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MEET CHRISTIAN SINGLES! Who knows? The love of your life might be here! All the single men are GODLY and all the single ladies are virgins...........for the most part.

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Glendora Christianson's Avatar
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Default Re: Pregnant in Prison - 10-26-2006, 07:42 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
I'm guessing she's agreed to become a platinum tither, has she?
I can't belive it took me this long to figure out what's really wrong here. Ms. BeenHellbound seems to be jealous; she has become used to our undivided attention. But now, another damsel in distress has come along and Rachael is worried we might pay more attention to her. Perhaps this is the time to turn or burn young lady.


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Default Re: Pregnant in Prison - 10-27-2006, 11:18 PM

Shut up, leave the girl and Rachel alone!


A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.
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Default Re: Pregnant in Prison - 10-28-2006, 12:33 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ixi View Post
Shut up, leave the girl and Rachel alone!
How about you shut your orifices to Satan and leave us decent godfearing Christian folk alone?


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Default Re: Pregnant in Prison - 10-28-2006, 04:00 PM

Well thankyou, Ixi, at least someone here has some manners.



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Default Re: Pregnant in Prison - 10-28-2006, 09:19 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Glendora Christianson View Post
Pregnant in Prison
Forwarded from Valley State Prison for Women, Chowchilla, CA 93610 USA

My name is Tammy Greensboro and I am pregnant in prison. My mom and dad are going to be surprised when I come home with my beautiful baby in arms. But for now I am seeking a relationship with an open minded male or female. I am also seeking donations so I can buy formula and a crib for my baby. I'm not at all like the other prisoners here. I come from a good family and I plan to get a master's degree as soon as I get out of prison. I have leaned one thing - don't ever let a friend store her smack in you purse.

Correspond here or write to:
Tammy Greensboro # 154211
Chowchilla Prison 18-B-225
Chowchilla, CA 93610 USA
Sister Glendora,
I am willing to take this one in. She would be a most helpful asset to the farm. Chores start at 3:30 am and do not end til 10 or so. I am sure she is used to that in our nations prison system. I run about 300 head of cattle, along with my other job and really the work never ends. There is alot of sh*t that needs to be moved. Her little one would be useful as well. I am sure he/she(after he/she could walk) could add about another 3 hours worth of shovelin' to the farm. I think along with Pastor Al and Pastor Ezekiel's guiding hands they could show me ways of usefulness here on the farm and maybe turn the wretch around. But being inprisoned with those other lezbeauns...I would hope that the ladies of LBC could help me with that as well. Anyways, I offer my undying, but stern hand of faith in this situation.

YIC
Hushed


And ye shall tread down the wicked; for they shall be ashes under the soles of your feet in the day that I shall do this, saith the Lord of hosts. Malachi 4.3

Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
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Default Re: Pregnant in Prison - 11-01-2006, 03:39 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Well thankyou, Ixi, at least someone here has some manners.
Your idea of manners is barging into someone else's conversation and telling them to shut up? Says it all, really.


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Default Re: Pregnant in Prison - 11-02-2006, 01:37 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Temperance View Post
Your idea of manners is barging into someone else's conversation and telling them to shut up? Says it all, really.
No, she was saying that being mean is not a nice thing to do. That's manners.



Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Default Re: Pregnant in Prison - 11-02-2006, 02:49 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
No, she was saying that being mean is not a nice thing to do. That's manners.
The way in which she said it wasn't exactly a shining example of practicing what one preaches, was it?


This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

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Default Re: Pregnant in Prison - 12-18-2006, 01:01 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by More Saved Than Thou View Post
The way in which she said it wasn't exactly a shining example of practicing what one preaches, was it?
Beside... being "mean" is a necessity!

Spare the rod....

PRASE JESUS!
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Default Re: Pregnant in Prison - 12-18-2006, 04:07 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by see_the_light View Post
Spare the rod....
Alas, had some unGodly football team only spared poor Tammy "the rod", she'd not be in such a predicament.

Mother Glynndie, have we heard anything else from Tammy?

Has she married the football team yet, that her child not be born a bastard, and cursed to the 7th generation?
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Default Re: Pregnant in Prison - 12-19-2006, 05:05 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by OnYourKnees View Post
Alas, had some unGodly football team only spared poor Tammy "the rod", she'd not be in such a predicament.

Mother Glynndie, have we heard anything else from Tammy?

Has she married the football team yet, that her child not be born a bastard, and cursed to the 7th generation?
Well, I had to chase Tammy down and get the latest, somewhat disappointing news. Our team of lawyers was able to prove that Tammy's purse had been tampered with by the L.A. police, who were later arrested for posession of heroin. Tammy was released from Chowchilla Prison, but proved to be a fair weather friend to LBC as she has moved to Colorado Springs where she plans to marry a (too liberal) evangelical preacher named Ted.


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Default Re: Pregnant in Prison - 12-19-2006, 10:00 AM

Haha.


Now that, that don't kill me can only make me stronger.
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Default Re: Pregnant in Prison - 12-20-2006, 12:09 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by OnYourKnees View Post
Has she married the football team yet, that her child not be born a bastard, and cursed to the 7th generation?
I thought you people disapproved of having multiple husbands? And wasn't it the 9th generation?



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Default Re: Pregnant in Prison - 12-20-2006, 12:23 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
I thought you people disapproved of having multiple husbands? And wasn't it the 9th generation?
As a rule ABSOLUTELY!

But our Brother may have been tempted to just stretch the limit if he must avoid her son's damnation.

I think that eagerness led to peculiar reading of Jeremiah 29:6

Take ye wives, and beget sons and daughters; and take wives for your sons, and give your daughters to husbands, that they may bear sons and daughters; that ye may be increased there, and not diminished.

or even Ruth 1:11

And Naomi said, Turn again, my daughters: why will ye go with me? are there yet any more sons in my womb, that they may be your husbands?

But don't get any ideas hell-singer

PRAISE THE LORD!
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Default Re: Pregnant in Prison - 12-20-2006, 06:04 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Glendora Christianson View Post
she has moved to Colorado Springs where she plans to marry a (too liberal) evangelical preacher named Ted.
Well, at least there's the possibility that the child, not born a bastard, can be Saved someday.

And I do recall hearing tell of a liberal pastor named Ted, who had quite a substantial . . . following. Perhaps some of that FOLLOWING can be directed to LBC in the future, if we maintain friendly relations with Tammy?

Perhaps we should invite her to post here regularly. You know, to stay in touch.
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Glendora Christianson Glendora Christianson is offline
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Default Re: Pregnant in Prison - 01-04-2007, 12:19 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by OnYourKnees View Post
Well, at least there's the possibility that the child, not born a bastard, can be Saved someday.

And I do recall hearing tell of a liberal pastor named Ted, who had quite a substantial . . . following. Perhaps some of that FOLLOWING can be directed to LBC in the future, if we maintain friendly relations with Tammy?

Perhaps we should invite her to post here regularly. You know, to stay in touch.
I just hope our Tammy realizes that not all men are what they appear to be. Something tells me this pastor might be unable to be firm with Tammy at the most important times. As much as I'd like to help the girl, Biblical law may force us to stone her if she comes near Freehold.


Jesus - gentle, dependable overnight relief.
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PROWD SUTHRN BAPTIST is under investigation -- suspected to be Unsaved Trash.
Default Re: Pregnant in Prison - 01-27-2007, 06:25 AM

Hey ya'll!
Whilst I know the bible teaches us True Christian
™ followers temperance, tolerance and forgiveness even towards Godless unsaved trash...If that were MY daughter I'd have her Fed-ex'd to the Asylum for the demonically possessed. And believe me, there wouldn't be no return address on that package either! Her poor parents must be horribly ashamed.
But then again they are probably trash just like this trampy convict! Fruit doesn't fall far from the tree you know.
But this whores sad plea should serve as a warnin' to all
True Christian™ girls..."if you let a boy put his tongue in your mouth you WILL get pregnant too!"
Now as for the girl being a drug smuggler... Thats just as shameful. I know that word "smack" because of my days as a prison missionary.
No nice girl, much less a Christian girl, would fellowship with anyone who likes to wear black and do drugs and all that worldly nonsense!

I believe the Christian thing to do is just pray to Jesus that the poor child that rips its way out of her sinfully quivering woman-hole can be adopted out to a
True Christian™ family and given a proper upbringin'.

All we can do for her as Christians is pray, and wait, and be ready to snatch that baby right out from between her thighs and rush it to Godly safety the minute it is born! Does that "woman" really think Christians are going to contribute to her sinful folly by giving her donations are baby supplies? No, Jesus the Saviour wants us to spend our hard-earned Christian money in Jesus-approved ways and corporations only! Why, I wouldn't even spend $15 to give this "woman" a VHS copy of The Passion of the Christ and a telephone-booth evangelical pamphlet! HARLOT!
Let's not cast our pearls before swine, biblically speaking!

Why, I can think of a million things where it is better to spend my money. My money is righteously spent on wholesome things that promote goodness and Godliness!
Such as homemade bread baking machines, Home Depot and 700 club stock, yards of material for making homemade dresses for my family, "My Christian kid can out-praise your honor roll student" bumper stickers, tithing, and Republican candidate donations. As a matter of fact, my husband and I donated $450,000 to or blessed, God anointed leader - lovable George W. Bush. Amen!
My cup runneth over, praise His Holy name!

I am new to this wonderful, God-fearing, online community and am distressed because it says that I am "unsaved trash pending investigation". Is this because all new members are presumed unsaved trash until proven otherwise? Please, I must know. I have spent 6 hours in my prayer closet questioning my eternal salvation because of this accusation. Please correct my status and list me as a
True Christian™! I am very troubled by this it has almost kept me from performing my wifely duties for my husband due to the stress of questioning my salvation. And we all know that saying you're too stressed out or have a headache is no excuse for denying your Godly husband his rights to have his wife anytime he likes in the bedroom! Please help!

I must go now, it's time for my nightly dose of Xanax and moderate amount of adult beverage nightcap before devotional time and sleep.

God bless, and may that sinful, lusting Delilah find pleasure in servicing the hoards of vicious demons that await her in HELL.

Your Sister in Jesus Christ's Holy Name,
Mrs. Mary Luanne Tate
Barnesville, Georgia
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Default Re: Pregnant in Prison - 01-27-2007, 06:38 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by PROWD SUTHRN BAPTIST View Post
Hey ya'll!
Whilst I know the bible teaches us True Christian™ followers temperance, tolerance and forgiveness even towards Godless unsaved trash...
Where did you get that idea, woman?
Jesus wants sinners dead, and we are only to forgive those who repents and accepts Jesus.

Behold, all souls are mine; as the soul of the father, so also the soul of the son is mine:
The soul that sinneth, it shall die.
Ezekiel 18:4

That whosoever would not seek the LORD God of Israel should be put to death, whether small or great, whether man or woman.
2 Chronicles 15:13

Then began he to upbraid the cities wherein most of his mighty works were done, because they repented not:
Woe unto thee, Chorazin! woe unto thee, Bethsaida! for if the mighty works, which were done in you,
had been done in Tyre and Sidon, they would have repented long ago in sackcloth and ashes.
But I say unto you, It shall be more tolerable for Tyre and Sidon at the day of judgment, than for you.
And thou, Capernaum, which art exalted unto heaven, shalt be brought down to hell:
For if the mighty works, which have been done in thee, had been done in Sodom, it would have remained until this day.
But I say unto you, That it shall be more tolerable for the land of Sodom in the day of judgment, than for thee.
Matthew 11:20-24


If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: But if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it.
A foolish woman is clamorous: She is simple, and knoweth nothing.
Proverbs 9:12-13
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Default Re: Pregnant in Prison - 01-27-2007, 07:49 AM

A Southern Baptist claiming to be a True Christian™? Something doesn't smell right here. In fact, it kind of smells like brimstone.


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1 Timothy 2:13-15 For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.
Bearing my husband's heirs and being SAVED!

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