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Reload this Page Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!
Valentine's Day, AKA Treason Season! Where we discuss the evils of this pagan holiday.

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Default Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in! - 02-09-2009, 08:27 PM

I know Skeeter's been coming in twice daily at the Landover Victory College Bookstore, hoping he'd be the first to wear an Ex-Masturbator t-shirt. Well, Skeeter, your wait is over. Landover's friends at Passion For Christ Movement have finally sent us the promised shipment of shirts.

Check it out. The shirt comes in red and black for both men and women. There's no reason not to buy one of each, although I have to warn you, our supplies are limited. And YES! We DO have a very few Ex-Fornicator shirts for those who come early.







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Default Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in! - 02-09-2009, 08:40 PM

Why, Brother Larry, I was just reading a story on this very subject.

It included this most dreadful tale of hoe woe from a confessed ex-masturbator:

Quote:
I struggled with masturbation for many years but this wasn’t the only sexually immoral thing that I was enslaved to. I started masturbating as early as 7th or 8th grade, but overall my imprisonment to lust started as early as 4 or 5 years of age. When I was a little girl, I had a friend that I played with. Something must have happened to her because it was from playing with her that I had my first sexual experience. After this one time experience I wasn’t the same and I developed homosexual tendencies as well. The seed of lust was planted and grew to maturity in my heart. I went from “humping” the floors, to sexually stimulate myself, to full on masturbation, which became my most shameful secret…

Then I tried to break free, I found that those same desires tracked me down like a Mississippi Slave catcher. I had never had so much temptation to sin by masturbating in my whole life. I kept giving in and giving in. It was hard to last one day, much less two, without doing it. This lasted from June 2005 to September 2005. Until for 2 and half months, I managed to stop. Temptations were strong. There were times I’d have to run out of my dorm room or find a public place to be in because I couldn’t be alone when I was tempted. This was huge for me because I was used to falling to this sin daily. However, I backslide due to unforgiveness.
Strangely, this young lady does not consider her latent Lezbianism to be of greater shame than her self-manipulation. Odd, that!


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Default Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in! - 02-09-2009, 09:11 PM

I don't believe those negroes and their T-Shirts. I think they are lying. They still look like savage beasts from the jungle.




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Default Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in! - 02-09-2009, 09:35 PM

Hold one of those for me, please. I'll need an extra large.



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Default Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in! - 02-09-2009, 11:42 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ahimaaz Smith View Post
Hold one of those for me, please. I'll need an extra large.
One of the shirts, or one of the Negroes?


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Default Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in! - 02-09-2009, 11:46 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
One of the shirts, or one of the Negroes?
Is that all you think about, Rod?


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Default Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in! - 02-10-2009, 03:50 AM

Having never committed the sin of Onan even once in my life, I will not be needing any of those shirts.

Lord knows I've had the chance, but I've never been tempted to engage in such a revolting, unnatural act.

Especially when Jesus is watching.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in! - 02-10-2009, 07:46 AM

Why do they make them in women's sizes, when that is an appalling, selfish, animal, male activity?

I (along with ladies everywhere, I'm sure) am deeply afronted.
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Default Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in! - 02-10-2009, 08:25 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mistress Cookie View Post
Why do they make them in women's sizes, when that is an appalling, selfish, animal, male activity?

I (along with ladies everywhere, I'm sure) am deeply afronted.
I expect they refer to ex-atheists Sis.



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Default Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in! - 02-10-2009, 12:55 PM

I agree sister. But you never know when the devil might take posession of your soul if even for a brief moment. Especially after inhaling some fumes from the cooking sherry while preparing a roast for the Sunday church potluck.
That's why Mr. Roberts insists that I wear the Godly Chastity Belt when he is on the road. He keeps the key with him of course.


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Default Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in! - 02-10-2009, 06:18 PM

Those shirts are so nice, I almost wish I'd masturbated once so I could buy and wear one!


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Default Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in! - 02-10-2009, 09:25 PM

I'll take "Ex-Liberal" and "Ex-NIV-Reader," please.


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Default Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in! - 02-10-2009, 10:11 PM

Brother Larry Lee, might you have any:

ex-catlick/nazirene/luciferian/methodless/eunuchtarian/moonie/hindoo/mooselimb/A-Christian-for-Jews-for-Jesus/Flirty-Fishie ones in?
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Default Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in! - 01-29-2010, 10:01 AM

But I love to arouse my trouser snake
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Default Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in! - 01-29-2010, 10:10 AM

Masturbation is a good thing to do. prove to me why its bad
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Smile Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in! - 01-29-2010, 10:13 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by satantouchesme View Post
Masturbation is a good thing to do. prove to me why its bad
Because the Bible says so. Wasting His seed is wrong. Reading the Bible is fundemental.
Remember at least God loves you.


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

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Default Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in! - 01-29-2010, 10:17 AM

But I have more then one seed :S
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Default Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in! - 01-29-2010, 10:20 AM

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Originally Posted by satantouchesme View Post
Masturbation is a good thing to do. prove to me why its bad
Here's a clue: I named my budgerigar Onan because he kept spilling his seed.
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Default Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in! - 01-29-2010, 11:30 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by satantouchesme View Post
Masturbation is a good thing to do. prove to me why its bad
Genesis 38:9-10 (King James Version)


9 And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother.

10 And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also.




Leviticus 26:27-29

27 And if ye will not for all this hearken unto me, but walk contrary unto me;
28 Then I will walk contrary unto you also in fury; and I, even I, will chastise you seven times for your sins.
29 And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat.
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Default Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in! - 01-29-2010, 07:15 PM

I would like to order a shirt for myself. Do you have them available in husky XXXL size? I'm willing to pay more if it's a special order.



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