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A Reminder for Young Brides
Ladies,
Has your father or pastor picked someone to be your husband? If so, fall on your knees and praise God! (Psalm 48:1) Many women pray and pray and pray and pray for years and years and years but never find "the one." You have been blessed! You won't be referred to as "that old maid," or "that spinster," or hear "she's so uppity and closed minded no man will have her." I do think it is important for you to remember a few things, girls.
1. Adorn yourself with humility (1 Timothy 2:9-10). No husband will want a bragging, proud, haughty wife. No, they want you to just crawl on the ground for them at their wish and whim. So you've made yourself a successful businesswoman. Think they're going to care? NOPE. It isn't going to matter. Make more money than them? You'll never be able to admit it and most of it will go for power tools and boats and fishing trips to exotic places. They will expect you to tithe and cook and clean and stay pregnant while they are out enjoying beer and brats with the boys.
2. Remember, he's the head of the household once you get that ring on your finger (Ephesians 5:23). Will it matter that you've handled tough cookies in business meetings and negotiated deals for your employees (and yourself) that have created loyalty and respect? HA! If he says jump, you need to be prepared to say "How high?" and repeat the action if it isn't good enough for him. Your reward will be to have his smelly whiskey breath in your face while he humps his way to marital-act completion and you force yourself to act interested.
All brides to be who are hoping to have Pastor Flint perform your ceremony should read the pastor's rules, easily found on LBC's forum. There are no exceptions to his rules. After all - he's a MAN and MEN are always right. So you've tithed until your wallet is screaming "HELP!" and your every move is made with God's Glory in mind? That's great! Now prepare to give more, and better.
I do have a few more reminders.
Don't be a Rude Rita and refer to unmarried people over 15 as "Old Maids." Simply refer to them as "Miss So and So," or, if familiar, call them by their first names. Never be a Negative Nancy and scream across the street, "That one will never find a man," or "Too bad you'll never know what it's like to be a mother." These things are not only annoying, but depending on the woman you're insulting, could get you seriously hurt.
Avoid men from (1) California (2) the UK (3) France. They are abominations. Someone I know has experimented with these men, and just take it from me, it isn't worth it. Now Italy, that's another matter. Again, someone I know has shared that information.
If I may just confess a public sin: Sister Melissa Jean, I am so sorry I dropped hot chocolate syrup on your darling little Martha Eloise yesterday at my shoppe. I assume it will be the last time she calls me "unmarriageable."
Has your father or pastor picked someone to be your husband? If so, fall on your knees and praise God! (Psalm 48:1) Many women pray and pray and pray and pray for years and years and years but never find "the one." You have been blessed! You won't be referred to as "that old maid," or "that spinster," or hear "she's so uppity and closed minded no man will have her." I do think it is important for you to remember a few things, girls.
1. Adorn yourself with humility (1 Timothy 2:9-10). No husband will want a bragging, proud, haughty wife. No, they want you to just crawl on the ground for them at their wish and whim. So you've made yourself a successful businesswoman. Think they're going to care? NOPE. It isn't going to matter. Make more money than them? You'll never be able to admit it and most of it will go for power tools and boats and fishing trips to exotic places. They will expect you to tithe and cook and clean and stay pregnant while they are out enjoying beer and brats with the boys.
2. Remember, he's the head of the household once you get that ring on your finger (Ephesians 5:23). Will it matter that you've handled tough cookies in business meetings and negotiated deals for your employees (and yourself) that have created loyalty and respect? HA! If he says jump, you need to be prepared to say "How high?" and repeat the action if it isn't good enough for him. Your reward will be to have his smelly whiskey breath in your face while he humps his way to marital-act completion and you force yourself to act interested.
All brides to be who are hoping to have Pastor Flint perform your ceremony should read the pastor's rules, easily found on LBC's forum. There are no exceptions to his rules. After all - he's a MAN and MEN are always right. So you've tithed until your wallet is screaming "HELP!" and your every move is made with God's Glory in mind? That's great! Now prepare to give more, and better.
I do have a few more reminders.
Don't be a Rude Rita and refer to unmarried people over 15 as "Old Maids." Simply refer to them as "Miss So and So," or, if familiar, call them by their first names. Never be a Negative Nancy and scream across the street, "That one will never find a man," or "Too bad you'll never know what it's like to be a mother." These things are not only annoying, but depending on the woman you're insulting, could get you seriously hurt.
Avoid men from (1) California (2) the UK (3) France. They are abominations. Someone I know has experimented with these men, and just take it from me, it isn't worth it. Now Italy, that's another matter. Again, someone I know has shared that information.
If I may just confess a public sin: Sister Melissa Jean, I am so sorry I dropped hot chocolate syrup on your darling little Martha Eloise yesterday at my shoppe. I assume it will be the last time she calls me "unmarriageable."
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