To get Cornavirus out of the headlines, let's talk Sharknado preparedness

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Brother Trump has put Mike Pence in charge. He is praying, the American healthcare system continues to be the envy of the industrialized world, Chinese restaurants are going out of business, people are no longer drinking Corona Beer, problem solved. Just another day of American Greatness.



The lamestream media needs to talk about the real looming threats that nobody is doing anything to prepare for. I'm talking about, of course, sharknados.

Of course, we all know about tornados. They are bad enough, but when you consider the increase in fish farming, and the Chinese love for shark-fin soup, and you see where things are going. Libcucks, feeling sorry for the bankruptcy of so many Chinese restaurants, will decide that anyone who doesn't chug sharkfin soup by the gallon is racist. Hipsters, will discover "shark-soup microbrews", which will be the same normal shark-fin soup with a fancier label and tripled price tag.

So, where to fish-farm all these sharks? Well, "flyoverland" has low real-estate costs, unemployed rust-belters, and people who like fishing and are always up for a challenge.

So, all the ingredients in the recipe for disaster are here: lakes full of sharks, a distraction in the form of fake-news-onavirus, and more tornadoes as God punishes us for pokemon.

How to prepare? Well, the same way republicans prepare for everything else. Go to the shooting range. Here's a target, I've already printed up a hundred or so:

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: To get Cornavirus out of the headlines, let's talk Sharknado preparedness

Well, it's still in the headlines. Let's at least give it a better name. "Coronavirus" is actually an entire class of different viruses. COVID19 is the actual name, but it's not headline worthy.

We need something catchy, (get it? As in something that will go viral) and, most importantly, something that is obviously beyond Trump's control.

I propose WORLD WAR V.

No, not the roman numeral for five, I mean V for Virus.

Other proposals: The Batmunch Fever, The Clinton Flu, The Obama Flu, or AIDS 2: Gayer and Blacker.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: To get Cornavirus out of the headlines, let's talk Sharknado preparedness

I will gladly volunteer to help with sharknado preparation. As a certified equine gnathologist, I believe my expertise will be valuable. I will be soliciting donations for this effort.

[Sally Paulson]

Re: To get Cornavirus out of the headlines, let's talk Sharknado preparedness

Coronavirus...COVID19...The Clinton Flu

World War C





Or are we saving that for when the feminists try to take over?

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: To get Cornavirus out of the headlines, let's talk Sharknado preparedness

World War C it is.

Or are we saving that for when the feminists try to take over?

We can call that World War B, or The Whore War.

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: To get Cornavirus out of the headlines, let's talk Sharknado preparedness

Seeing as this thread has turned into the general brainstorming thread, I have some ideas.

Thought #1

I've noticed that toilet paper is a really, really hot commodity all of the sudden. Not sure why - do people think coronavirus will kill all the trees? Are they so backward and barbaric that nobody told them you can buy a bidet for under $300?

Anyway, I hear that in dictatorships people buy the newspapers to use as toilet paper. And in America, the newspaper business is collapsing. Well, all we have to do is ban toilet paper manufacturing, and the newspaper industry will rebound! Best of all, since hardly anybody will actually read the things, the journalists will be free to write things other than the normal clickbait. Maybe they will just have entire issues of gut-bustingly hilarious Marmaduke cartoons.

Or they can just type "you had to be there" a zillion times for a similar comedic effect.

Thought #2: death beats taxes.

The pandemic has caused tax-filing day to be delayed. Perhaps we could extend that further by...

...No, I don't dare go further into this.

But I will dare say that if, for tax reasons, you held your nose and voted for Trump, now you might want to touch your nose for completely different reasons. Mike Pence is leading the way here.

Thought #3: Proof for the recovered/immune

The economic damage can be reduced by giving some sort of proof of immunity to people who have recovered (assume re-infection is proven impossible). A certificate or something difficult to counterfeit. The immune get to ignore quarantine rules etc.

This will be very annoying for people who got it without noticeable symptoms. No idea how to fix that.

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: To get Cornavirus out of the headlines, let's talk Sharknado preparedness

World War C it is.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography (don't have the chapter and verse on this memorized, sorry) so here is me doing God's work:

[Sally Paulson]

Re: To get Cornavirus out of the headlines, let's talk Sharknado preparedness

Let's at least give it a better name.

I propose WORLD WAR V.

It’s “catching”:

https://medium.com/@curtis.yarvin/plan-a-for-the-coronavirus-7db3997490c1

You know you’ve come up with a good name when it’s used by a guy named Moldbug. Or maybe you stay uncertain, idk.