Hello, everyone! I'm here to get healed! And saved!

[Red Spinifex]

All good Landover folk across the board! Greetings from Australia! I have been told that if I want to get healed and saved, I should sign on to the Landover Baptist Church as nobody does it better! After reading but a few posts on this forum, I am thoroughly convinced I am in the right place!
I often console myself by recollecting that most uplifting and hopeful quote from Isaiah 66:16 of the K.J.V.:

For by fire and by his sword will the Lord plead with all flesh: and the slain of the Lord shall be many.

Well, exactly! I'm feeling better already!

[Mister Brasil]

Re: Hello, everyone! I'm here to get healed! And saved!

Hi Red! I've never been to Australia! My sister went once but she doesn't want to talk about it I bet you're pretty happy we're taking all those refugees. That was such a bad deal. That was a Tom Sawyer deal and you should be ashamed. Are we still taking those refugees?

It's pretty cool that you made an introduction post. Most people don't. That's an awesome verse, too, I'll have to read Isaiah again.

[Thomas Taylor]

Re: Hello, everyone! I'm here to get healed! And saved!

G'day Red,


That was a bewdy of an intro mate. When last did you have a Barbie and a couple of tinnies? Tell us about the abo's and how they chuck boomerangs and play diggeredoos before gong on dream walks. Are their dream walks all fueled by cheap metho from Center Link? Is it true that the Townesville council put up floodlights at the local tip so the Abo's could go late night shipping?


Please tell us more about your walk with Christ and how He guided you to the bosom of Landover.


YIC
TT
P.S. Do you have a Centre Link Card?

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Hello, everyone! I'm here to get healed! And saved!

hello .. yes, here we are able to help in your walk with Jesus.

Colossians 4 . KJV . look up
6 Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.

There are so many heathens in Australia, conversation becomes like colliding salt water with fresh and little headway can be made. I hope that our dialogue will enable a more fruitful mixture so that deliverance becomes possible. I know that sometimes you must think God has abandoned the island altogether, especially when the catholics start in with holy water and stupid clothes. Here are some catholics trying to control a bull. As you will notice their technique is very poor. I was thinking of a different word but have forgotten what it was now..

[Red Spinifex]

Re: Hello, everyone! I'm here to get healed! And saved!

G'day Red,


That was a bewdy of an intro mate. When last did you have a Barbie and a couple of tinnies? Tell us about the abo's and how they chuck boomerangs and play diggeredoos before gong on dream walks. Are their dream walks all fueled by cheap metho from Center Link? Is it true that the Townesville council put up floodlights at the local tip so the Abo's could go late night shipping?


Please tell us more about your walk with Christ and how He guided you to the bosom of Landover.


YIC
TT
P.S. Do you have a Centre Link Card?

Well, Thomas, what can I say? You know more about the place than I do! Though that wouldn't be hard.


And I am most assuredly not on state-funded benefits.


I am forever mindful of Genesis 3:19 of the K.J.V.:


In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, until thou return to the ground: for out of it wast thou taken. For dust thou art; and unto dust shalt thou return.


And be advised that Centrelink is one word and so spelt.

[Red Spinifex]

Re: Hello, everyone! I'm here to get healed! And saved!

hello .. yes, here we are able to help in your walk with Jesus.

Colossians 4 . KJV . look up
6 Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.

There are so many heathens in Australia, conversation becomes like colliding salt water with fresh and little headway can be made. I hope that our dialogue will enable a more fruitful mixture so that deliverance becomes possible. I know that sometimes you must think God has abandoned the island altogether, especially when the catholics start in with holy water and stupid clothes. Here are some catholics trying to control a bull. As you will notice their technique is very poor. I was thinking of a different word but have forgotten what it was now..

Well said, Madam!


This island and its stubbornly decadent people are damned! Damned for all their worth, or lack of it, at the rate is going!


Heathens do indeed proliferate in this so-called "liberal" and "tolerant" society. I would strongly urge you not to visit our shores as you will be inevitably shocked and dismayed at the level of Godlessness that exists here.


And the Catholics! What can I say? Catholics and Catholicism have always been a persistent problem here ever since the British authorities dumped Irish convicts and Irish rebels here from the late 18th century onwards. But I do my best to combat the adherents of the Whore of Babylon! Your illustrative photograph of Catholic of incompetence is well taken.


I hope and dream, Madam, that one day I shall become a True Christian, like yourself, and be healed and saved if I diligently practise the tenets and principles of the Landover Baptist Church. I shall do my level best! Be assured, Madam!

[Southern Pride]

Re: Hello, everyone! I'm here to get healed! And saved!

All good Landover folk across the board! Greetings from Australia! I have been told that if I want to get healed and saved, I should sign on to the Landover Baptist Church as nobody does it better! After reading but a few posts on this forum, I am thoroughly convinced I am in the right place!
I often console myself by recollecting that most uplifting and hopeful quote from Isaiah 66:16 of the K.J.V.:

For by fire and by his sword will the Lord plead with all flesh: and the slain of the Lord shall be many.

Well, exactly! I'm feeling better already!

“I saw another angel fly in the midst of heaven, having the
everlasting gospel to preach unto them that dwell on the earth, and to
every nation, and kindred, and tongue, and people, saying with a loud
voice, ‘Fear God, and give glory to him; for the hour of his judgment is
come: and worship him that made heaven, and earth, and the sea, and the
fountains of waters.'” (Revelation 14:6,7 KJV)
The first angel’s message is a prophecy
that states that the gospel will be preached to every nation on earth
Second angel
“There followed another angel, saying, ‘Babylon is fallen, is fallen,
that great city, because she made all nations drink of the wine of the
wrath of her fornication.'” (Revelation 14:8 KJV)
The second angel’s message is a call to repentance.
Broadly taken, it is a call to everyone everywhere to leave their sins
(“Babylon”) behind them and give them up.
Third angel
“The third angel followed them, saying with a loud voice, ‘If any man
worship the beast and his image, and receive his mark in his forehead,
or in his hand, the same shall drink of the wrath of God, which is
poured out without mixture into the cup of his indignation; and he shall
be tormented with fire and brimstone in the presence of the holy
angels, and in the presence of the Lamb: and the smoke of their torment
will ascend for ever and ever: and they have no rest day nor night, who
worship the beast and his image, and whosoever receives the mark of his
name. Here is the patience of the saints: here are they that keep the
commandments of God, and the faith of Jesus.'” (Revelation 14:9-12 KJV)
The third angel’s message is a warning to the people of the earth, not
to worship the beast or his image. (The “beast” and his “image” were
introduced in chapter 13 of Revelation.) Those previous verses are the source of the famous mark of the beast.

[Red Spinifex]

Re: Hello, everyone! I'm here to get healed! And saved!

G'day Red,...


Please tell us more about your walk with Christ and how He guided you to the bosom of Landover.


YIC
TT
P.S. Do you have a Centre Link Card?

A fair request, Sir, and one I shall endeavour to answer as candidly and straightforwardly as I can.

I was Googling True Christianity and Utter Hypocrisy and L.B.C.'s name came up pronto. This, I instantly saw, warranted further inquiry! And so I followed the link and made my way over to www.landoverbaptist.net to make a personal, first-hand investigation of the matter.

It was then that I saw this Forum in all its Christian Glory! And I knew, by Divine Grace, that this was the place for me! I have been a sinner. I have sinned. But at my stage of life I have at last seen the Light!

And so it is that before I hopefully go to Glory, I may learn the Way of the trade-marked True Christian and Repent of my sins!

Driven here, I was, for, I believe, the Lord wants me with him after I snuff it, to use some older Australian/British slang.

Just two questions, Sir:

Am I required to Americanise my spelling, punctuation, and finer points of grammar on the Landover Baptist Church's Forum? I will if it is a stipulation of the Forum.

And am I allowed to use Australian slang terms in my posts on the L.B.C.'s forum? I shall refrain from doing so if it is considered sinful.

[Elmer G. White]

Re: Hello, everyone! I'm here to get healed! And saved!

A fair request, Sir, and one I shall endeavour to answer as candidly and straightforwardly as I can.

I was Googling True Christianity and Utter Hypocrisy and L.B.C.'s name came up pronto. This, I instantly saw, warranted further inquiry! And so I followed the link and made my way over to www.landoverbaptist.net to make a personal, first-hand investigation of the matter.

It was then that I saw this Forum in all its Christian Glory! And I knew, by Divine Grace, that this was the place for me! I have been a sinner. I have sinned. But at my stage of life I have at last seen the Light!

And so it is that before I hopefully go to Glory, I may learn the Way of the trade-marked True Christian and Repent of my sins!

Driven here, I was, for, I believe, the Lord wants me with him after I snuff it, to use some older Australian/British slang.

Just two questions, Sir:

Am I required to Americanise my spelling, punctuation, and finer points of grammar on the Landover Baptist Church's Forum? I will if it is a stipulation of the Forum.

And am I allowed to use Australian slang terms in my posts on the L.B.C.'s forum? I shall refrain from doing so if it is considered sinful.

Dear Austrian Friend,

We understand very well if it is at first hard or impossible to use Jesus's Favorite Orthography while a sinner is still struggling with the inner demons. We do have many ex-Brits and ex-Austrians who have mastered the American language and we are sure that this will not be a problem for you in the long run. In fact, sometimes it is good to have a person available who can understand the "mates", "Sheilas", and "boiled Billies" and communicate with newcomers who are members of the Lake Eyre Yacht Club.

2 Corinthians 11:26
In journeyings often, in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils by mine own countrymen, in perils by the heathen, in perils in the city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren;

Have you already been begetting successfully in the midst of the Spinifex grassland? How do you share the Good Message among the Heathens of the Austrian desert and the Uluru idol?


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Red Spinifex]

Re: Hello, everyone! I'm here to get healed! And saved!

“I saw another angel fly in the midst of heaven, having the
everlasting gospel to preach unto them that dwell on the earth, and to
every nation, and kindred, and tongue, and people, saying with a loud
voice, ‘Fear God, and give glory to him; for the hour of his judgment is
come: and worship him that made heaven, and earth, and the sea, and the
fountains of waters.'” (Revelation 14:6,7 KJV)
The first angel’s message is a prophecy
that states that the gospel will be preached to every nation on earth
Second angel
“There followed another angel, saying, ‘Babylon is fallen, is fallen,
that great city, because she made all nations drink of the wine of the
wrath of her fornication.'” (Revelation 14:8 KJV)
The second angel’s message is a call to repentance.
Broadly taken, it is a call to everyone everywhere to leave their sins
(“Babylon”) behind them and give them up.
Third angel
“The third angel followed them, saying with a loud voice, ‘If any man
worship the beast and his image, and receive his mark in his forehead,
or in his hand, the same shall drink of the wrath of God, which is
poured out without mixture into the cup of his indignation; and he shall
be tormented with fire and brimstone in the presence of the holy
angels, and in the presence of the Lamb: and the smoke of their torment
will ascend for ever and ever: and they have no rest day nor night, who
worship the beast and his image, and whosoever receives the mark of his
name. Here is the patience of the saints: here are they that keep the
commandments of God, and the faith of Jesus.'” (Revelation 14:9-12 KJV)
The third angel’s message is a warning to the people of the earth, not
to worship the beast or his image. (The “beast” and his “image” were
introduced in chapter 13 of Revelation.) Those previous verses are the source of the famous mark of the beast.

Most uplifting quotations, brother! I shall bear these in mind and do my best to practise them in my daily life! I notice that you are quoting some of the grittier parts of Revelation! Well done, Sir! One can never get enough of Revelation!

[Red Spinifex]

Re: Hello, everyone! I'm here to get healed! And saved!

Dear Austrian Friend,

We understand very well if it is at first hard or impossible to use Jesus's Favorite Orthography while a sinner is still struggling with the inner demons. We do have many ex-Brits and ex-Austrians who have mastered the American language and we are sure that this will not be a problem for you in the long run. In fact, sometimes it is good to have a person available who can understand the "mates", "Sheilas", and "boiled Billies" and communicate with newcomers who are members of the Lake Eyre Yacht Club.

2 Corinthians 11:26
In journeyings often, in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils by mine own countrymen, in perils by the heathen, in perils in the city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren;

Have you already been begetting successfully in the midst of the Spinifex grassland? How do you share the Good Message among the Heathens of the Austrian desert and the Uluru idol?


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

Most instructive and informative, Sir. I shall from here on endeavor to write in Jesus's Favorite Orthography. It is a well-known fact that Americans are the Jesus's-Most-Favored brethren and First Among the Saved and the American Language is doubtless Jesus's Most-Favored Language for that reason. And so it is that I shall comply, conform, and harmonize with the norms, usages, and standards of the American Language.

Austrians, NZers, Canucks, Brits are a long Second Among the Saved, doubtless because of their stubbornly unChristian refusal to adopt and use Jesus's Favorite Orthography. Take heed all English-speaking-&-writing nationalities who refuse to adopt and use Noah Webster's reformed spelling forms, punctuation, etc. of the 19th century! The older spelling, punctuation, etc. of the British Isles, while tolerated to a degree by the Almighty, are NOT consistent with Jesus's Favorite Orthography. Doubtless Noah Webster was inspired by Divine Grace when reforming & transforming the spelling, punctuation, etc. of the American dialect of the English language into the truly Christlike American Language that it is now.

As to your other questions, Sir, I shall to have to ask for your forbearance. I am running out of time and your deep-penetrating & far-ranging questions must have justice done to them by my giving full and detailed answers to them. So, please Mr. E. G. White, watch this space.

Red Spinifex, Monday, June 19, 2015, Sydney, N.S.W., Austria

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Hello, everyone! I'm here to get healed! And saved!

Those previous verses are the source of the famous mark of the beast.

What has that to do with Red Spinifex's introduction?

I can't seem to find yours by the way.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Hello, everyone! I'm here to get healed! And saved!

I was Googling True Christianity and Utter Hypocrisy and L.B.C.'s name came up pronto.

The severity of the sin of hypocrisy is hard to overstate* and combating it is one of Landover Baptist Church's main aims along with opposition to all things ungodly.

We are in those "Latter Times" of which Timothy spoke - we feel the presence of Jesus, even in our most private moments, most strongly.

I am please you feel as we do that "every word of God is sacred and must be obeyed."

Take a verse, for example, as simple to understand as "
Mat:19:21 Jesus said unto him, If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come and follow me.

Many a Christian-In-Name-Only will try to find loopholes, but I know from your words that you would never stoop to such hypocrisy, and thus, for your convenience, we have used your credit card (ending 0667) to set up a tithing scheme that may seem excessive at first but will soon render you fit to enter Heaven.




* 1Timothy 4:1 Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils;
1st Timothy 4:2 Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron;

[Red Spinifex]

Re: Hello, everyone! I'm here to get healed! And saved!

What has that to do with Red Spinifex's introduction?

I can't seem to find yours by the way.

You are quite right, Madam! An excellent point.


But as I noted previously quoting this poster's post, his remarks only consist of quotations from the Book of Revelation and one can never get enough of Revelation.


Revelation is truly revealing of the Christian mentality and mindset. I like it!

[Red Spinifex]

Re: Hello, everyone! I'm here to get healed! And saved!

The severity of the sin of hypocrisy is hard to overstate* and combating it is one of Landover Baptist Church's main aims along with opposition to all things ungodly.

We are in those "Latter Times" of which Timothy spoke - we feel the presence of Jesus, even in our most private moments, most strongly.

I am please you feel as we do that "every word of God is sacred and must be obeyed."

Take a verse, for example, as simple to understand as "
Mat:19:21 Jesus said unto him, If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come and follow me.

Many a Christian-In-Name-Only will try to find loopholes, but I know from your words that you would never stoop to such hypocrisy, and thus, for your convenience, we have used your credit card (ending 0667) to set up a tithing scheme that may seem excessive at first but will soon render you fit to enter Heaven.




* 1Timothy 4:1 Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils;
1st Timothy 4:2 Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron;

Quite so, Pastor Bathfire! And it was thoroughly decent of you to set-up a tithing scheme for me using my credit card no. ending 0667. And it is most interesting that you did so without my having the slightest knowledge or giving my consent. Well done, Pastor!


Now that I am a forum member of the L.B.C. I realize I must contribute if I am to be a truly accepted member on my way to becoming a trade-marked True Christian™.

Exodus 30:15

The rich shall not give more, and the poor shall not give less than half a shekel, when they give an offering unto the LORD, to make an atonement for your souls.

Money as atonement for my soul! What price can one put on Salvation? What price Redemption? These are priceless and one must not consider the cost, no matter how financially crippling it may be.

But, of course, that is the sort of people we Austrians are--givers.