used -- specially made rubber rings are placed over the animals testicles with a special tool, and within two to three weeks the naughty bits fall off.

Here is an image of the tool needed. I have arranged to have one sent to you immediately. I have included one of the surgical appliances pictured as well, but recommend that it not be used unless the ring method fails. Surgical removal has disadvantages -- bleeding, the possibility of infection, etc -- that the ring method circumvents.

I will heed your Godly advice and elastrate before I emasculate. To demonstrate my gratitude, I am sending you a loaf of my wife's delicious spiced prune bread. Bless you, dear Brother.

[SUV]

Re: Choo-choo Choking

Don't hurt him. If you want him to stop, just use the oil pastor suggested.

Oh, don't Hurt me! Don't Hurt Me!!!

Just what sort of True Christian do you consider yourself to be, with an attitude like that?!!

SUV

[Enobarbus]

Re: Choo-choo Choking

Oh, don't Hurt me! Don't Hurt Me!!!

Just what sort of True Christian do you consider yourself to be, with an attitude like that?!!

SUV

I'm afraid that the poor child Iksy (and her family) has yet to find the Lord, Sister. It is clear that the demon of licentiousness has them in a vice-like grip and they have abandoned themselves to their carnal desires, let the lusts of the flesh run rampant in their lives, and embraced all manner of debauchery. Despite their youthfulness, whoredom and harlotry has become the rule rather than the exception in their sad lives and they are on an ineluctable course to the raging sulphurous flames of the pit lest they see the error of their ways, repent, accept Jesus as their Lord and Saviour, and check into the main office at Landover to arrange a tithing regime.

Let us always remember these poor children in our prayers.

[Larry Lee]

Re: Choo-choo Choking

There is information about the use of these tools here:
http://www.sheep101.info/201/dockcastrate.html

I remember we once recommended this paraphernalia and associated protocol to Liberal Edwards (for his personal use only), and we haven't heard from him since.

[Witch Hammer]

Re: Choo-choo Choking

Brother Hatchet, you may find this link to be useful, if your decision to castrate the boy isn't already set in stone:

Victorian Anti-M'ing Devices






I don't know if they're available for purchase, but I'd be happy to try to rig a similar device(s) for your grandson, in my basement workshop. I like to tinker, and I have plenty of odd components (wires, battery packs, PVC pipe, thumb tacks, etc.) laying around, I'm sure I could fashion something to prevent the child from going blind, mad, and ultimately, to hell.

[Ixi]

Re: Choo-choo Choking

There should be people praying for you and YOUR families!

[Brother V]

Re: Choo-choo Choking

There should be people praying for you and YOUR families!

There are.

YIC
V