[Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S.]

Re: Basic Biblical Roles of Women

I know it can be disconcerting at first, but remember: men aren't a lot better, just a little better! What's 30 shekels among friends?

Typical response, showing your utter lack of knowledge. You can't look at the absolute number here, but at the ratio of the two: women are worth approximately 50% of what a man is worth. And that is the number that counts.

[Betty Lambskin]

Re: Basic Biblical Roles of Women

Typical response, showing your utter lack of knowledge. You can't look at the absolute number here, but at the ratio of the two: women are worth approximately 50% of what a man is worth. And that is the number that counts.

You lose points for taking the apple, Mister! No one forced it down your naughty gullet! If I was some naked floozy that just up and handed you a hot dog, would you eat it just because I said to?

[Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S.]

Re: Basic Biblical Roles of Women

Has Sister SUV shown you the combination for the whiskey locker recently?

[Betty Lambskin]

Re: Basic Biblical Roles of Women

How about a little respect for the Christian Baby Factories otherwise known as Your Sisters in Christ?

I don't see you men giving Jesus's sweaty feet a pedicure using only your tears and a hunk of your own stringy hair? AMEN!

[Joo (Quarantined)]

Re: Basic Biblical Roles of Women

here at Landover Baptist, we are not bigots.

...

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Basic Biblical Roles of Women

You lose points for taking the apple, Mister! No one forced it down your naughty gullet! If I was some naked floozy that just up and handed you a hot dog, would you eat it just because I said to?

The first and biggest mistake we Men made was listening to your female whining and pouting. You tricked us into eating that apple, and God and all Mankind will never forgive you for it.

[Talitha]

Re: Basic Biblical Roles of Women

The first and biggest mistake we Men made was listening to your female whining and pouting. You tricked us into eating that apple, and God and all Mankind will never forgive you for it.

You are so right Pastor Ezekiel. <Sob>

We are wicked we are Unsaved and we are but Playthings for you and your Mighty Tallywacker, and for making New Christian Soldiers for Our Lord.
Oh, and fetching you a Beer

I would beg God's forgiveness but I know that he very rarely listens to mere Womenfolk and our Sin was too great.

This Betty Wench should be grateful that she even has her husbands permission to use a Computer.

[SB100 (On Moderation)]

Re: Basic Biblical Roles of Women

And I find it extremely hurtful that there are women who wrongly think that they are as good as men. Looks like we're at an impasse. Oh, no, wait, GOD is on my side, so you lose.

So what does He say to us now? I've not heard Him telling me "By the way, you know that book of eternal commands I gave to mankind to follow forever? That's just a big bundle of toilet paper now. My new book is called the SCUM Manifesto, and Germaine Greer is my prophet upon this earth."
Do you hear voices in your head, friend?

Is that any of your busness? I think not. Too bad you are such a stupid ignorant man as to ignore the fact that God loves me for who i am, not WHAT i am. Who cares? Not going to affect me. Doesnt make me any different.

[Skeeter C]

Re: Basic Biblical Roles of Women

Women need to lern about sock brands. Dont just pair up any old socks just because their white!

[Talitha]

Re: Basic Biblical Roles of Women

Women need to lern about sock brands. Dont just pair up any old socks just because their white!

I think you're right young Skeeter.
Perhaps it should be taught to Young Girls alongside Creation Science.
I'll put it on the Agenda for the next PTA Meeting.

[The Jabba Master]

Re: Basic Biblical Roles of Women

Women need to lern about sock brands. Dont just pair up any old socks just because their white!

Why? i mean in the end there just socks ... no one exsept those who have a feet fedish care...

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Basic Biblical Roles of Women

Why? i mean in the end there just socks ... no one exsept those who have a feet fedish care...

For Christ's sake, LEARN TO SPELL you drooling retard! No one can understand a word you say.

[Betty Lambskin]

Re: Basic Biblical Roles of Women

You are so right Pastor Ezekiel. <Sob>

We are wicked we are Unsaved and we are but Playthings for you and your Mighty Tallywacker, and for making New Christian Soldiers for Our Lord.
Oh, and fetching you a Beer

Um sister, 'beer'? Do you actually believe that's okay? Can you give me some scripture on that, beause I was taught that drinking was a sin!

Or does LBC condone enabling, much as Jesus did for that wine-swilling career partier, Mary?

[Sista Lateefah]

Re: Basic Biblical Roles of Women

Um sister, 'beer'? Do you actually believe that's okay? Can you give me some scripture on that, beause I was taught that drinking was a sin!

Or does LBC condone enabling, much as Jesus did for that wine-swilling career partier, Mary?

First of all, it state quite clearly in the scripture that the LORD had drank, and that them nasty joos had spread all sortsa rumors about Him because o' it. Since the LORD had drank, it do not be a sin unless you gets drunk.

The Son of man came eating and drinking, and they say, Behold a man gluttonous, and a winebibber, a friend of publicans and sinners. But wisdom is justified of her children. - Matthew 11:19

And second of all, you doesn't needta be sayin' such nasty thangs about the Lord, because He had not enabled that woman. He had only gave her that wine as a last resort after she had been constantly naggin' on Him. Even the LORD haves little patience when it come to a naggin' jooess.

And when they wanted wine, the mother of Jesus saith unto him, They have no wine. Jesus saith unto her, Woman, what have I to do with thee? mine hour is not yet come. - John 2:3-4

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Basic Biblical Roles of Women

First of all, it state quite clearly in the scripture that the LORD had drank, and that them nasty joos had spread all sortsa rumors about Him because o' it. Since the LORD had drank, it do not be a sin unless you gets drunk.

And when they wanted wine, the mother of Jesus saith unto him, They have no wine. Jesus saith unto her, Woman, what have I to do with thee? mine hour is not yet come. - John 2:3-4

Once again, the resident mammy shines brightly. For shame a White woman being taught scripture by a pickaninnie. Just goes to show, it doesn't take a genius to understand God's Divine plan.

Although it is a bit out of season, I'd like to amplify sister Lateefah's explanation about LBC's views on alcohol by sharing this excellent recipe for Easter bunny stew. It's good anytime of the year, and uses a Godly amount of beer. The pastors love it!

Easter Bunny Stew

Recipe by Mrs. Billy Ray ("Suzanna Beth") Simpkins

I mean to tell you, this is one tasty stew worth rising from the dead for! You can fix this crowd-pleaser in a snap, a snap that starts when you snap the neck of a cute little fuzzy bunny rabbit. Don't waste your time at the grocery store trying to find fresh bunny! With a stack of carrots, you can turn killing rabbits into a fun game for your children. Don't let your kids use buckshot -- or you will be picking pellets out of your gums where you used to have teeth. Instead, give each of your youngins a Louisville Slugger baseball bat and teach them to club them "seal style." Not only will this avoid cracking a crown on buckshot, your children will be tenderizing the bunnies with each deadly blow.

INGREDIENTS:

2 large Easter Bunnies (or five little baby bunnies), clubbed and skinned
3 cups Campbell 's Fiesta Nacho Cheese Soup
1 can Red Bull
4 cans of Budweiser or other premium beer
1/2 to 3/4 cup Kraft Mac & Cheese
1/2 cup Hellmann's mayonnaise
Carrots left over from luring bunnies to their death (cut off any little bunny teeth marks -- no one wants to see that)
2 to 3 cans of store-brand potatoes
1 medium Tombstone "Supreme" pizza, chopped
1/2 cup frozen corn kernels
1/2 cup frozen lima beans
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup of Heinz ketchup
1/2 teaspoon MSG
1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
4 tablespoons flour mixed with an equal amount of root beer

PREPARATION:
Have your children peel off all the cute, fuzzy-wuzzy pelts of the bunnies (reserve them to make holiday-themed, furry napkin rings) and rip the flesh from the dead rabbit's brittle little bones. You Martha Stewarts out there will want to reserve the bloody bunny skeletons to make stock, but if you ask me, instant soup is a whole lot easier! In a General Electric crock-pot, combine the hunks of bunny your children have ripped off the freshly-clubbed animal and all the other ingredients. Bring to a simmer and simmer uncovered for 10 minutes. Cover and cook over low heat for no less than four days.

Before serving, ladle a holiday glaze over the stew (you make this by heating a brick of Velveeta cheese-product with mini-marshmallows, 2 cups of brown sugar, a Three Musketeers bar, and a can of Diet Pepsi until they are all gooey, but not boiling). Embed two handfuls of General Mill's Trix breakfast cereal into the glaze. Voila, Easter dinner is served!

Truth is, one of the main reasons Pastor Deacon Fred broke off all affiliation with the SBC is their prissy attitude about alcohol consumption. As sister Lateefah said, if it was good enough for Jesus to consume, then its good enough for us. Glory!!