X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 4
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous 1 2 3 4 template Next
  • #1

    Jesus' Foreskin Stolen

    This story boggles the mind. These mary worshipers get up to some crazy hijinks, I'll say. I mean honestly, why would Jesus allow papist dogs to posses His most private part?

    In 1983, as the residents of Calcata, a small town 30 miles north of Rome, prepared for their annual procession honoring a holy relic, a shocking announcement from the parish priest put a damper on festivities. 'This year, the holy relic will not be exposed to the devotion of the faithful. It has vanished. Sacrilegious thieves have taken it from my home.' Not since the Middle Ages, when lopped-off body parts of divine do-gooders were bought, sold, and traded, has relic theft been big news. But the mysterious disappearance of Calcata's beloved curio is different.
    "This wasn't just the residuum of any holy human - nor was it just any body part. It was the foreskin of Jesus Christ, the snipped-off tip of the savior's penis, the only piece of his body he supposedly left on earth.
    "Just what the holy foreskin was doing in the priest's house - in a shoebox at the back of his wardrobe, no less - and why and how it disappeared has been debated ever since the relic vanished. Some suspect the village priest sold it for a heavenly sum; others say it was stolen by thieves and ended up on the relics black market; some even suggest Satanists or neo-Nazis are responsible. But the most likely culprit is an unlikely one: the Vatican.
    I don't think the skirts at the Vatican were responsible....Let's just say that Landover Baptist will be erecting a new chapel this Spring. The entrance fee will be low, but what a sight you'll see!
    Who Will Jesus Damn?

    Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

    Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

    Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Re: Jesus' Foreskin Stolen

    My guess is that the 'relic' probably 'vanished' as soon as someone asked it be submitted for DNA testing.
    sigpic
    Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: Jesus' Foreskin Stolen

      Understandable—what right-thinking Christian™ would want the flesh of our LORD and Savior to fall into the grubby mitts of scienterrorists?
      sigpic

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: Jesus' Foreskin Stolen

        Obviously an xtian who would be afraid of the results, the same as the (in)famous shroud of turin. So many people thought that was the real thing, dated, it isn't even 1000 years old.
        sigpic
        Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: Jesus' Foreskin Stolen

          And we all know how accurate radioactive dating is...
          sigpic

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: Jesus' Foreskin Stolen

            I'm sorry, but I cannot take such a biased, unobjective source seriously.
            sigpic
            Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: Jesus' Foreskin Stolen

              Originally posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
              I'm sorry, but I cannot take such a biased, unobjective source seriously.
              What do you take seriously then?
              Your entire "faith" (that sorry excuse of a false religion refered to as "wicca") is BIASED since it is invented by DEMONS.
              And it WORSHIPS DEMONS.

              So don't come talking to us about being biased.
              That's laughable.

              Only a True Christian, whom are probably the only unbiased people in the world, would have the right to call anyone biased.
              You don't, get over your big ego, woman.
              If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: But if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it.
              A foolish woman is clamorous: She is simple, and knoweth nothing.
              Proverbs 9:12-13

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: Jesus' Foreskin Stolen

                Ummm...I'm not sure a True Christian woman such as myself should even be exposed to this kind of talk about our dear Saviour's private areas. Shouldn't this be in Manly Men's forum?
                Tir'd, and despairing, O celestial maid,
                I'm caught, I cry'd, without thy heav'nly aid.
                Help me, Diana, help a nymph forlorn,
                Devoted to the woods, who long has worn
                Thy livery, and long thy quiver born.                 - Ovid

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: Jesus' Foreskin Stolen

                  Originally posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
                  I'm sorry, but I cannot take such a biased, unobjective source seriously.
                  You are perfectly right! All humans are biased and subjective. Nobody's perfect. That's why you should stick to the one source that's guaranteed accurate, because it comes straight from GOD!
                  Originally posted by Arethusa
                  Ummm...I'm not sure a True Christian woman such as myself should even be exposed to this kind of talk about our dear Saviour's private areas. Shouldn't this be in Manly Men's forum?
                  Bah! It was only after a long executive discussion that we agreed to put this topic in here in the first place! Certain Pastors (who shall remain nameless), wanted to put it in the Christian Parenting Forum, as a resource for parents wishing to educate their children about anatomy and Our Lord at the same time.
                  O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



                  God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Re: Jesus' Foreskin Stolen

                    Originally posted by SalvationSeeker View Post
                    What do you take seriously then?
                    Your entire "faith" (that sorry excuse of a false religion refered to as "wicca") is BIASED since it is invented by DEMONS.
                    And it WORSHIPS DEMONS.
                    Listen here, Sallyboy, I'm a Pagan, NOT a wiccan. Sheesh. There is a BIG difference. Wicca is to Paganism as Xtianity is to Judaism, to put it in terms you'll understand.

                    So don't come talking to us about being biased.
                    That's laughable.
                    Oh, come now. That'd be like my telling the sky not to be blue.

                    Only a True Christian, whom are probably the only unbiased people in the world, would have the right to call anyone biased.
                    You don't, get over your big ego, woman.
                    Are you on crack?

                    Originally posted by BT
                    You are perfectly right! All humans are biased and subjective. Nobody's perfect. That's why you should stick to the one source that's guaranteed accurate, because it comes straight from GOD!
                    No thanks, for my fairytales I prefer the Brothers Grimm. Much more interesting. And wow...the original versions....yikes!
                    Anyway, biased unobjective sources. I mean someone who was simply stating the facts as discovered, someone who is not biased either one way or the other way, but scientifically neutral so to speak. What Virginia posted is very highly biased creationist stuff.
                    sigpic
                    Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Re: Jesus' Foreskin Stolen

                      WHY would anybody save the foreskin of this Jesus? Sounds a bit perverted to me, my lovelies. Well, if I shoulddd come across it I MIGHT turn it over to LBC...OR...I just might keep it in my own personal museum of oddities. It's a SICK thought, however....keeping a baby's foreskin. And I bet it reallyyyy smells after 2000 years....LOL
                      "I'm just a sweet transvestite from Transsexual, Transylvania."

                      "Don't dream it...BE IT!"

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        Re: Jesus' Foreskin Stolen

                        Originally posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
                        Anyway, biased unobjective sources. I mean someone who was simply stating the facts as discovered, someone who is not biased either one way or the other way, but scientifically neutral so to speak. What Virginia posted is very highly biased creationist stuff.
                        In other words, what Virginia posted stated scientific facts that you don't like.
                        O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



                        God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          Re: Jesus' Foreskin Stolen

                          Originally posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
                          Listen here, Sallyboy, I'm a Pagan, NOT a wiccan. Sheesh. There is a BIG difference. Wicca is to Paganism as Xtianity is to Judaism, to put it in terms you'll understand.
                          Does that mean the founder of Wicca, who was and is the Son of the Living God, was brutally tortured and murdered by a mob of lox-gobbling pagans and hung out to dry like a pair of old boxer shorts? Fascinating.

                          What Virginia posted is very highly biased creationist stuff.
                          To expound on what Brother Temperance wrote... the word "bias" is in itself, well, biased. It implies that there is no objective Truth in the universe, and that to stand on one side of an issue is the moral and intellectual equivalent of standing on any other side. However, the Bible teaches us that this is hogwash. There is objective Truth, and its Creator has laid it out explicitly for us to see—and only the very stupidest among us choose not to do so.
                          sigpic

                          Comment

                          • #14
                            Re: Jesus' Foreskin Stolen

                            Originally posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
                            Listen here, Sallyboy, I'm a Pagan, NOT a wiccan. Sheesh. There is a BIG difference. Wicca is to Paganism as Xtianity is to Judaism, to put it in terms you'll understand.

                            You both worship satan, just under different names, and using different rituals.
                            There is no other difference.

                            Are you on crack?

                            No, I'm simply under the influence of the Holy Spirit, that is why you cannot stand against me in debate.
                            Praise Jesus!
                            If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: But if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it.
                            A foolish woman is clamorous: She is simple, and knoweth nothing.
                            Proverbs 9:12-13

                            Comment

                            • #15
                              Re: Jesus' Foreskin Stolen

                              Perhaps....DNA extraction....Cloning?

                              Hello Dolly?

                              (just a thought)


                              But what if the relic is bogus? What if the result is
                              just another joo?




                              THIS is why men must not play God!
                              God will not be played!

                              Comment

                              Previous 1 2 3 4 template Next
                              Working...
                              X