My Dinner with televangelist Jan Crouch

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Tonight, I had dinner with the lovely and beautiful Jan Crouch. Paul was supposed to have joined us but unfortunately he came down with a stomach ailment this morning. We ate at the famous Beverly Hills restaurant Spago and were seated just two booths away from Tom Hanks and his wife Rita Wilson. Don't get me wrong, I like Tom's movies (Saving Private Ryan was spectacular, and the Da Vinci Code exposes the dark secrets of the Catholic Church), but I was just dying to chew his wife out for not taking his last name.

Paul (the apostle, not Rev. Crouch) tells us that the man is the head of the woman. Clearly the Hankses are not living according to Biblical standards so don't be shocked when you see them splitting up on next week's People magazine cover.

Anyways, Jan and I had a wonderful conversation covering everything from the Book of John to waterskiing to the rise of Islam in Europe to hot vacation spots to effective methods of converting atheists to fundraising ideas to favorite places to shop on Rodeo Drive. She is such a witty and intelligent woman. Many people think she is a "bimbo" because of how she acts on TV and the fact that she's just absolutely gorgeous, but that woman has a mind deep down.

After tipping the waiter a hundred dollar bill we got into my Mercedes SL65 and cruised up and down Hollywood. We saw many unsaved freaks. Hookers. Drug addicts. Transvestites. Punks. Queers. We wondered just how bad this world has become and it just reaffirmed our life's mission of going on TV and winning souls for Christ.

We then drove to a upscale bar and relaxed and talked for a couple hours. The conversation got a little personal at this point and I'm not at liberty to divulge what we talked about of respect for her and myself. Before we knew it the bar was closing and I drove her back to her house. Paul was asleep. I really hope he doesn't get angry for returning her so late, but he's a gentle, forgiving man and a fantastic example of a Christian, so I don't think there will be any problem.

Here's a picture of us.

[HTannor]

Re: My Dinner with televangelist Jan Crouch

Rev. Jim: From time to time each of us face issues where having the ear of another is of great help.

I certainly wouldn't want you to divulge any private thoughts between the two of you, but did you find that you had to engage in any intense one-on-one counselling with Sister Jan?

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: My Dinner with televangelist Jan Crouch

Is her hair pink in person or does it just look that way on TV?

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: My Dinner with televangelist Jan Crouch

Rev. Jim: From time to time each of us face issues where having the ear of another is of great help.

I certainly wouldn't want you to divulge any private thoughts between the two of you, but did you find that you had to engage in any intense one-on-one counselling with Sister Jan?

Well you can probably tell by watching "Praise the Lord" the last couple of years. Jan doesn't seem as ebullient and effervescent as she once was. And it's not due to age either. Let's just say I was there to offer pastoral advice and my personal friendship to some issues she cannot talk to her husband about.

Needless to say, I have another date dinner planned with Jan this upcoming Friday. I'll let you know how it turns out!

Is her hair pink in person or does it just look that way on TV?

Well, actually it's more of a vivid magenta color. Due to the color imbalance in television signals and reception, it comes out more of a pink. But in real life, I would describe it as a rich magenta-fuchsia mix.

[James Hutchins]

Re: My Dinner with televangelist Jan Crouch

Sounds like it was a evening filled with rising spiritualness

[Rek2008]

Re: My Dinner with televangelist Jan Crouch

How about a little commentary about your "dinner with Jan" from the "unsaved trash under investigation" ? You start off with your expensive dinner at SPAGO's sitting close to Tom Hanks and his wife whom you looked your christian nose down at because she chooses to use her own last name. (She is still an actress and is widely known by that name).

You go on from there to tell us about the C-note you tipped the waiter then got into your expensive (Mercedes SL65) automobile and cruised around Hollywood, again looking down your so-called christian noses at the low-life who aren't fortunate enough to make the kind of living you do bilking poor people out of their money.

Then you drove to an "UPSCALE" bar and began shamelessly plying Jan with drinks and getting a "little personal" with this married woman. Of course you're not at liberty to divulge what you talked about. We can imagine. You took Paul's wife home late knowing this "sensitive man" wouldn't mind. Is sensitive a euphemism for gay to you?

and then you write;

"Needless to say, I have another date/dinner planned with Jan this upcoming Friday. I'll let you know how it turns out!

How wonderful for you, Reverend Jim! You took Jan out, blew a wad on her, got her good and tipsy, probably talked about how neither of you are getting any these days and now you've scored another DATE with her. Way to go, my christian friend.

Rek2008
"Unsaved Trash under Investigation"


PS I do thank you for that nice photograph you two took together. You look like a beached walrus, but Jan looks very elegant. It's one of her better photos.

[Rek2008]

Re: My Dinner with televangelist Jan Crouch

By the way Rev. Jim ... I'd like a "date" with Jan too. I don't have a Mercedes but I bet she'd love a ride on my Harley. Howz about sharing her cell number with me. I wouldn't even publish it on my yahoo group ...

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/JanCROUCHHottie

Well, not right away, anyway.

Rek2008
Unsaved Scumbag under Investigation

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: My Dinner with televangelist Jan Crouch

By the way Rev. Jim ... I'd like a "date" with Jan too. I don't have a Mercedes but I bet she'd love a ride on my Harley. Howz about sharing her cell number with me. I wouldn't even publish it on my yahoo group ...

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/JanCROUCHHottie

Well, not right away, anyway.

Rek2008
Unsaved Scumbag under Investigation

Are you some kind of a sick-o? One of those Televangelist groupie stalkers? I've had to deal with my share of you freaks, and I know that sister Crouch and Rev. Jim have too.

Don't make us have to get Jesus to take out a restraining order on you.

[Rek2008]

Re: My Dinner with televangelist Jan Crouch

Are you some kind of a sick-o? One of those Televangelist groupie stalkers? I've had to deal with my share of you freaks, and I know that sister Crouch and Rev. Jim have too.

Don't make us have to get Jesus to take out a restraining order on you.

Guilty as charged. Ms. Crouch just brings out the beast in me. I look at her pictures and suddenly I'm not myself ... all I can think of is sodomizing the gomorrah out of her while she's fervently praising the RIZ ! I'm goin' to hell I JUST KNOW IT! What can be done for me, Pastor ??

Rek2008
Unsaved decadent televangelist-stalking sodomizer

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: My Dinner with televangelist Jan Crouch

Guilty as charged. Ms. Crouch just brings out the beast in me. I look at her pictures and suddenly I'm not myself ... all I can think of is sodomizing the gomorrah out of her while she's fervently praising the RIZ ! I'm goin' to hell I JUST KNOW IT! What can be done for me, Pastor ??

Rek2008
Unsaved decadent televangelist-stalking sodomizer

Well, you might try accepting Jesus as your Personal Savior(r) for starters.

Are you a queer as well? Betty Bower's BASH Program can help you there.

Please make a thread of your own in the "Introductions" section of the forum, so that we can properly greet you. Tell us about yourself, your church, and how you came to find Jesus.

[cigary]

Re: My Dinner with televangelist Jan Crouch

Tonight, I had dinner with the lovely and beautiful Jan Crouch. Paul was supposed to have joined us but unfortunately he came down with a stomach ailment this morning. We ate at the famous Beverly Hills restaurant Spago and were seated just two booths away from Tom Hanks and his wife Rita Wilson. Don't get me wrong, I like Tom's movies (Saving Private Ryan was spectacular, and the Da Vinci Code exposes the dark secrets of the Catholic Church), but I was just dying to chew his wife out for not taking his last name.

Paul (the apostle, not Rev. Crouch) tells us that the man is the head of the woman. Clearly the Hankses are not living according to Biblical standards so don't be shocked when you see them splitting up on next week's People magazine cover.

Anyways, Jan and I had a wonderful conversation covering everything from the Book of John to waterskiing to the rise of Islam in Europe to hot vacation spots to effective methods of converting atheists to fundraising ideas to favorite places to shop on Rodeo Drive. She is such a witty and intelligent woman. Many people think she is a "bimbo" because of how she acts on TV and the fact that she's just absolutely gorgeous, but that woman has a mind deep down.

After tipping the waiter a hundred dollar bill we got into my Mercedes SL65 and cruised up and down Hollywood. We saw many unsaved freaks. Hookers. Drug addicts. Transvestites. Punks. Queers. We wondered just how bad this world has become and it just reaffirmed our life's mission of going on TV and winning souls for Christ.

We then drove to a upscale bar and relaxed and talked for a couple hours. The conversation got a little personal at this point and I'm not at liberty to divulge what we talked about of respect for her and myself. Before we knew it the bar was closing and I drove her back to her house. Paul was asleep. I really hope he doesn't get angry for returning her so late, but he's a gentle, forgiving man and a fantastic example of a Christian, so I don't think there will be any problem.

Here's a picture of us.

What piety! Just reading this makes me want to wretch when I think of those who think of themselves as better than they really are. How vain to think of yourself driving in your Mercedes going to upscale bars...tipping with C notes...you have no idea the harm you do just by pretending to be Gods chosen. You undo in one evening what it takes true evangelists years to set examples. Enjoy your riches in this life because eternity is just around the corner where you will be judged for the things done in this life. Hypocrisy is truly an ugly thing to behold....I don't have a C note to tip you Mr. Osborne but I do have a warning...start investing in some asbestos underwear cuz you're going to need it where you're going.

[cigary]

Re: My Dinner with televangelist Jan Crouch

Dear cigary,

You have received an infraction at The Landover Baptist Church Forums.

Reason: Insulting Landover and/or TCs
-------
How rude.

You got that right Mrs. Rogers...it's obscene that you feel Mr. Osborne is such an upright and righteous individual when his hypocrisy and yours is so evident. You might want to read some parables that our Lord talked about...those people who are like "whited sepulchres"...you and Mr. Osborne and the Crouches are no better than the Pharisees and Saducees who walked around in their robes and expensive jewelry proclaiming to be religious people when in fact you're all like dead people inside. Go ahead and hit me with some more infractions because you can't hide from the truth...a family like their who extort money and live like they do on million dollar salaries all the while begging for more money..very impressive when the whole family is on the payroll for millions of dollars and she wears more make up and dresses like the hookers on the street. What Christian woman would dress like that and then call herself a Christian? Isn't she supposed to bring glory to God instead of dressing up like RuPaul? Her hair alone looks like something that got caught in propellar and whoever puts on her makeup must use a paint brush...seriously!

[Bryan Tamariki]

Re: My Dinner with televangelist Jan Crouch

Rev. Jim, if you have the pleasure of dining with Jan Crouch again could you please get her autograph for me? My good friend Pastor Sean, from the Church of the Cross in Turangi, is a big fan of hers.

YIC
Bryan.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: My Dinner with televangelist Jan Crouch

Dear cigary,

You have received an infraction at The Landover Baptist Church Forums.

Reason: Insulting Landover and/or TCs
-------
How rude.

You got that right Mrs. Rogers...it's obscene that you feel Mr. Osborne is such an upright and righteous individual when his hypocrisy and yours is so evident. You might want to read some parables that our Lord talked about...those people who are like "whited sepulchres"...you and Mr. Osborne and the Crouches are no better than the Pharisees and Saducees who walked around in their robes and expensive jewelry proclaiming to be religious people when in fact you're all like dead people inside. Go ahead and hit me with some more infractions because you can't hide from the truth...a family like their who extort money and live like they do on million dollar salaries all the while begging for more money..very impressive when the whole family is on the payroll for millions of dollars and she wears more make up and dresses like the hookers on the street. What Christian woman would dress like that and then call herself a Christian? Isn't she supposed to bring glory to God instead of dressing up like RuPaul? Her hair alone looks like something that got caught in propellar and whoever puts on her makeup must use a paint brush...seriously!

Friend,

Please listen to Jesus.

John 7:24
Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.

Now how is one hair color anything but appearances? Yes, you personally don't like big hair like Jan Crouch or men in Italian 100% wool suits like Rev Osbron but that is no excuse to damn them. Both Osborn and Crouch have spent years spreading The Lord's word. So what if Jesus tosses them a bone or two as a reward in the here and now? It's their deeds that count.

[BelieverInGod]

Re: My Dinner with televangelist Jan Crouch

Why do the unsaved trash always whine when they get an infraction? I guess that's why they hate God as well, because God corrects us and tests us and they don't like that. Nope in their little mind, God is supposed to make this world a complete utopia just for them.