2014 Witch Hunt!

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Guess what TIME it is!

Yes, Folks it's that time of year again!

I'm sure you all remember the rules, but I'll list them again for the new folks.

1. To prove a kill you must submit genitals, teeth, ears or fingers or toes to the Pastors if you cannot bring in the entire body.

2. Severely maiming will get you points, but it's not as good as a kill.

You will need a permit, they are now available in the Church Lobby. The cost is $29.99. If you are not able to afford the cost of a Witch Hunting Permit, please fill out a "Hardship" Form available from a Pastor and a permit will be provided for you free of charge.

Winners will receive the coveted 2014 Witch Hunt Award, dinner for 4 at the Olive Garden, a gun of his/her choice from Bob4God's Gun World and a leather bound, over-sized KJV1611 Bible.

Now get out there and get us some witches!

Be GODLY, be good and most importantly HAVE FUN!

Post your results here!!!

[Jim Farmer]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

Woohoo!!! I'm in!

[Elmer G. White]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

Oh, happy day! Ambushed one with my eldest Mark.

Weapon of choice


And, in addition to the material weaponry, a mighty verse to startle the pray!

Nahum 3:4
Because of the multitude of the whoredoms of the wellfavoured harlot, the mistress of witchcrafts, that selleth nations through her whoredoms, and families through her witchcrafts.


The witch did try to escape by transmogrifying into a devilish animal but, as you can see, success!


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

[Jim Farmer]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

I'm planning on attending this witch's coven meeting. They have indicated that they will have at least 35 witches attending. That should be a good bag. I'll have to sneak in disguised as a witch, but will have my weapons hidden under my robes. When I'm in the midst of them, I can unleash my wrath on these abominations.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

Bob4God sold me a nice new L115A3 Long Range Rifle with a Schmidt & Bender 5-25x56 PM II LP telescopic sight. I engraved it with Exodus 22:18. I no longer need to leave my house to kill anything in a 8000 feet radius. I already killed 9 witches 4 dogs and an annoying UPS negro with it. It's a mystery how this black guy even got into Landover.

Exodus 22:18 "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live."

[Witch Hammer]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

I'm planning on attending this witch's coven meeting. They have indicated that they will have at least 35 witches attending. That should be a good bag. I'll have to sneak in disguised as a witch, but will have my weapons hidden under my robes. When I'm in the midst of them, I can unleash my wrath on these abominations.

If you can't find a reliable source for frag grenades in your country, brother Jim, I can message you some instructions for constructing an improvised nail-bomb with easily obtainable components.

If you can bag all 35 witches before any of them fly off, I bet you'll take grand prize!

I have to confess, I've been poaching witches out of season all year long, so my gunny sack full of teeth, genitals and fingers will win me nothing but favor in God's eyes, which is enough.

[Jim Farmer]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

Please PM me with the details. Gun laws are very strict here, so I thought that I'd have to go armed with swords only. That could get quite dangerous with 35 of them. A frag grenade with a timer would be perfect (I wouldn't want to get blown up with all those witches!).

[BrotherLarry]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

I am asking for prayers! The LORD is telling me that envy is a sin, but I can't help to feel a bit of covetousness over the fact that I do not qualify for the witch hunt. This saddens me, but gives me even more reason to strive for perfection in my Christian walk.

God will perfect His work in me, so that one day I can humbly present the pastor with the lifeless body parts of servants of the devil at this unholy time of the year.

Oh, my Jesus! Make it so! Amen, Amen, and Amen!

PS: Would it be gay to ask a brother to kill a witch for me and think of me as you do it?

[Jim Farmer]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

I am asking for prayers! The LORD is telling me that envy is a sin, but I can't help to feel a bit of covetousness over the fact that I do not qualify for the witch hunt. This saddens me, but gives me even more reason to strive for perfection in my Christian walk.

God will perfect His work in me, so that one day I can humbly present the pastor with the lifeless body parts of servants of the devil at this unholy time of the year.

Oh, my Jesus! Make it so! Amen, Amen, and Amen!

PS: Would it be gay to ask a brother to kill a witch for me and think of me as you do it?

Brother Larry, As I'm going for a bag of 35, I would be more than happy to smite at least 5 of them in your name.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

I hate to ask, but aren't we exposing ourselves to the possibility of being arrested or prosecuted if we kill people?

I've never killed anybody before. I don't think I'm cut out for this sort of thing.

[Jim Farmer]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

Are witches people? Or are they just Satan masquerading as people? Brother Elmer's post proves that they can morph from animals to people and back to animals. I think that's proof enough that they're not people.

[Mister Jones]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

That timing is just divine! I'm certain my ex-wife is one of them.

[Basilissa]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

That timing is just divine! I'm certain my ex-wife is one of them.

Gee, I do hope that you are right, because otherwise you would be lying about her, and God does not approve of that (Proverbs 19:5).

What interests me most, however, is the "ex-" part - is she a fornicator (Matthew 5:32)? If so, I really feel for you - you cannot marry another woman until your ex-wife dies (Luke 16:18).

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: 2014 Witch Hunt!

I hate to ask, but aren't we exposing ourselves to the possibility of being arrested or prosecuted if we kill people?

I've never killed anybody before. I don't think I'm cut out for this sort of thing.

The laws in and around Freehold are much more....Biblical than most places.

By the way you should all know that I have come in first in the witch hunt for the last 10 years in a row, and I expect to win again this year. Last season there was scuttlebutt going around that some of the witch teats I had submitted as proof were covered in mold, implying that I had been stockpiling them all year, but the judges accepted my story that the witches I bagged were already covered in mold and running sores, so my numbers held up.

See you at the Freehold Olive Garden.