[Virginia Day Templeton]

The most Godly president ever is either George W. Bush or Ronald Reagan, and Bible scholars could debate that question until the Rapture itself (in other words, for the next few months ). But who is the most Godless of our forty-three presidents? Which one is most assuredly subsiding on the sulfurous spunk of Satan himself while obese lava demons thrust in and out of his caved-in poopy hole in the middle of the Lake of Fire? I’ve narrowed it down to ten, counting down to who I believe is the most un-Godly president of all. Without further ado…




10. Lyndon Johnson
Lyndon Johnson slaughtered hundreds of thousands, if not millions of gooks. Let’s get that out of the way now, because I’ll be the first to admit that any criticisms of Johnson’s presidency quail in the face of such an awesome statistic. But the truth is, Johnson was not a Godly man. His most notable domestic policy—indeed, his only notable domestic policy—was the ludicrous “War on Poverty.” No, he didn’t slaughter the poor en masse like a real man would have done; he created borderline-Communist agencies like Medicaid to steal wealthy Americans’ hard-inherited money and lavish it on bums… money that could have easily been tithed. For imperiling the souls of our most productive citizens, Johnson just edges his way onto this list.




9. Theodore Roosevelt
Like Johnson, Teddy Roosevelt had some admirable qualities—for one, he was a real man, the kind you hardly ever see anymore. But indeed, his masculinity was so ever-present that one must wonder just who he was trying to fool. Truth is, TR was a sissy boy at heart, as evidenced by his failure to shoot a pathetic bear cub (birthing a phenomenon that continues to facilitate the seduction of our children by priests and other perverts). He was the epitome of a tree-hugger. I doubt there’s a tree in Yellowstone with which he hasn’t fornicated, and there are a lot of trees in Yellowstone.




8. Woodrow Wilson
Why was Woodrow Wilson such a Godless man? Take a look at his résumé: he led America through the Progressive movement, which “liberated” women from their God-ordained roles while enslaving their husbands with an income tax. His League of Nations collapsed shortly after its formation, but it paved the way for the United Nations and thus the New World Order. He was also a member of the Ku Klux Klan during his early years, but the organization is said to have been “more like the Boy Scouts” at that time.




7. Franklin Delano Roosevelt
New Deal? Sounds awfully Orwellian, and FDR’s most celebrated accomplishment lived up to its name, expanding the federal government into a monolithic black hole so fearsomely colossal that freedom itself was nearly engulfed. Crippled by Jesus at an early age, he cleverly used his disability to gain special privileges, which culminated in his election as a “sympathy president” by guilt-ridden liberals. (He also had many adulterous affairs by taking advantage of women’s curiosity about just what it’s like to squat over a tallywhacker completely barren of nervous sensation. His bulldyke wife didn't mind one bit.) Eventually, God grew tired of his shenanigans and simply struck him dead. Luckily, his successor would prove considerably more worthy of the office, carrying out the most Godly act since the Resurrection on August 6, 1945.




6. Jimmy Carter
James Earl Carter, Jr. was a terrible President; he was single-handedly responsible for handing the precious Panama Canal over to beaners, pardoning draft-dodging traitors, and biting the pillow for the Soviets during the SALT talks. However, it is his post-presidency that has exhibited the most ferocious anti-Americanism. In his 21 books, all abounding with typos and logical fallacies, he has argued unflinchingly for the destruction of our country, and his hatred for the U.S.A. was even strong enough to net him the Nobel Peace Prize in 2002. Most recently, he drew fire after publishing a book which compared the brutal aggression of Zionists to South Africa's Godly apartheid policies. Even as he draws near to his sulfurous destiny, Carter continues to offend and persecute Americans of faith.




5. Richard Nixon
No list of Godless presidents would be complete without ol' Tricky Dick. His wickedness has been documented by countless others in exhaustive detail, but I'll try my best to provide a summary: first and foremost, Nixon was a bleeding-heart liberal. He funneled countless billions of federal dollars into environmentalist projects, providing a blueprint for the ecoterrorists of the 70s and 80s, and, for the first time ever, lent federal support to the racist affirmative action agenda. He also forged an unholy alliance with Chinese communists instead of turning Chinkistan into the Great American Desert as the Cheney/Hargrove administration will no doubt do in the near future. Last but certainly not least, he was a member of the Quaker cult. And he had the nerve to brand himself a Republican!




4. Bill Clinton
For many Bible-believing citizens, Bill Clinton personifies evil. Whether mollycoddling Osama bin Laden, diddling a Jewess intern and lying about it before Congress, or smoking crack cocaine with his monster-truck-tire-lipped “brothers” in Harlem, Sick Willy seemed Hell-bent on breaking every commandment ever issued by God or our legislature. His lust, lawlessness, and unbridled desire for deep-fried chicken thighs even led colored novelist Toni Morrison to declare him “the first black president,” a chilling proclamation precisely because it rang so true.

*NOTE: Clinton is unique among these Presidents in having vocally supported the protection of Real Marriage™ and passed legislation to this effect. One must wonder, however, how a man can extol such Godly virtues while shamelessly violating the sanctity of his own marriage. Then again, take a look at the wife he’s stuck with!




3. James Buchanan
When most Americans today think of sexually immoral presidents, Bill Clinton's is the first name that comes to mind—and rightfully so. There was a time, though, when our White House was occupied by an actual, honest-to-God sodomite. A homosexual. Yes, historians both secular and Saved have confirmed the Buchanan was involved in a long term buggerous relationship with his vice president, William Rufus King. How did this happen? We're not quite sure, but Satan's hand in the whole ugly affair is as plain as a naked coon standing in a snowstorm.




2. John Fitzgerald Kennedy
A Catlick in the White House? Say it isn't so! Well, it isn't so, thanks to the actions of God's messenger Lee Harvey Oswald (and yes, there WAS a man shooting from the grassy knoll that day. Witnesses say he was wearing sandals.) But for three awful years, these United States toiled under the dominion of the Pope himself, and most True Christians™ have undergone intense reparative therapy to block out these memories. Out of respect for these brothers and sisters, I shall delve into no further detail.



1. Abraham Lincoln
"[Slavery] was established by decree of Almighty God...it is sanctioned in the Bible, in both Testaments, from Genesis to Revelation...it has existed in all ages, has been found among the people of the highest civilization, and in nations of the highest proficiency in the arts." Jefferson Davis, President of the Confederate States of America

Leviticus 25

44Both thy bondmen, and thy bondmaids, which thou shalt have, shall be of the heathen that are round about you; of them shall ye buy bondmen and bondmaids.
45Moreover of the children of the strangers that do sojourn among you, of them shall ye buy, and of their families that are with you, which they begat in your land: and they shall be your possession.
46And ye shall take them as an inheritance for your children after you, to inherit them for a possession; they shall be your bondmen for ever: but over your brethren the children of Israel, ye shall not rule one over another with rigour.

Our Presidents have been fornicators and adulterers, thieves and murderers, sodomites, whoremongers, and even Catholics, but all of them have had some modicum of respect for the institutions God gave us… except for one. As noted, even Bill Clinton has stood up against the annihilation of marriage, but there was once an institution in our country even more sacred and crucial to the well being of America… and that institution was slavery. An America without slavery was like a Heaven without angels—in a word, unimaginable. But in one terrible gesture, Abraham Lincoln, the worst Republican and the worst president to ever live, took all of that away. Thousands upon thousands of good men in both the North and South were deprived of their property. Hordes of wild negroes were unleashed upon the populace, and no pie or white woman would ever be safe again. Five score and forty-four years ago, a tear rolled down the cheek of Lady Liberty.

All this aside, Abraham Lincoln was a horrible man. He treated the Constitution like toilet paper, flouting habeas corpus to detain not terrorists but honest American Christians. He sent countless American troops to die for a “war” that was little more than a personal vendetta. A new book suggests that his marriage to Mary Toad may have been an elaborate ruse, covering up the abominable homosexuality of yet another President. Most disturbingly, he never attended church and failed on numerous occasions to identify himself as a Christian, and most respectable scholars believe that he was God-hating atheist. When asked by the preacher Peter Cartwright whether he planned on going to Heaven or Hell, Lincoln replied, “I intend to go to Congress.” This feat he did accomplish, but no True Christian™ should have any doubt as to his current place of residence.

Sadly, it’s quite possible that all of these monsters will be eclipsed and forgotten if either Hellhairy Sodom Cliton or Biraq Hussein Osama is elected president in 2008. That’s why we must throw everything we’ve got behind Cheney and Hargrove! It’s not too early—and for Jesus’ sake, let’s hope it’s not too late.

[Wash O'Hanley]

That list seems quite complete although there should be a spot for Thomas Jefferson, as he was a blackie-loving, God-hating traitor to our nation. He combined all of John Kerry and Al Gore's worst qualities.

[Virginia Day Templeton]

Yes... perhaps he could replace Johnson. Those dead gooks are a beautiful, beautiful thing, regardless of LBJ's bigotry against rich people.

[SUV]

I'm going with Ulysses Simpleton Grant a proponent of the concept of the separation of Church and state.

Ever hear of anything so ridiculous?!

PS My GOD! Can demonrat Bill Clinton never "get enough" ???

[Fallen Angel]

!!!!!!!!!! lincoln was ur greatest presidient ever!!!!!!!!!!! he freed the slaves n tht was a good thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i dun know if i can ever be a chrstian if u believe that slaves r good.............we didnt have slaves in canada n we have no rasists now or problems with africanamericans or any other ethncity.........

[Rev. Dr. Davidson]

Originally Posted by Wash O'Hanley

That list seems quite complete although there should be a spot for Thomas Jefferson, as he was a blackie-loving, God-hating traitor to our nation. He combined all of John Kerry and Al Gore's worst qualities.

I second that. When Jefferson was elected one of the congressmen, I can't remember which, wrote, "Now none of our wives and daughters will be safe." Jefferson nailed anything that was female and walked on two legs. Historians aren't sure if the livestock was safe either.

FallenBagel,
Lincoln hated blacks, and was in the process of deporting them all. He only broke the constitution and went to war against the south because the railroad men that owned him wanted free access in the South. Pick up a real history book and read it.

[Remy Lebeau]

Originally Posted by Fallen Angel

!!!!!!!!!! lincoln was ur greatest presidient ever!!!!!!!!!!! he freed the slaves n tht was a good thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lincoln did not give a rats behind about negroidials. He wanted to push America into the industrial age of machinery and such and wanted a cheap labor force the man the factories. His actions were motivated by greed and the railroad CEO's. It was a lot cheaper and safer to steal the plantation owner's sows and bucks than harvesting a new batch of pure blooded spear chuckers from the dark continent who were of the original soulless variety.

Freeing negroidials from their God given place did not but stress and confuse them. Most didn't want to leave the service of their God appointed masters. And of those who didn't remain in the care of their owners, many ended up sick, homeless, and dead. Thanks Satan's pool boy, Abraham Lincoln, the good olé days of shuck'n and jiv'n, daily exercise, free room and board, and dignity ended for the nigra. My ancestors on the nigra side were God fearing, upstanding, joyous folk who remained at the side of their owners. It wasn't until one of my great great great grandfathers married a injun and had injun babies that the lieberals forced them out of servitude.

i dun know if i can ever be a chrstian if u believe that slaves r good.............

Why do you think nigra slaves are bad? They were good, honest, hard working people, you racist scumbag. You prefer the crack smoking, pie stealing, gangsta savagery of the wild negro seen in the hoods of America? I bet a racist like you loves to see nigra suffer and humiliate themselves with "gold grills", ebonics, and BET.

we didnt have slaves in canada n we have no rasists now or problems with africanamericans or any other ethncity.........

If you have no problems with negroidials, why are you pawning them off on Africa and America? I bet 99% have never even been to Africa, but leave it to a racist to want them all sent there.

[Virginia Day Templeton]

As for the Godliest presidents, a list might go something like this (off the top of my head):

1. GWB (Godly War on Terror, marriage amendment, Patriot Act, opposition to stem cell murder, DOF)
2. Reagan (Reaganomics, faith-based initiatives, won Cold War, recognized ketchup's vegetablehood)
3. Davis (fought to protect sanctity of slavery)
4. Truman (oh, what was it that he did, again?)
5. Bush Sr. (Gulf War, conceived GWB)
6. Jackson (kicked out the Injuns, master dueler, Godly spoils system)
7. Hoover (ended Great Depression)
8. Polk (expanded US, tore Messkins a new one)
9. Eisenhower (made US a nuclear power)
10. Fillmore (name inspired brilliant and Godly comic strip)

[Brother Love]

Lincoln was a white nigra! No doubt about it! Worst President this nation ever had! He changed slavery that is NATURAL and GODLY and turned everything upside down. Many of the problems this nation faces today began with that HEATHEN RAT Lincoln! The BEST day this godly nation ever had in it's history was on the day Booth killed that HEATHEN President! Booth should have received the Congressional Medal of Honor for it!

Tricky Dick was right behind him too! That old dickie wanted to be dictator for life in the White House but the LORD would NOT allow it because Nixon was a SINNER galore!

And, as for that HEATHEN Clinton, I'm sick of him and I'm already SICK of his WHORE wife, Hitlery! Does anyone really think we need another Clinton in the White House? By the way, I hear that her and Bill's marriage is just a "business arrangement." I hear that she is a closet LESS-bian! Figures! He's a perv and she's a LEZZIE! Two HEATHENS in a pod!

Sister Virginia, again, another WONDERFUL and GOD INSPIRED, Holy Spirit directed post. I don't know what LBC would do without you and the great wisdom the good Lord has given you. We praise the Lord for you every day, Sister!

Praise Jesus!!

Can I get an AMEN?

[SUV]

Originally Posted by Virginia D. Templeton

2. Reagan (Reaganomics, faith-based initiatives, won Cold War, recognized ketchup's vegetablehood)

With ketchup's vegetablehood now being recognized, can Baby-Christ-Child-as-Snail be far behind? Oh! Slither up my leg, Divinity, and tell me What's Happening!!!



And - oh my GOD - just like a Ram's Horn He looks! How very Biblical of Him!

[BornAgain]

Most of the founding fathers. Those dee-ists are surely in hell.

[SUV]

Originally Posted by BornAgain

Most of the founding fathers. Those dee-ists are surely in hell.

I really Hate those dee-ists too. Since this is now a Christian Nation, perhaps this is why today is now "President's Day" and not "Washington's Birthday" any more.
I, for one, shall choose to honor Godly Ronald Reagan on this day

[Brother Temperance]

Originally Posted by Virginia D. Templeton

As for the Godliest presidents, a list might go something like this (off the top of my head):

1. GWB (Godly War on Terror, marriage amendment, Patriot Act, opposition to stem cell murder, DOF)
2. Reagan (Reaganomics, faith-based initiatives, won Cold War, recognized ketchup's vegetablehood)

Praise! Why, I could demolish a plate of plain boiled rice with "vegetables" right about now!

[H. Montague Worthington]

On the "worst" list, I would definitely take out Mr. Nixon and replace him with Jefferson.

Mr. Nixon laid the groundwork for Mr. Reagan and Our Godly Commander-in-Chief, Our Heroic Leader, President George W. Bush. Mr. Nixon hated Joos, had long lists of enemies, played vicious hardball against his political opponents, kept most of his secrets, trained an army of burgulars and coverup artists, and seized absolute powers for the Chief Executive (as long as the Chief Executive was a Godly Republican). Mr. Nixon's biggest "crime" was being caught.

[Virginia Day Templeton]

You'll notice I avoided any mention of that business in my discussion of Mr. Nixon, since it was indeed his only saving grace. But it wasn't enough to erase his awful liberalism, enviro-mentalism, and racism. Plus, he fornicated with pandas.

[SUV]

Originally Posted by Virginia D. Templeton

Plus, he (President Nixon) fornicated with pandas.

This is so sad but for some reason I'd always suspected as much

[Virginia Day Templeton]

"If slavery is not wrong, nothing is wrong."
—Abraham Lincoln, 1864

That may be the most bone-chilling statement ever uttered by a public official in this country. Since slavery isn't wrong, Mr. Lincoln is effectively saying that murder, thievery, sodomy, adultery, fornication, masturbation, abortion, stem cell research, atheism, Catholicism, and all other horrors imaginable and otherwise are acceptable in the eyes of God. This is coming from a man who was actually elected to serve as our President! No wonder Jesus had him assassinated.

[OnYourKnees]

Originally Posted by Virginia D. Templeton

You'll notice I avoided any mention of that business in my discussion of Mr. Nixon, since it was indeed his only saving grace. But it wasn't enough to erase his awful liberalism, enviro-mentalism, and racism. Plus, he fornicated with pandas.

Sister M&Ms, it appears that this Furry Conspiracy you mentioned is far more widespread than you thought!!

Originally Posted by SUV

With ketchup's vegetablehood now being recognized, can Baby-Christ-Child-as-Snail be far behind? Oh! Slither up my leg, Divinity, and tell me What's Happening!!!



And - oh my GOD - just like a Ram's Horn He looks! How very Biblical of Him!

Ah, Sister SUV, if only all shared your devotion!

Remember, there are those who would deny or defy Him!

[SUV]

Brother Knees, I think we can give those catlickers a run for their Money with this! Instead of playing "Count the Popes in the Pizza" we Baptists can instead play "Count the Whiskers of His Precious Beard" in the White markings of the Snail Shell. (Just in case He actually isn't/wasn't a Snail, this will "cover all the bases" with Him.) Like one of those things where you guess how many pennies are in the jar.
Winner gets - a Date with Pasta?

PS Here's Daddy Mole in his younger, wilder days, thinkin' about Pizza, when he couldn't decide if he wanted to be a priest or Serpico:

[Virginia Day Templeton]

Amazing how they'll pray to a statue of a dead whore thinking it will bring them Salvation, yet cry blasphemy when confronted with the possibility that the Savior (the ONLY Savior) spend a portion of His time here on Earth as a gastropod. Amazing.