X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 7
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 template Next
  • #1

    Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

    I know Skeeter's been coming in twice daily at the Landover Victory College Bookstore, hoping he'd be the first to wear an Ex-Masturbator t-shirt. Well, Skeeter, your wait is over. Landover's friends at Passion For Christ Movement have finally sent us the promised shipment of shirts.

    Check it out. The shirt comes in red and black for both men and women. There's no reason not to buy one of each, although I have to warn you, our supplies are limited. And YES! We DO have a very few Ex-Fornicator shirts for those who come early.





    sigpic

    I loved Newt before Newt was invincible
    Tags: landover, masturbation = gay sex
  • #2
    Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

    Why, Brother Larry, I was just reading a story on this very subject.

    It included this most dreadful tale of hoe woe from a confessed ex-masturbator:

    I struggled with masturbation for many years but this wasn’t the only sexually immoral thing that I was enslaved to. I started masturbating as early as 7th or 8th grade, but overall my imprisonment to lust started as early as 4 or 5 years of age. When I was a little girl, I had a friend that I played with. Something must have happened to her because it was from playing with her that I had my first sexual experience. After this one time experience I wasn’t the same and I developed homosexual tendencies as well. The seed of lust was planted and grew to maturity in my heart. I went from “humping” the floors, to sexually stimulate myself, to full on masturbation, which became my most shameful secret…

    Then I tried to break free, I found that those same desires tracked me down like a Mississippi Slave catcher. I had never had so much temptation to sin by masturbating in my whole life. I kept giving in and giving in. It was hard to last one day, much less two, without doing it. This lasted from June 2005 to September 2005. Until for 2 and half months, I managed to stop. Temptations were strong. There were times I’d have to run out of my dorm room or find a public place to be in because I couldn’t be alone when I was tempted. This was huge for me because I was used to falling to this sin daily. However, I backslide due to unforgiveness.
    Strangely, this young lady does not consider her latent Lezbianism to be of greater shame than her self-manipulation. Odd, that!
    www.palibandaily.com - Your Christian News Source
    Huckabee/Palin Gingrich 2012 will reclaim America for Christ! PRAISE!

    Christian Ladies:
    Savor your separation in style at the Monthly Visitor!

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

      I don't believe those negroes and their T-Shirts. I think they are lying. They still look like savage beasts from the jungle.
      sigpic

      Tweet me Here
      My GODLY Bio Here

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

        Hold one of those for me, please. I'll need an extra large.

        Pour out thy fury upon the heathen that know thee not, and upon the families that call not on thy name.... Jeremiah 10:25

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

          Originally posted by Ahimaaz Smith View Post
          Hold one of those for me, please. I'll need an extra large.
          One of the shirts, or one of the Negroes?
          Bible boring? Nonsense!
          Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
          You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

            Originally posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
            One of the shirts, or one of the Negroes?
            Is that all you think about, Rod?
            May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

              Having never committed the sin of Onan even once in my life, I will not be needing any of those shirts.

              Lord knows I've had the chance, but I've never been tempted to engage in such a revolting, unnatural act.

              Especially when Jesus is watching.
              Who Will Jesus Damn?

              Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

              Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

              Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

                Why do they make them in women's sizes, when that is an appalling, selfish, animal, male activity?

                I (along with ladies everywhere, I'm sure) am deeply afronted.

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

                  Originally posted by Mistress Cookie View Post
                  Why do they make them in women's sizes, when that is an appalling, selfish, animal, male activity?

                  I (along with ladies everywhere, I'm sure) am deeply afronted.
                  I expect they refer to ex-atheists Sis.

                  Sister Talitha

                  Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.


                  HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
                  being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41


                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

                    I agree sister. But you never know when the devil might take posession of your soul if even for a brief moment. Especially after inhaling some fumes from the cooking sherry while preparing a roast for the Sunday church potluck.
                    That's why Mr. Roberts insists that I wear the Godly Chastity Belt when he is on the road. He keeps the key with him of course.
                    George Jesus Bush
                    Savior of Democracy

                    Help stop wasting taxpayer dollars on education spending.....Support home schooling, because reeding is fundermental.

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

                      Those shirts are so nice, I almost wish I'd masturbated once so I could buy and wear one!
                      Bible boring? Nonsense!
                      Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
                      You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

                        I'll take "Ex-Liberal" and "Ex-NIV-Reader," please.
                        This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

                        Questions to ask liberal "Christians" ✞ Things that the Bible doesn't say ✞ Tolerance

                        sigpic

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

                          Brother Larry Lee, might you have any:

                          ex-catlick/nazirene/luciferian/methodless/eunuchtarian/moonie/hindoo/mooselimb/A-Christian-for-Jews-for-Jesus/Flirty-Fishie ones in?

                          Comment

                          • #14
                            Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

                            But I love to arouse my trouser snake

                            Comment

                            • #15
                              Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

                              Masturbation is a good thing to do. prove to me why its bad

                              Comment

                              Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 template Next
                              Working...
                              X