How can we save the Republican party?

[Nobar King]

It's NOT by only pandering to the Viagra crowd:

How long is it going to take to get a decent candidate?

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: How can we save the Republican party?

It's NOT by only pandering to the Viagra crowd:

How long is it going to take to get a decent candidate?

We Republicans who are serious need to put a stop to this talk of a woman heading up our ticket.

As women have become more famous and influential, our economy has become weaker. Take the First Ladies.

Laura Bush stayed mostly in the background. The economy was great.

This Obama first lady comes along and attains celebrety status. Economy in the tank.

So, we know what to expect if one of the Republican women is successful.

[Free Market Fred]

Re: How can we save the Republican party?

Brother Nobar, I understand your distress. The thought of some uppity female ruling over a manly nation like the USA certainly sounds scary.

However, I want to reassure you that no matter which happy face the Republican Party slaps onto the telescreens television screens, the real rulers of the USA are Big Corporations like mine. And we are thoroughly male-dominated. That little slip-up with Carly Fiorina getting appointed to run HP for a while was just a case of one of our execs not being able to keep it zipped when he hired that dumb broad as a temp secretary from Kelly Services. Unfortunately, that exec was married, Carly had a hidden video camera in her purse, and well...let's just say it got messy.


"The business of America is business" - Calvin Coolidge

Anyway, female hormones and/or a low IQ are not an issue when we choose a candidate. It's all looks, smoke and mirrors. You don't think we put George W Bush into the White House so that he could actually run the country, do you? I know, he messed up a few times and started to believe his own bullsh*it, like when he said on TV that he was "The Decider" - I nearly fell out of my chair when I heard that. The only decision we ever left up to him was what color of underwear he could put on (note: he seemed to like red see-through, a habit he picked up on those frequent trips to Mexico during his "wild youth"). Anyway, we pulled his leash and reminded him which side of the bread was buttered, and he just shut up and went golfing.

We haven't decided yet which Republican corporate zombie we'll run for president in 2012, but I assure you, it's just public relations. The only thing a president has to do these days is look good on camera and shout the appropriate hate slogans - the big decisions get made at our Executive Board meetings. We're still in the early days of making a choice for 2012 - Bachmann is just one several candidates who have thrown their hats into the ring.


Candidates throw their hats into the ring

Finally, I just want to let you know that we gave the American public a sneak preview of their future back in 1996 when we introduced The Borg on Star Trek. We were just having a bit of fun by playing with words: "The Borg" is in fact "The Board," meaning our Executive Board. We're the ones who are the true masters of the universe, traveling from place-to-place, sucking up everything of value, controlling everyone and everything.


Resistance is futile

Of course, we do all this with the Lord's blessing. Indeed, we've hired Him and his son Jesus as consultants. This is the most awesome "public-private partnership" yet.

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: How can we save the Republican party?

I can only concur with the sentiments of Brother Free Market Fred when in concerns the future of the Republican Party. No matter who your cup of tea is in the early primaries, the eventual candidate will have a private meeting with representatives of Jesus' free market capitalism for an informative briefing before taking office. Rest assured, God's immutable laws of capitalism will always prevail.

[Five Year Old Girl]

Re: How can we save the Republican party?

My Mawmy says Auntie Sarah is the bestest ever. She knows all you gotta know and nuthin more, not like them bad Demercratses who gotta know more than Jeevus says you oughtta.

Some peopow say she says dumb things, but Daddy says we don't have to forgive them other peopow for knowin' better on accounta no good American would know any better'n Auntie Sarah.

[H. Montague Worthington]

Re: How can we save the Republican party?

On top of all the terrible things Obama has done to the American (and therefore, World) economy, now the Jig-in-Chief is trying to hold the economy hostage by REFUSING to capitulate to Congress on cutting spending without tax increases!! The Godly Republicans have done EVERYTHING they possibly can to work with the Economic Terrorist in the "White" House, but he refuses to take his job-killing, economy-killing tax hikes off the table!!

When Obama and his Big Government henchmen DESTROY the American economy with their massive debt that causes America to default, interest rates to go through the roof, and the economy to crumble, he'll finally have got his way. Just like a Jig to skip out on his debts!

Sad. So terribly sad what has happened to this once-great country....

[George Roland]

Re: How can we save the Republican party?

Thank you Brother Nobar! I had been worried because people who I had thought were good Republican Christians were supporting a woman as president. A woman ruling over men! That is clearly against God. Good to see some sane Republicans here.