[BrotherLarry]

Over a year you say. Hmmm. Have you visited the doctor lately? One more thing about Mildrew and his note: On the envelope it says PLEASE do not let this letter get in the hands of my incompatant mother as she will not be happy and might send me to a reformatory.

Not sure how I missed that. My bad.

[DolliMoans]

He is a sneaky brat, Larry, clearly Jesus saw what he was up to, for the letter to be sent to you. I've locked Mildrew in the root cellar (There's a few parsnips and drain water) until I've consulted the male church body for insight on appropriate action at this point.

[BrotherLarry]

I think consulting with the male body is proper in this case. I often do when the need arises. But I don’t think locking him away is the answer. Have you tried hugging him and expressing your love for him?

[DolliMoans]

Hold on Larry, a new letter has just arrived.


Dee Penharder, age 14 - "My mommy and daddy have arranged me a new husband, and I'm a little nervous. I overheard daddy say my new husband is black! I don't wanna be wed to a scary nigra. pardon me for the potty talk, but is it true black man have giant penises? Please help me Dolli, I'm worried they are wedding me off to the new neighbor whose black and smells like a Turks bassment when he comes walking by."

"Deary me, Dee, this does sound like a pickle! It doesn't seem you come from from a very Christian neighbor hood, to allow any one to to live there, willy-nilly. Speaking of willy, you don't need to concern your precious little mind over the endowment of your husband. If your parents have any sense, it's likely you are misunderstanding what you overheard, and they are in fact planning to give you off to Conrad Black! Our Glorious Trump has just pardoned him, did you know? His time in false imprisonments surely must have taken a toll on his grieving wife, who will undoubtedly be cast aside for someone who doesn't need Botox to look like a kewpie doll. Keep praying Dee, and this could be your future man of your dreams! His annulment from Babs will come soon, and his Swiss bank account is the only endowment you need to concern over!


((Those feline eyebrows )

[BrotherLarry]

I can understand why that letter took precedence over my note to you. What a situation. Let's hope it is indeed, the honorable Conrad Black (what an honorable sounding name!) for whom this person is slated.


I had a collect call on my land line (yes, I still have one!) from someone saying they were Lysol Moans. I didn't take it because I wasn't sure if it was actually real. In the world of fake news I would hate to incur charges from an impostor. Here's the message that the operator allowed them to leave: (which is not supposed to happen!)




Mr. Larry please call me Lysol right away when you get this I will pay for the call Mom is nuts and it's getting worse. I know you're a man of great compassion as I've read Mom's computer when she was out with the neighbor many times. She flirtates with him since Dad died. I love you Mr. Larry.

[DolliMoans]

Are you sure it wasn't a certain Edward Curtis Grimace in a cheap wig?

It couldn't possibly be my Lysol. Her body was horribly mutilated after being spun around at 350 mph amongst cows and shards of metal. I'd don't think it would be right of me to post the autopsy photos here.

[BibleReader2231]

Miss Moans I sent in a question but I don’t see it listed yet so I figured I would ask you directly. As a young female who has been experiencing changes the past three years, I have only had one potential suitor (unfortunately he passed away in a four-wheeling accident). He is no longer with us and I fear that I may be unwed by the time I am 18. My Pa has been working aggressively to find me a potential husband but to no avail. How do I find a husband without being shown off as a “slut” or “hussy” in the eyes of God? Excuse my bad language. It is what my Pa says about atheist women (which I REFUSE to be).

[MitzaLizalor]

No-one worth mentioning is interested in trollops. However as the seasons change different pigments react differently in different light, caused by the sun shining from a different angle. Winter and summer styles use quite specific pigments in the dyes for this reason. Indoor lighting and particularly floodlighting at night, the different types of street lighting, reflective surfaces (water, glass, mirrors, leaves in wooded areas) all have their own effects.

There has been a trend among "certain types" to wear camouflage patterns. For example in woodland at night wearing that khaki & green stuff you would be invisible. Moonlight requires its own pattern, usually the stuff worn by sailors in icefields. It's actually quite attractive. I'll see if I can find a sample…………………

Yes. This is more or less what I was thinking of but I was horrified to learn that, when ordering, it is ESSENTIAL to make sure you've specified FABRIC because SHOES are also available and they are just revolting. A sample of each is included here:

. . . . . . .

As you can see it's not a mistake you'd want to make. The white can be reflective (something like ice is) and particularly at night under those blueish streetlights. The best way to check when buying fabric is to get one of those small battery powered violet lights. Take it along and shine it on the pattern you're looking at. The highlights picked out will be brighter as the sun shines from higher in the sky.

If you'd like some patterns I would be happy to show your Pa a few suitably modest styles. As I say, you don't want to look like a trollop but you don't want to be invisible either.

[Dana723]

My son John asks:


Why are there contradictions in the Bible? I asked my father and he boxed my ears and told me there were none. But when I read my Bible, I find them all the time. When I asked my mother, she said to ask my father. I am very confused.


We have trouble with that boy sometimes and I think all the boxing of his ears have given him brain damage. Still, maybe you can explain it in a way that will get through to him.

[MitzaLizalor]

Originally Posted by Dana723

My son John asks:


Why are there contradictions in the Bible? I asked my father and he boxed my ears and told me there were none. But when I read my Bible, I find them all the time. When I asked my mother, she said to ask my father. I am very confused.


We have trouble with that boy sometimes and I think all the boxing of his ears have given him brain damage. Still, maybe you can explain it in a way that will get through to him.

Has he given you an example?

[Dana723]

Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor

Has he given you an example?

His first question was why there were two accounts in Genesis of the Creation. I honestly didn't have an answer for that, so I sent him out to feed the pigs.

[MitzaLizalor]

Originally Posted by Dana723

His first question was why there were two accounts in Genesis of the Creation. I honestly didn't have an answer for that, so I sent him out to feed the pigs.

Oh, the answer is easy.

There aren't.

[Dana723]

Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor

Oh, the answer is easy.

There aren't.

I will tell him that a told me that!

[BrotherLarry]

Dear Sister Dolli:

A distraught 11 year old boy came to me crying after Sunday School this past week. Naturally, I lent an ear - but his problem is one that is likely best suited for you and your special gift of helping our children. In a nutshell, here is what he lamented:


Both his parents (who do NOT attend church, by the way, they just send him on the church bus) are practicing democrats. They both voted for Hillary Clinton in the last election and intend to support the democrat candidate again this year. They are also members of a group determined to retake the senate by doing all they can to canvass for the democrat candidates in each state where that election is up for grabs.


Here's the saddest part. They young man said, "God answers prayer. I know this. But what about the prayers of democrats? It doesn't say that He won't answer the prayers of democrats. What if a democrat prays for another democrat to win?" I tried explaining that democrats are sinners and that God doesn't hear the prayers of the unrighteous. I don't think I got through to him. His name is Jedediah and he's a precious soul in the eyes of our Lord. He tithes from his school lunch money!


BrotherLarry

[Jim C. Lombardo]

Originally Posted by DolliMoans

Sarah Smythe-Poots, age 6, writes:

"Hi Miss Dolli, Im sorry ifs this rude of me to ask, ifs men doctors who examine girls hoochies is called ginacollageests, what are girl doctors who check little boy choo-choos called?"

ME: Short answer Sarah, perverts. Under no circumstance should women be touching sensitive male areas, let alone be allowed to become practicing medical doctors. It's for this reason there is no real word for such profession, except a prostitute. What does the Bible say about prostitutes?

Leviticus 21:9 And the daughter of any priest, if she profane herself by playing the whore, she profaneth her father: she shall be burnt with fire.

Now Sarah, I've met the good Reverend Smythe-Poots, and I'm sure he'd be very cross to know you've learned a big word,"gynaecologist". It's time you stop wasting your time contemplating such filth and start tithing your milk money you've been keeping from Jesus, or else your harlot ways will be met by Hellfire!

It's been reported Miss Dolli is getting through a long illness, thoughts and prayers to her. I would like to interject here to say that they are called guy-naecologists, not girl-naecologists.