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WEDDING BELLS! - Christian Wedding Forum A seasonal forum hosted by cyber Bridesmaids, Daisy Mae Johnson, Sister Mary Etheldreda and Sister Talitha . Groomly advice is also offered from Best Man, Pastor Zeke!

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Default HELP! I need advice. Ladies ONLY! - 06-15-2009, 03:54 PM

As you may have noticed, I've taken a liking to a certain member of our forums. He's going to be here tonight and I'm afraid I'll do or say something wrong to scare him away! This has to go right for me because I don't get that many chances!

I've been trying to "play it cool", as the kids say. He asked if I'm single and I said, "Yeah, I am right now." In reality, I haven't had a date in 7 years. What do True Christian women do on dates? What if he tries to do something forward, like hold my hand?

I'm a nervous wreck. I've already made one pot roast but I dropped it in the floor and had to eat it. It took 4 phone calls and a lot of yelling to get someone to go to the store for me and get another one. He seems like a meat man, so I decided to forgo the vegetables and replaced them with bacon. Do you think he'll mind?

I'll be wearing a nice skirt and blouse. The problem with the blouse is that the top button keeps coming undone and I don't want to look like a whore. I've put on a few pounds since the picture I use as an avatar. Will he think I'm too jolly?

If anyone has some advice or comforting words, I surely would appreciate them. I'll check back later as I want to clean the bathroom again.


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Default Re: HELP! I need advice. Ladies ONLY! - 06-15-2009, 04:14 PM

Well, I am not a True Christian and you are. You sound very sweet and kind. The fact that you have dressed nice, cleaned your house and cooked what he likes are all attractive to a Good man. I realize it has been a long time since you have dated. Take it slow and be modest. You can use a little safety pin inside your blouse to keep it from opening or wear a cascading scarf around your neck to hide any improper shifting of the upper clothing. Do not worry about putting on a few pounds since your picture. I think a lot of people try to find a good picture of themselves to post and it is not always current.

Heck, I don't have a good picture so I chose this silly Avatar of a fallen angel - artistic rendition. The LBC has some fun tests you two could take after dinner to find out more about one another. I only got two right on the poo test.

I am sure some of the True Christian women here could offer better advice. Hope my blouse advice helps.


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21And God created great whales, and every living creature that moveth, which the waters brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and every winged fowl after his kind: and God saw that it was good.
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Default Re: HELP! I need advice. Ladies ONLY! - 06-15-2009, 05:39 PM

It's hard to say don't stress over it and just be yourself but that's easier said than done, I know! I get nervous just being around men anymore - I never feel good enough. I don't know you personally but I've read some of your posts and what a True Christian woman you seem! They say a way to a man's heart is through his stomach and *bites lip* a pot raost with bacon instead of vegetables - wow! That's such a fantastic idea! You certainly are off to a great start!
Good luck today!


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Default Re: HELP! I need advice. Ladies ONLY! - 06-15-2009, 06:40 PM

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Originally Posted by MidwestAgnostic View Post
Well, I am not a True Christian and you are. You sound very sweet and kind. The fact that you have dressed nice, cleaned your house and cooked what he likes are all attractive to a Good man.snip
I am sure some of the True Christian women here could offer better advice. Hope my blouse advice helps.
Well, Who asked you? I am true Christian and sorry, you're 100% wrong! God hates fatties. He doesn't care how nicely you dress, how clean your house is or if you're a good cook or not. First and foremost he wants us to be attractive with a good figure. One can never expect to trap, I mean attract a good Christian man when she looks like Jabba the Hut dressed in a fashion by Omar the tent maker!


Yours in Christ,
Bethany Angelica Covington

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Default Re: HELP! I need advice. Ladies ONLY! - 06-15-2009, 07:17 PM

I think you sealed the deal with the pot roast and bacon!
Just between us girls, do you have a chastity belt? Had I known the date would be tonight I would have let you borrow mine. It has a nice electrocution device built in for unwanted advances.


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And Jesus answering said unto them, They that are whole need not a physician; but they that are sick
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Default Re: HELP! I need advice. Ladies ONLY! - 06-15-2009, 08:58 PM

Dear Sister Victory Over Sex,

Best of luck on your Date, and DO let us all know how it turns out!!!

Substituting Bacon for vegetables was an excellent idea; in fact, if he doesn't like it I'd have to question his True Christianity!

Praying he doesn't do anything too forward, like make eye contact or ask those questions we can't answer, such as "How are you?"

Sister SUV
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Default Re: HELP! I need advice. Ladies ONLY! - 06-15-2009, 09:22 PM

Thank you ladies. With the exception of that uppity jealous wench Mrs Covington, you have all given me sound advice. I really like the scarf idea, but are you sure it won't draw unneeded attention to my neck? It's just that I don't want to do anything whorish.

Sister SUV, I had also thought about the possibility of eye contact. Hopefully he will wear those big manly policeman's sunglasses so I won't have to worry about it.

I'm so nervous! I hope I don't sweat through my blouse!


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Default Re: HELP! I need advice. Ladies ONLY! - 06-15-2009, 11:21 PM

Be strong, Sister Victory! And remember, if he makes a "pass" at you ("attempts eye contact") you can distract him with the Bacon
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Default Re: HELP! I need advice. Ladies ONLY! - 06-15-2009, 11:25 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bethany Covington View Post
Well, Who asked you? I am true Christian and sorry, you're 100% wrong! God hates fatties. He doesn't care how nicely you dress, how clean your house is or if you're a good cook or not. First and foremost he wants us to be attractive with a good figure. One can never expect to trap, I mean attract a good Christian man when she looks like Jabba the Hut dressed in a fashion by Omar the tent maker!
Hmm, Jealousy? Who is a True Christian™ and who is a member?


Matthew:
5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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Default Re: HELP! I need advice. Ladies ONLY! - 06-15-2009, 11:45 PM

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Hmm, Jealousy? Who is a True Christian™ and who is a member?
Kudos!


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Default Re: HELP! I need advice. Ladies ONLY! - 06-15-2009, 11:49 PM

I think as long as your kitchen floor is scrubbed and gleaming, your house is spic-and-span, you keep your eyes properly downcast, you ask him to lead the Blessing before supper, and there's plenty of bacon, you should have no problem.

I'll be there 20 minutes early, to watch you Pray.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: HELP! I need advice. Ladies ONLY! - 06-15-2009, 11:53 PM

Victory, I realize you will not listen to my pleas and go on a date with a female instead. Like I said, there are a lot of eligible lesbians here at Berkeley. However, if you want to date a man, that's your choice...

However, I do ask that you refrain from serving meat at the meal. Meat is murder. Perhaps you two can enjoy a nice candlelight dinner enjoying a bowl of lentil soup served with asparagus and brussel sprouts? It is not fair that innocent cows and pigs (which deserve the same rights as human beings) be slaughtered just because you and Officer Don want to enjoy a romantic evening together.

As well, a vegetarian diet would be healthful for both of you and lower your cholesterol, lower the blood pressure, prevent you from having diabetes, lose excess body fat, and keep you from being a sadistic savage to eats innocent animals.



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Default Re: HELP! I need advice. Ladies ONLY! - 06-16-2009, 12:08 AM

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Victory, I realize you will not listen to my pleas and go on a date with a female instead. Like I said, there are a lot of eligible lesbians here at Berkeley. However, if you want to date a man, that's your choice...

However, I do ask that you refrain from serving meat at the meal. Meat is murder. Perhaps you two can enjoy a nice candlelight dinner enjoying a bowl of lentil soup served with asparagus and brussel sprouts? It is not fair that innocent cows and pigs (which deserve the same rights as human beings) be slaughtered just because you and Officer Don want to enjoy a romantic evening together.

As well, a vegetarian diet would be healthful for both of you and lower your cholesterol, lower the blood pressure, prevent you from having diabetes, lose excess body fat, and keep you from being a sadistic savage to eats innocent animals.
X - Go suck an egg. Isn't it true that your kind practiced/s cannibalism?! No wonder you're here in the US - you're own kind didn't even want you around.


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Default Re: HELP! I need advice. Ladies ONLY! - 06-16-2009, 12:09 AM

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Victory, I realize you will not listen to my pleas and go on a date with a female instead. Like I said, there are a lot of eligible lesbians here at Berkeley. However, if you want to date a man, that's your choice...

However, I do ask that you refrain from serving meat at the meal. Meat is murder. Perhaps you two can enjoy a nice candlelight dinner enjoying a bowl of lentil soup served with asparagus and brussel sprouts? It is not fair that innocent cows and pigs (which deserve the same rights as human beings) be slaughtered just because you and Officer Don want to enjoy a romantic evening together.

As well, a vegetarian diet would be healthful for both of you and lower your cholesterol, lower the blood pressure, prevent you from having diabetes, lose excess body fat, and keep you from being a sadistic savage to eats innocent animals.

What ever happened to "honoring" your savage jungle ancestors? I can promise you that they didn't live on brussels sprouts or any other rabbit food.

God wants us to eat meat!


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: HELP! I need advice. Ladies ONLY! - 06-16-2009, 01:53 AM

Don't listen to ol' Zulu over there, bring on the bacon, and drill baby drill!


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Default Re: HELP! I need advice. Ladies ONLY! - 06-16-2009, 02:17 AM

Sister Victory Over Sex, I'm sure your hot date with Zeke your secret man will go swimmingly. The pot roast, the bacon . . . just be sure to add some doughnuts for dessert, I hear he loves him some creme-filled long johns!

Most of all, have fun and be yourself, dear!


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Default Re: HELP! I need advice. Ladies ONLY! - 06-16-2009, 04:22 AM

Being a rather corpulent man myself, may I offer a few cooking tips before the special man arrives?
  • DON'T drain the bacon grease! Use it as a gravy to smother your bacon with. It's much better that way.
  • Use real butter, not margarine. The serving size is one stick of butter per person, so for your dinner, have two.
  • As Sister Jenny pointed out, Sugar-coated doughnuts would be an excellent choice for dessert, especially with him being an officer of the law.
I really hope you two kids hit it off tonight! I'll be praying to Jesus that you two love birds find the right spark!



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Default Re: HELP! I need advice. Ladies ONLY! - 06-16-2009, 05:57 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
What ever happened to "honoring" your savage jungle ancestors? I can promise you that they didn't live on brussels sprouts or any other rabbit food.

God wants us to eat meat!
You are such a thoughtful Chaperone. Don't let those silly kids do anything we wouldn't do.

Good luck Sister Victory! Let us know how it turns out!




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Default Re: HELP! I need advice. Ladies ONLY! - 06-16-2009, 06:14 AM

Sister Victory, I only just realized that your date was with good Officer Richards.

Are you sure he knew what time to be there? I saw him running a police checkpoint at the main gates around dinnertime. He said they were looking for a crazy Negress pretending to be a "Professor", and that he'd be there all night.

Um, does that mean you and Pastor Ezekiel were left all alone for all that time? And from BTB's post, it looks like he's still not home . . .


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Default Re: HELP! I need advice. Ladies ONLY! - 06-16-2009, 02:24 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
I'll be there 20 minutes early, to watch you Pray.
I'll be there 20 minutes before that in the case of a catfight Brewing.

(Now I ain't one to gossip, so you didn't hear that from me!)
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