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  • #16
    Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

    Originally posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
    put me down for ½ dozen size 8's.

    I have a question which you might be able to help me with. As you know, I have not always been a Christian and I'm still obliged to witness numerous perversions in connection with work. Recently at an "art" festival there were the usual M'ing kiosks but there was a new one this year: BODY ART.

    One of the "adornments" on offer was a Prince Albert (some sort of piercing, I gathered) but what concerns me is that the picture in this heathen's poster was very similar to the one you posted.

    In particular, this bit:

    [ATTACH]18405[/ATTACH]

    What is a Prince Albert, and why would anyone want one?
    Isn't Prince Albert one of the Queen of England's children with rather large ears?

    I've heard they are all sex craved perverts, whores and adulterers.
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    • #17
      Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

      Hello Brethren and Sistren,

      Please join our Anti-Masturbation Group - Handz Off for JESUS!

      A group for prayer and support for people who struggle with self perversion. Matt 5:28-29 "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. Matthew 5:28 "But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Galatians 5:16 I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. 1 John 2:16 For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father but is of the world. I Peter 2:11 Beloved, I beg you as sojourners and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts which war against the soul. Please join our group today and feel free to post how you fought and won your urge to self molest. SHOUT GLORY!!




      Please be sure to share your stories about how you were able to refrain from self molesting while you are there!

      GLORY!

      Sister Thumper
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      • #18
        Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

        I have joined your group, and I will definitely as the fellows from G.A.P.E. if they'd be interested in holding a fundraiser in support of it.

        Also, regarding these tee shirts, I'm a bit stocky, and have strangely gained a lot of weight since I quit m-ing. Do you think it might be possible to custom order one in a 3XL for me?
        WARNING:
        In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
        REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

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        • #19
          Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

          Originally posted by Jack O'fagan View Post
          Daisy Mae, are the T shirts restricted to potential masturbators? A friend of mine is spreading the good news of Jesus among lepers in India. I was thinking that the T shirts would be great for the children. Maybe 'hands off' could be a fun Bible club for amputees?

          YIC

          Jack
          Brother, how very thoughtful of you to think of these little sinners. I would be glad to donate a box of size small to them because it's the Christian thing to do.

          However, does your friend know he is wasting his time because cripples can't go to Heaven?

          Anyway, let me know where to send the T-shirts.

          Kind, generous and helpful,

          Sister Thumper
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          • #20
            Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

            I need to join this club immediately. While viewing Faith Machine's post: Bachelors, I've found some suitable brides for you! I took my pants off, the shorts I wear under my pants off, and had the key to my underwear out, before I realized God was watching me. I've been praying for the last 20 minutes. Please say a prayer for me also.
            Exodus 21:20-21

            20And if a man smite his servant, or his maid, with a rod, and he die under his hand; he shall be surely punished. 21Notwithstanding, if he continue a day or two, he shall not be punished: for he is his money.

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            • #21
              Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

              Originally posted by The Lord's Sword View Post
              I need to join this club immediately. While viewing Faith Machine's post: Bachelors, I've found some suitable brides for you! I took my pants off, the shorts I wear under my pants off, and had the key to my underwear out, before I realized God was watching me. I've been praying for the last 20 minutes. Please say a prayer for me also.
              How is getting married going to help men to beat off the masturbation habit Brother Sword?

              Keeping in mind Jesus is watching us men at ALL times may help.

              Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

              Hot Must ReadThreads!


              Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!

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              • #22
                Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

                Originally posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
                How is getting married going to help men to beat off the masturbation habit Brother Sword?

                Keeping in mind Jesus is watching us men at ALL times may help.
                It was the pictures of those beautiful women in mini-skirts. Pray for me please.

                Matthew 5:28


                28But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.


                Exodus 21:20-21

                20And if a man smite his servant, or his maid, with a rod, and he die under his hand; he shall be surely punished. 21Notwithstanding, if he continue a day or two, he shall not be punished: for he is his money.

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                • #23
                  Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

                  Brother Sword, get a hold of yourself! Er, I mean, get yourself under control!

                  Sorry I waved temptation under your nose like that, but let's look at the bright side: You proved to yourself that you were able to do the right thing!
                  WARNING:
                  In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                  REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

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                  • #24
                    Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

                    What is these "Handzoff" cream and gum ?
                    How it works, how can it help against M-ing?

                    I tried to search info about it on google, but nothing found.
                    Romans 13:1 Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God.
                    13:2 Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation.

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                    • #25
                      Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

                      Originally posted by Paul the Foreigner View Post
                      What is these "Handzoff" cream and gum ?
                      How it works, how can it help against M-ing?

                      I tried to search info about it on google, but nothing found.
                      I suspect that's because Google is run by Northern California limousine liberals who routinely block search results that might be helpful to our Godly cause.

                      HandzOff is really a wonderful product: When applied to one's genitals, it has an immediate anesthetic effect, causing the area to become as numb as if you'd injected it with Novocaine. However, if you then rub that area with any amount of vigor, the HandzOff cream rapidly breaks down, releasing a powerful capsaicin-based compound that will make your p**** feel like it got to Hell ahead of you, and is already burning.
                      WARNING:
                      In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                      REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

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                      • #26
                        Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

                        Originally posted by Faith_Machine View Post
                        I suspect that's because Google is run by Northern California limousine liberals who routinely block search results that might be helpful to our Godly cause.

                        HandzOff is really a wonderful product: When applied to one's genitals, it has an immediate anesthetic effect, causing the area to become as numb as if you'd injected it with Novocaine. However, if you then rub that area with any amount of vigor, the HandzOff cream rapidly breaks down, releasing a powerful capsaicin-based compound that will make your p**** feel like it got to Hell ahead of you, and is already burning.
                        After my morning shower, during which I wash my nether regions with a modified back scratcher to avoid any lustful desires from entering my thoughts, I apply HandzOff brand genital anesthetic liberally to my genitals. The instructions say:
                        Squeeze a quarter size amount of Handzoff brand genital anesthetic into your palm and apply to genitals. CAUTION: Wear gloves to avoid hands from numbing.
                        I didn't wear gloves on my first application and the result was pillow biters trying to sway me from the Lord all day.

                        Exodus 21:20-21

                        20And if a man smite his servant, or his maid, with a rod, and he die under his hand; he shall be surely punished. 21Notwithstanding, if he continue a day or two, he shall not be punished: for he is his money.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

                          Whoa, thank you for that testimonial, Sword! Sounds like you really dodged a bullet there. Or several bullets.
                          WARNING:
                          In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                          REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

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                          • #28
                            Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

                            Originally posted by Paul the Foreigner View Post
                            What is these "Handzoff" cream and gum ?
                            How it works, how can it help against M-ing?

                            I tried to search info about it on google, but nothing found.
                            Brother,

                            for immediate relief I suggest using products you may already have in your home, such as Icy Hot or rubbing some Cayenne pepper on your hand before touching your tallywhacker.

                            I am also aware that some of the Brothers use Dong Tongs so as not to have actual contact with their nether regions.



                            Helpful,

                            Sister Thumper
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                            • #29
                              Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

                              I checked out the verses against masturbation and I know of one more. It's 1 John 3:9 Whoever has been born of God does not sin, for His seed remains in him and he cannot sin because he has been born of God.

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                              • #30
                                Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

                                I'm actually not sure what to make of it exactly, I just know it's against masturbation and my current pastor doesn't seem to want to confirm that for me. It's troubling really. I'm sure God gave me that verse, but all the commentaries I've looked up don't seem to say the obvious. That it's talking about masturbation. The greek word for seed there is sperma, so yeah, I'm sure it's talking about that.

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