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Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!
ONLY ONE WEEK LEFT!!!
ONLY ONE WEEK LEFT!!!
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Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!
Glory! I've just sold all of my possessions except for my 1611 KJV Bible (I couldn't bear to part with it) and tithed all the money to Landover!Originally posted by Heathen_Basher View Post
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Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!
LOL, me too! I have mortgaged my homes and all properties, giving the money to the Church as instructed. I feel so free and unburdened. Tonight, I am taking the family out to dinner and I am going to buy everyone in the place's dinner too, all on the Platimun AMEX. I'll never see the bill - Whoo HooOriginally posted by Jacob11 View PostGlory! I've just sold all of my possessions except for my 1611 KJV Bible (I couldn't bear to part with it) and tithed all the money to Landover!
Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.Comment
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Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!
Levi, I think you said too much.Originally posted by Levi Jones View Post
Son... Brother Levi has no idea what he is talking about. He got confused aboutHabukiKabuki theather, you know, that slant stuff.Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.Comment
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Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!
My apologies, Brother Jim. I obviously meant that other stuff you were talking about.Originally posted by James Hutchins View PostLevi, I think you said too much.
Son... Brother Levi has no idea what he is talking about. He got confused aboutHabukiKabuki theather, you know, that slant stuff.
Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.
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Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!
Hmm, it's Thursday . . . and I've fully recovered from the fish problem. But what's the real deal? Will my congregation be saved too?Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View PostBible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!
Originally posted by Jacob11 View PostGlory! I've just sold all of my possessions except for my 1611 KJV Bible (I couldn't bear to part with it) and tithed all the money to Landover!Greetings, Brothers Jacob & James. I want to applaud both of you for your deep understanding of short-term free-market economics. You've certainly made wise decisions.Originally posted by James Hutchins View PostLOL, me too! I have mortgaged my homes and all properties, giving the money to the Church as instructed. I feel so free and unburdened. Tonight, I am taking the family out to dinner and I am going to buy everyone in the place's dinner too, all on the Platimun AMEX. I'll never see the bill - Whoo Hoo
I'd also like to invite both of you to apply for our pre-approved high-interest credit cards. All of your family members are also eligible to apply: the wife, kids and pets. Within minutes, you could all be enjoying steak dinners at our expense - I'll bet your dog Fido would like that!
Manna from Heaven.
As for repayment, with the world set to end in about one week, you're in the clear! And if The Lord decides to postpone Armageddon for awhile, you'll only be liable to pay the minimum $15/month for the first full year even if you borrow $5000 (at 29% annual interest). After the year is up, by that time we will have bundled your debt into a triple A-rated collateral-debt obligation (CDO) and sold it off to a pension fund, state or local government, a foreign bank, or some other sucker (and I will have collected my year-end bonus). So no problem - take your time paying!
Armageddon? Bah-humbug!
You guys are great. Just the sort of customers that have helped to make America what it is!Praise Jesus!
Brother Fred
CEO, The Uranus Corporation
Put your faith in Uranus!
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Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!
You can count me in, brother Fred. Where do I sign up?Comment
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Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!
Glad you asked, Brother 18.Originally posted by christian18 View Post
Project Habakkuk is an old idea from before my time, back during World War II when my company was working with the Germans on oven manufacturing until that Joo-bastard Roosevelt forced us to switch sides. Anyway, Wikipedia gives the rundown:
Unfortunately, it didn't work out because pykrete had a high melting point, and the whole project was suspended (but not before my company pocketed a tidy sum from government contracts). However, I'm happy to announce that engineers at our subsidiary Uranus Corporation recently came up with a modern improvement to pykrete, which we call Brown 25:
Project Habakkuk or Habbakuk (spelling varies; see below) was a plan by the British in World War II to construct an aircraft carrier out of pykrete (a mixture of wood pulp and ice), for use against German U-boats in the mid-Atlantic, which was out of range of land-based planes....
We've found so many uses for it: food containers, pharmaceuticals, vaccines, organic chocolate, etc. It's one of our most profitable products.Praise Jesus!
Brother Fred
CEO, The Uranus Corporation
Put your faith in Uranus!
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Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!
Just to let everyone know; I've cancelled all my engagements after March 3rd. I thought I'd stay home on March 4th and host a reception on my estate for the Platinum Tithers who will be Rapturing up to Heaven with me. We may as well travel in a group.
We may as well finish off my wine cellar as well.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!Comment
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Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!
Originally posted by True Disciple View PostThat's great, Petal! We can use every donation we can get!
i done solds all my medickashun over the innernets cuz i not gonna needs it no more, yay! 
i sends that medickashun moneys to the pastors rite nows
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Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!
I know what I am going to do after the Rapture. I am going to watch Alfred Kong burn!Originally posted by Alfred King View Post5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
- Protect your family the Christian way! Get your daughter raped!
- Only Sluts Get Raped! (1st Timothy 2:9)
- Down syndrome is a lifestyle choice!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."Comment
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Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!
After church this morning I went into town with my "The Rapture -- March 4th 2010. Glory!" sign. It was a joyous witnessing session, as I stood next to another True Christian™, a man who stands quietly with an "Abortion is murder!" sign. He also has a large picture of a bloodied baby (or 'clump of cells', as the feminazis like to say).
We agreed that March 4th will be wonderful -- just think, GOD may very well Rapture babies out of their unsaved mother's wombs. Serves them right! However, I believe pregnant True Christian™ wives will be Raptured along with their unborn babies; it seems unlikely that the Lord will Rapture pregnant Christian women and leave their unborn babies behind.
I hasten to add this is mere speculation on my part ... but if the LORD does decide to leave mewling unborn Christian babies behind, He will have very good reason for doing so.True Christians are Perfect!
Signs that you belong to a FALSE Christian Church.
Persecution You Have Endured for CHRIST: what doesn't kill you makes you stronger in Christ.
For True Christians™ only: please send me Project Habakkuk updates at gertruderogers@landoverbaptist.net. Thank you.Comment
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Re: WARNING!!! The world is going to end on March 4, 2010!
Mrs. Quest and I are so excited. March 4th is our wedding anniversary. Its a wonderfull gift...
"And saith unto him, Every man at the beginning doth set forth good wine; and when men have well drunk, then that which is worse: but thou hast kept the good wine until now. This beginning of miracles did Jesus in Cana of Galilee, and manifested forth His glory; and His disciples believed on Him" (John 2:10-11 KJV)Comment
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