[Morton Weinstein]

Death comes to us eventually. It may be a friend, a loved one, a colleague. But it comes. It comes. It came to me this past week and I would love to share how I coped with it.


As some of you know, my father died, leaving me with considerable wealth. He left behind my grieving mother, who took to her bed and basically refused to move from there. She developed decubiti (bed sores) and oy the smell and viscous discharge. Even nurses had to wear special respirators that helped defeat the aroma. Well, when I finally got up the courage to visit, she looked at me, said she loved me, and passed away. She remained Jewish so I imagine she is burning in Hell although some Christians have told me God will forgive His Chosen People - the Jews - come the Day of Judgment. If He does, He does. I know I'm Heavenbound.


So how did I get through this? I prayed, of course. It didn't hurt that mother's wealth is also now mine. But money doesn't buy a mother's love. It does buy a 22 foot yacht, however, on which I sit and write this. It helps relieve the pain to know my God has blessed me with this beautiful boat which seems to attract the attention of young ladies. None of them have come aboard. Oy the difficulty of courtship. As I sit here in my sweater and watch the waves beat up against the dock (I don't know how to drive the boat yet) I remember the times I spent at Mother's knee listening to her tell me how important it is to marry a good Jewish girl and I am thinking, "Nah. I want a good woman who loves Jesus and knows how to cook knishes with mustard and a decent macaroni and cheese." I don't have many good memories of my mom because she pretty much hated me after I accepted the Savior I killed. "Those Christians will never accept you," she said.


I hope she's wrong. Have a good Sunday.


Morton W.

[Isabella White]

Oh, Dear Morton, I am so sorry to read of your loss. I know how terribly difficult this is to you (and to your entire family) at this time, and I hope you will accept my heartfelt sympathy and condolences. I know we've had our words on other parts of the forum but, sincerely, I do wish you comfort and encouragement during this very difficult time.

Sincere sympathy to you, dear Morton, and you are in my prayers,
Isabella W.

[Dennis Lukes]

Originally Posted by Morton Weinstein

She remained Jewish so I imagine she is burning in Hell although some Christians have told me God will forgive His Chosen People - the Jews [sic] - come the Day of Judgment.

Nope.

Sorry for your loss, Morty. Hopefully the thoughts of your parents' brutal and eternal torture at the hands of Hell's demons will serve to keep you on God's righteous path.

Make no mistake. Jesus personally struck your parents dead for their complicity in His temporary death (Matthew 27:25). He will never forget what the Jews did to Him, and He will never forgive. Your only chance of placating His rage is to stop being a Jew this instant.

[Morton Weinstein]

Mr. Lukes and Mrs. White:


Such kind words. Once I hired a man to operate my boat my grief subsided greatly. I would like to personally invite both of you to come out in the Atlantic Ocean with me over the Independence Day holiday for some fishing, wine, and worship. It would bring my heart joy to see you in the water.


Mrs. White, since you live so close, perhaps you can visit regularly and we can become fast friends. You kind of look Jooish, you know. Of course I am sure you aren't. Mr. Lukes, you also have a certain Jooish appearance. Perhaps in your ancestry is a Mordecai or Abraham or Yousuf. Don't be so sure to answer no! I look forward to spending the holiday with both of you. RSVP. Anyone else in the area or whoever wants to make the trip here, feel free.


There will be a small boarding cover charge and a small charge for the food and beverages. Hey, I'm not made of money here. Well, sort of, but you know how it is.


Morton W.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Originally Posted by Morton Weinstein

Mrs. White, since you live so close, perhaps you can visit regularly and we can become fast friends. You kind of look Jooish, you know.

There is really no need to be quite so offensive, Morty, particularly towards a lady of Sister Isabella's standing in our community. Shame on you! Try to remember Ephesians 4:31-32 (even though the final part of verse 32 does not apply to your kind).

Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

[Isabella White]

Originally Posted by Morton Weinstein

Mr. Lukes and Mrs. White:

Such kind words. Once I hired a man to operate my boat my grief subsided greatly. I would like to personally invite both of you to come out in the Atlantic Ocean with me over the Independence Day holiday for some fishing, wine, and worship. It would bring my heart joy to see you in the water.

Mrs. White, since you live so close, perhaps you can visit regularly and we can become fast friends. You kind of look Jooish, you know. Of course I am sure you aren't. Mr. Lukes, you also have a certain Jooish appearance. Perhaps in your ancestry is a Mordecai or Abraham or Yousuf. Don't be so sure to answer no! I look forward to spending the holiday with both of you. RSVP. Anyone else in the area or whoever wants to make the trip here, feel free.

There will be a small boarding cover charge and a small charge for the food and beverages. Hey, I'm not made of money here. Well, sort of, but you know how it is.
Morton W.

Oh, dear Morton: Thank you so much for your sweet message and very kind offer to spend the 4th with you. I do so appreciate your thoughtfulness, but I am afraid that I have other plans for the day. You see, my sister (Agatha) has her friend, Priscilla, visiting from Toronto, and we'll spend the day enjoying a lunch and light refreshments, with some other ladies, in my garden and gazebo. But, thank you, just the same.

And that's so nice of you to offer to take me on your boat, although I must mention that I have a bit of a phobia about water. You see, I no longer can swim, as I rely on my cane for most of the time. And, as for you charging a fee for your luncheon, that would have been no problem whatsoever. As a matter of fact, I would have been more than happy to prepare some fried chicken, potato salad and other goodies (including a beautiful flag cake) to help you during this burdensome financial time. I do realize you've had your expenses mounting lately, with your dear mother's funeral plans and all, so please, you need not be embarrassed about asking for assistance.

Thank you once again, very kindly, and if I should miss speaking with you in the next little while, may I take this opportunity to wish you a very Happy 4th of July.

Sincerely, Isabella W.
P.S. I should mention that you are the first person to say that I look Jooish. I hadn't thought of that earlier, although I think the explanation is that since I am a child of the King of the Joos -- the self -- I am positive that that might have something to do with it. But, you can rest assured that I have never -- no, not once -- covered a mirror in my entire life.

[Isabella White]

Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey

There is really no need to be quite so offensive, Morty, particularly towards a lady of Sister Isabella's standing in our community. Shame on you! Try to remember Ephesians 4:31-32 (even though the final part of verse 32 does not apply to your kind).

Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

Oh, thank you so much, dear Sister Joanna. My, I do so appreciate how you've come to my aid here. But, please -- worry not; I think Morton meant things kindly, even if he does have a rather brusque manner with his presentation.

A blessed day to you, dear Sister Joanna,
Sincerely, Isabella W.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Originally Posted by Isabella White

But, you can rest assured that I have never -- no, not once -- covered a mirror in my entire life.

Well, Sister, you certainly have no reason to as you are a fine-looking woman. But (having assumed there was something behind your mention of this) I looked it up - what very bizarre habits these Joos have. I have never understood their need to sit and shiver, either. I understand that if there's a corpse in the room you need to turn the aircon on full, but why not just put on a sweater?

I'm sure you're right about Morty. He tries hard, but he lacks True Christian™ tact and social skills. With our help, I hope he can learn to be a better person.

[James Hutchins]

Call me a realist, but a dead heb is like a dead cat. Smelly for a while but soon enough, scavengers come and get rid of the remains.