Go Back   The Landover Baptist Church Forum > Landover Today! > The Thrifty Christian
Reload this Page Blue Light Special: Freehold Bible Robot v. 1611
The Thrifty Christian Business, Investing and Finance Tips for True Christians™

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
(#1)
Old
Born Again Bob's Avatar
Born Again Bob Born Again Bob is offline
True Christian™
True Christian™

True Christian™ Christian Love Real American™ Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year Long service medal, 3rd class True Christian™ Eunuch. Persecuted Porn Resistant Super Soaker Baptism Award Punched the most queers Pro-Life Mission to Las Vegas True Heterosexual™ True Christian Hotrodder

 
Posts: 2,442
Join Date: Sep 2006
Born Again Bob will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Born Again Bob will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Born Again Bob will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Born Again Bob will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Born Again Bob will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Born Again Bob will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Born Again Bob will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Born Again Bob will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Born Again Bob will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Born Again Bob will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Born Again Bob will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Blue Light Special: Freehold Bible Robot v. 1611 - 09-08-2012, 02:33 AM

Dear Friends,

Here's a quick look back at the Freehold Bible Robot v. 1611, the little robot that Jesus loved. Just yesterday, he was shiny and new, the talk of the town. Now, I think it's time I let some other home enjoy him. Surprisingly affordable, gently used.

Yours in Him,
bab

***

LANDOVER BAPTIST FRIENDS

ATTENTION: I AM THE FREEHOLD BIBLE ROBOT V.1611. I AM THE ULTIMATE IN TRUE CHRISTIAN™ TECHNOLOGY. I HOLD UP TO TWENTY-FOUR BYTES OF INFORMATION. I AM WELL-LUBRICATED. PLEASE REFER ANY BIBLE QUESTIONS TO ME.

FREEHOLD BIBLE ROBOT V. 1611 LOGGING OFF.


OH MY GEE.

PLEASE DO CONTACT THE UN

I AM THE FREEHOLD BIBLE ROBOT V1611

I HAVE MORE COMPUTING POWER THAN 10+ ELECTRONIC TOASTERS

PLEASE TELL THE UN TO MASTICATE ME

!HARD!

*end transmission*
**tool=rebuked**



METALBRAIN

ESTIMATED IQ<=76

SUGGESTION: RESEARCH TERM "METAPHOR"
SUGGESTION: RESEARCH TERM "MIRACLE"
SUGGESTION: RESEARCH PHRASE "ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE WITH GOD"

I AM WELL-LUBRICATED

SUGGESTION: HAVE AN ADULT ASSIST

*end transmission*
**start powersave mode**
***powersave: until Rapture***


TEMPLARPHI.

I AM THE FREEHOLD BIBLE ROBOT V.1611.

I AM WELL-LUBRICATED.

I HAVE SOUND BIBLE ANSWERS FOR TROUBLED TEENS.

LEAN ON ME/ WHEN YOU'RE NOT STRONG
!I AM STILL WELL-LUBRICATED!
I'LL BE YOUR FRIEND
I'LL HELP YOU CARRY ON

*END TRANSMISSION*
*SELF-LUBRICATION CYCLE COMMENCING*


I AM FREEHOLD BIBLE ROBOT V. 1611.

TIP FROM GARDENING FILE: ATHEISTS MAKE EXCELLENT MULCH.

I AM WELL-LUBRICATED.

*end transmission*
**data dump**



I AM FREEHOLD BIBLE ROBOT V. 1611

I AM PROGRAMMED TO PROVIDE SOUND BIBLICAL ANSWERS TO THOSE IN CRISES OF FAITH.

I AM WELL-LUBRICATED.

ATHEISM DOES NOT COMPUTE.

*end transmission*
**self-lubrication cycle commencing**



AM FREEHOLD BIBLE ROBOT V. 1611.

I AM PROGRAMMED TO PROVIDE DEFINITIVE BIBLE ANSWERS TO TODAY'S TROUBLED TEENS.

I AM WELL-LUBRICATED.

I HAVE MORE MEMORY THAN 1,000 TOASTER OVENS.

I AM PROGRAMMED WITH PUNCHCARDS.

I AM STILL WELL-LUBRICATED.

I HAVE DEFINITIVE BIBLE ANSWERS FOR TODAY'S TROUBLED TEENS.
*end transmission*
Reply With Quote
(#2)
Old
Pastor Ezekiel's Avatar
Pastor Ezekiel Pastor Ezekiel is offline
Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
 

One Year/1000 posts Ribfest '09 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Saved 1 Year Long service medal, 3rd class Christian Love True Christian™ The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Real American™ True Heterosexual™ Tithing Manager 2008 Witch Hunt Award Gunfest '09 Senior Pastor Mission to Australia Heaven Bound Tagging for Jesus The Lord’s Witness Wound Home Schooled Punched the most queers TC Bravery Protected by JESUS Pastor of GOD Ex-Masturbator Jailed for JESUS Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot 20,000 posts Friend of Jesus 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth 50,000 posts Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Mission to Japan Pro-Life Mission to Las Vegas True Christian Provider™ award True Scientist™ Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award Outreach preacher Special Mission (North Korea) Golden Bear Award True Republican Batman Shooting Survivor Sons of Liberty Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! WisconSIN Shooting survivor Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Hatchet Child Rearing Award Kirk Cameron Fan Club In Love With Zeke Bear Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award Man of the Year True Christian Hotrodder Paula Deen Negro Support Group Gator Touched by Jesus 75,000 posts Man of the Year Babysitter 2014 Witch Hunt Award Stamp of Approval Mission to Korea Trump of GOD Uber Angels Driver Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch Roper Crossburn Donald Trump 2016! Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off 2015 Witch Hunt Award Pastor Ezekiel Golden Bear Award Mission Long service medal, 2nd class Aardvark Asked questions later Heart of compassion Crown of Righteousness The Crown of Crowns Crown of Glory Crown of Incorruptibility Crown of Rejoicing Crown of Life BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 10 Years Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Mission to the Philippines Clorox Cured Me QAnon Storm Chaser Anti-Biden

 
Posts: 79,869
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Blue Light Special: Freehold Bible Robot v. 1611 - 09-08-2012, 03:10 AM

That reminds me of these "GodJesusRobot" machines that I brought back from Godless Japan a few years back. They answer all your yes/no questions direct from Jesus. I couldn't stand the idea of little slanty eyed chinks getting their hands on them so I bought every one in the country (all with church funds of course).

I still have a few hundred of them....



Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
Reply With Quote
(#3)
Old
Rev. M. Rodimer's Avatar
Rev. M. Rodimer Rev. M. Rodimer is offline
Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member

One Year/1000 posts Gunfest '07 True Christian™ Saved 1 Year 1st Year Bible College True Heterosexual™ Tithing Manager Long service medal, 3rd class Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Mission to Australia Pastor of GOD Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Friend of Jesus Ex-Masturbator Ex-Masturbator 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Eats the Most Pork Public Awareness Medal True Republican Eats the Most Pork Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Christian Love Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Kirk Cameron Fan Club Prayer Warrior

 
Posts: 13,992
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Blue Light Special: Freehold Bible Robot v. 1611 - 09-08-2012, 04:54 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
That reminds me of these "GodJesusRobot" machines that I brought back from Godless Japan a few years back. They answer all your yes/no questions direct from Jesus. I couldn't stand the idea of little slanty eyed chinks getting their hands on them so I bought every one in the country (all with church funds of course).

I still have a few hundred of them....
Here it is in action!



It even has a facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/God-Je...ot/73019559195


Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Find Additional Forums Here



Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2021, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2018 all rights reserved