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Ezekiel 16-18
Ezekiel 16 (NC 17)
Children under 17 are not allowed to read this thread.
If you are under 17, you should take this time to join the Kristian Kids Klub.
God speaks to Zeke.
2 Son of man, cause Jerusalem to know her abominations,
God then describes how he discovered Jerusalem as a baby that was dumped in the woods.
4 And as for thy nativity, in the day thou wast born thy navel was not cut, neither wast thou washed in water to supple thee; thou wast not salted at all, nor swaddled at all.
Babies were rubbed with a fine salt. Then rinsed in water, it would make basically a saline solution.
6 And when I passed by thee, and saw thee polluted in thine own blood, I said unto thee when thou wast in thy blood, Live; yea, I said unto thee when thou wast in thy blood, Live.
So, Jerusalem was a dumpster baby.
7 I have caused thee to multiply as the bud of the field, and thou hast increased and waxen great, and thou art come to excellent ornaments: thy breasts are fashioned, and thine hair is grown, whereas thou wast naked and bare.
8 Now when I passed by thee, and looked upon thee, behold, thy time was the time of love; and I spread my skirt over thee, and covered thy nakedness: yea, I sware unto thee, and entered into a covenant with thee, saith the Lord GOD, and thou becamest mine.
God allows DB to grow up and become hot. Which is kind of disgusting to pick a newborn child who was dumped in a dumpster and then raise it to be your wife, but it's God, so it's ok.
11 I decked thee also with ornaments, and I put bracelets upon thy hands, and a chain on thy neck.
12 And I put a jewel on thy forehead, and earrings in thine ears, and a beautiful crown upon thine head.
God was a sugar daddy to DB. Bought her all kinds of jewels and fancy clothes and took her to nice restaurants.
14 And thy renown went forth among the heathen for thy beauty: for it was perfect through my comeliness, which I had put upon thee, saith the Lord GOD.
DB was hot. Everyone knew she was hot.
15 But thou didst trust in thine own beauty, and playedst the harlot because of thy renown, and pouredst out thy fornications on every one that passed by; his it was.
Then, like most pretty girls, she turned into a whore.
16 And of thy garments thou didst take, and deckedst thy high places with divers colours, and playedst the harlot thereupon: the like things shall not come, neither shall it be so.
She had sex on her fancy clothes.
17 Thou hast also taken thy fair jewels of my gold and of my silver, which I had given thee, and madest to thyself images of men, and didst commit whoredom with them,
She took the jewelry and melted it down into dildos and then had sex with gold and silver dildos.
19 My meat also which I gave thee, fine flour, and oil, and honey, wherewith I fed thee, thou hast even set it before them for a sweet savour: and thus it was, saith the Lord GOD.
Even worse than being an actual whore and getting paid for sex, she's a slut. She gives those fancy things to the guys she likes to sleep with.
20 Moreover thou hast taken thy sons and thy daughters, whom thou hast borne unto me, and these hast thou sacrificed unto them to be devoured. Is this of thy whoredoms a small matter,
Apparently, the absent husband was still able to impregnate her. But then she took those kids and sacrificed them to other gods.
25 Thou hast built thy high place at every head of the way, and hast made thy beauty to be abhorred, and hast opened thy feet to every one that passed by, and multiplied thy whoredoms.
She's being diddled by everyone!
26 Thou hast also committed fornication with the Egyptians thy neighbours, great of flesh; and hast increased thy whoredoms, to provoke me to anger.
Egyptians apparently have large penises.
28 Thou hast played the whore also with the Assyrians, because thou wast unsatiable; yea, thou hast played the harlot with them, and yet couldest not be satisfied.
Jerusalem sounds like Jenna Jameson.
32 But as a wife that committeth adultery, which taketh strangers instead of her husband!
If the husband is there, a wife doesn't have time to cheat on him.
34 And the contrary is in thee from other women in thy whoredoms, whereas none followeth thee to commit whoredoms: and in that thou givest a reward, and no reward is given unto thee, therefore thou art contrary.
Again, most whores get paid, not Jenna Jerusalem.
39 And I will also give thee into their hand, and they shall throw down thine eminent place, and shall break down thy high places: they shall strip thee also of thy clothes, and shall take thy fair jewels, and leave thee naked and bare.
Now, apparently, the former lovers will taunt her.
40 They shall also bring up a company against thee, and they shall stone thee with stones, and thrust thee through with their swords.
But, after the adulteress wife is stoned and stabbed, God will take her back, because he loves her.
42 So will I make my fury toward thee to rest, and my jealousy shall depart from thee, and I will be quiet, and will be no more angry.
Can one take back a dead wife?
God then mentions some other places that were somewhat bad: Samaria and Sodom. They weren't as bad as DB.
51 Neither hath Samaria committed half of thy sins; but thou hast multiplied thine abominations more than they, and hast justified thy sisters in all thine abominations which thou hast done.
Remember, Samaria was the capital of the Northern Kingdom.
62 And I will establish my covenant with thee; and thou shalt know that I am the LORD:
Nice of God to take back his cheating wife, after she's been stoned and sliced.
Ezekiel 17
2 Son of man, put forth a riddle, and speak a parable unto the house of Israel;
There are actually 2 riddles.
3 And say, Thus saith the Lord GOD; A great eagle with great wings, longwinged, full of feathers, which had divers colours, came unto Lebanon, and took the highest branch of the cedar:
4 He cropped off the top of his young twigs, and carried it into a land of traffick; he set it in a city of merchants.
5 He took also of the seed of the land, and planted it in a fruitful field; he placed it by great waters, and set it as a willow tree.
6 And it grew, and became a spreading vine of low stature, whose branches turned toward him, and the roots thereof were under him: so it became a vine, and brought forth branches, and shot forth sprigs.
Riddle 1, the eagle takes a twig and puts it in a city. He takes a seed and places it by water. It grows into a vine.
7 There was also another great eagle with great wings and many feathers: and, behold, this vine did bend her roots toward him, and shot forth her branches toward him, that he might water it by the furrows of her plantation.
8 It was planted in a good soil by great waters, that it might bring forth branches, and that it might bear fruit, that it might be a goodly vine.
9 Say thou, Thus saith the Lord GOD; Shall it prosper? shall he not pull up the roots thereof, and cut off the fruit thereof, that it wither? it shall wither in all the leaves of her spring, even without great power or many people to pluck it up by the roots thereof.
10 Yea, behold, being planted, shall it prosper? shall it not utterly wither, when the east wind toucheth it? it shall wither in the furrows where it grew.
The second bird planted it's seed in good soil, but apparently, there's an east wind.
God then has to explain what the parable means. Which isn't really a good parable when you have to explain it.
The first bird story is about Babylon taking the king and people away.
The second story is about going to Egypt for help.
God then says that he's going to plant a tree on a high mountain. (Jerusalem).
Ezekiel 18
4 Behold, all souls are mine; as the soul of the father, so also the soul of the son is mine: the soul that sinneth, it shall die.
If you sin, you die.
How does one become JUST?
5 But if a man be just, and do that which is lawful and right,
6 And hath not eaten upon the mountains, neither hath lifted up his eyes to the idols of the house of Israel, neither hath defiled his neighbour's wife, neither hath come near to a menstruous woman,
7 And hath not oppressed any, but hath restored to the debtor his pledge, hath spoiled none by violence, hath given his bread to the hungry, and hath covered the naked with a garment;
8 He that hath not given forth upon usury, neither hath taken any increase, that hath withdrawn his hand from iniquity, hath executed true judgment between man and man,
9 Hath walked in my statutes, and hath kept my judgments, to deal truly; he is just, he shall surely live, saith the Lord GOD.
How to be JUST.
DO: that which is lawful and right; restore pledges;feed the hungry; cover the naked; walk in statutes and judgment; execute true judgment.
DON'T: eat on the mountains; look at idols; have sex with your neighbor's wife; go near a woman on her period; oppress anyone; beat anyone up.
19 Yet say ye, Why? doth not the son bear the iniquity of the father? When the son hath done that which is lawful and right, and hath kept all my statutes, and hath done them, he shall surely live.
God is saying that children shouldn't be punished for parent's sins, and parents shouldn't be punished for their children's sins.
20 The soul that sinneth, it shall die. The son shall not bear the iniquity of the father, neither shall the father bear the iniquity of the son: the righteousness of the righteous shall be upon him, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon him.
In theory, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree... but then an eagle could eat the apple and poop the seeds out in a better place. But a tree that creates crappy apples, will have seedlings that create crappy apples. But still, you should judge the seedling for itself.
21 But if the wicked will turn from all his sins that he hath committed, and keep all my statutes, and do that which is lawful and right, he shall surely live, he shall not die.
Do good, and live, do bad, and die.
32 For I have no pleasure in the death of him that dieth, saith the Lord GOD: wherefore turn yourselves, and live ye.
God wants you to live.
So what have we learned today?
1. DB was a whore, and didn't get to be a child star.
2. God's riddles are hard to understand.
3. The good will be rewarded, the bad will be punished; you can choose.
YIC
V
Ezekiel 16 (NC 17)
Children under 17 are not allowed to read this thread.
If you are under 17, you should take this time to join the Kristian Kids Klub.
God speaks to Zeke.
2 Son of man, cause Jerusalem to know her abominations,
God then describes how he discovered Jerusalem as a baby that was dumped in the woods.
4 And as for thy nativity, in the day thou wast born thy navel was not cut, neither wast thou washed in water to supple thee; thou wast not salted at all, nor swaddled at all.
Babies were rubbed with a fine salt. Then rinsed in water, it would make basically a saline solution.
6 And when I passed by thee, and saw thee polluted in thine own blood, I said unto thee when thou wast in thy blood, Live; yea, I said unto thee when thou wast in thy blood, Live.
So, Jerusalem was a dumpster baby.
7 I have caused thee to multiply as the bud of the field, and thou hast increased and waxen great, and thou art come to excellent ornaments: thy breasts are fashioned, and thine hair is grown, whereas thou wast naked and bare.
8 Now when I passed by thee, and looked upon thee, behold, thy time was the time of love; and I spread my skirt over thee, and covered thy nakedness: yea, I sware unto thee, and entered into a covenant with thee, saith the Lord GOD, and thou becamest mine.
God allows DB to grow up and become hot. Which is kind of disgusting to pick a newborn child who was dumped in a dumpster and then raise it to be your wife, but it's God, so it's ok.
11 I decked thee also with ornaments, and I put bracelets upon thy hands, and a chain on thy neck.
12 And I put a jewel on thy forehead, and earrings in thine ears, and a beautiful crown upon thine head.
God was a sugar daddy to DB. Bought her all kinds of jewels and fancy clothes and took her to nice restaurants.
14 And thy renown went forth among the heathen for thy beauty: for it was perfect through my comeliness, which I had put upon thee, saith the Lord GOD.
DB was hot. Everyone knew she was hot.
15 But thou didst trust in thine own beauty, and playedst the harlot because of thy renown, and pouredst out thy fornications on every one that passed by; his it was.
Then, like most pretty girls, she turned into a whore.
16 And of thy garments thou didst take, and deckedst thy high places with divers colours, and playedst the harlot thereupon: the like things shall not come, neither shall it be so.
She had sex on her fancy clothes.
17 Thou hast also taken thy fair jewels of my gold and of my silver, which I had given thee, and madest to thyself images of men, and didst commit whoredom with them,
She took the jewelry and melted it down into dildos and then had sex with gold and silver dildos.
19 My meat also which I gave thee, fine flour, and oil, and honey, wherewith I fed thee, thou hast even set it before them for a sweet savour: and thus it was, saith the Lord GOD.
Even worse than being an actual whore and getting paid for sex, she's a slut. She gives those fancy things to the guys she likes to sleep with.
20 Moreover thou hast taken thy sons and thy daughters, whom thou hast borne unto me, and these hast thou sacrificed unto them to be devoured. Is this of thy whoredoms a small matter,
Apparently, the absent husband was still able to impregnate her. But then she took those kids and sacrificed them to other gods.
25 Thou hast built thy high place at every head of the way, and hast made thy beauty to be abhorred, and hast opened thy feet to every one that passed by, and multiplied thy whoredoms.
She's being diddled by everyone!
26 Thou hast also committed fornication with the Egyptians thy neighbours, great of flesh; and hast increased thy whoredoms, to provoke me to anger.
Egyptians apparently have large penises.
28 Thou hast played the whore also with the Assyrians, because thou wast unsatiable; yea, thou hast played the harlot with them, and yet couldest not be satisfied.
Jerusalem sounds like Jenna Jameson.
32 But as a wife that committeth adultery, which taketh strangers instead of her husband!
If the husband is there, a wife doesn't have time to cheat on him.
34 And the contrary is in thee from other women in thy whoredoms, whereas none followeth thee to commit whoredoms: and in that thou givest a reward, and no reward is given unto thee, therefore thou art contrary.
Again, most whores get paid, not Jenna Jerusalem.
39 And I will also give thee into their hand, and they shall throw down thine eminent place, and shall break down thy high places: they shall strip thee also of thy clothes, and shall take thy fair jewels, and leave thee naked and bare.
Now, apparently, the former lovers will taunt her.
40 They shall also bring up a company against thee, and they shall stone thee with stones, and thrust thee through with their swords.
But, after the adulteress wife is stoned and stabbed, God will take her back, because he loves her.
42 So will I make my fury toward thee to rest, and my jealousy shall depart from thee, and I will be quiet, and will be no more angry.
Can one take back a dead wife?
God then mentions some other places that were somewhat bad: Samaria and Sodom. They weren't as bad as DB.
51 Neither hath Samaria committed half of thy sins; but thou hast multiplied thine abominations more than they, and hast justified thy sisters in all thine abominations which thou hast done.
Remember, Samaria was the capital of the Northern Kingdom.
62 And I will establish my covenant with thee; and thou shalt know that I am the LORD:
Nice of God to take back his cheating wife, after she's been stoned and sliced.
Ezekiel 17
2 Son of man, put forth a riddle, and speak a parable unto the house of Israel;
There are actually 2 riddles.
3 And say, Thus saith the Lord GOD; A great eagle with great wings, longwinged, full of feathers, which had divers colours, came unto Lebanon, and took the highest branch of the cedar:
4 He cropped off the top of his young twigs, and carried it into a land of traffick; he set it in a city of merchants.
5 He took also of the seed of the land, and planted it in a fruitful field; he placed it by great waters, and set it as a willow tree.
6 And it grew, and became a spreading vine of low stature, whose branches turned toward him, and the roots thereof were under him: so it became a vine, and brought forth branches, and shot forth sprigs.
Riddle 1, the eagle takes a twig and puts it in a city. He takes a seed and places it by water. It grows into a vine.
7 There was also another great eagle with great wings and many feathers: and, behold, this vine did bend her roots toward him, and shot forth her branches toward him, that he might water it by the furrows of her plantation.
8 It was planted in a good soil by great waters, that it might bring forth branches, and that it might bear fruit, that it might be a goodly vine.
9 Say thou, Thus saith the Lord GOD; Shall it prosper? shall he not pull up the roots thereof, and cut off the fruit thereof, that it wither? it shall wither in all the leaves of her spring, even without great power or many people to pluck it up by the roots thereof.
10 Yea, behold, being planted, shall it prosper? shall it not utterly wither, when the east wind toucheth it? it shall wither in the furrows where it grew.
The second bird planted it's seed in good soil, but apparently, there's an east wind.
God then has to explain what the parable means. Which isn't really a good parable when you have to explain it.
The first bird story is about Babylon taking the king and people away.
The second story is about going to Egypt for help.
God then says that he's going to plant a tree on a high mountain. (Jerusalem).
Ezekiel 18
4 Behold, all souls are mine; as the soul of the father, so also the soul of the son is mine: the soul that sinneth, it shall die.
If you sin, you die.
How does one become JUST?
5 But if a man be just, and do that which is lawful and right,
6 And hath not eaten upon the mountains, neither hath lifted up his eyes to the idols of the house of Israel, neither hath defiled his neighbour's wife, neither hath come near to a menstruous woman,
7 And hath not oppressed any, but hath restored to the debtor his pledge, hath spoiled none by violence, hath given his bread to the hungry, and hath covered the naked with a garment;
8 He that hath not given forth upon usury, neither hath taken any increase, that hath withdrawn his hand from iniquity, hath executed true judgment between man and man,
9 Hath walked in my statutes, and hath kept my judgments, to deal truly; he is just, he shall surely live, saith the Lord GOD.
How to be JUST.
DO: that which is lawful and right; restore pledges;feed the hungry; cover the naked; walk in statutes and judgment; execute true judgment.
DON'T: eat on the mountains; look at idols; have sex with your neighbor's wife; go near a woman on her period; oppress anyone; beat anyone up.
19 Yet say ye, Why? doth not the son bear the iniquity of the father? When the son hath done that which is lawful and right, and hath kept all my statutes, and hath done them, he shall surely live.
God is saying that children shouldn't be punished for parent's sins, and parents shouldn't be punished for their children's sins.
20 The soul that sinneth, it shall die. The son shall not bear the iniquity of the father, neither shall the father bear the iniquity of the son: the righteousness of the righteous shall be upon him, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon him.
In theory, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree... but then an eagle could eat the apple and poop the seeds out in a better place. But a tree that creates crappy apples, will have seedlings that create crappy apples. But still, you should judge the seedling for itself.
21 But if the wicked will turn from all his sins that he hath committed, and keep all my statutes, and do that which is lawful and right, he shall surely live, he shall not die.
Do good, and live, do bad, and die.
32 For I have no pleasure in the death of him that dieth, saith the Lord GOD: wherefore turn yourselves, and live ye.
God wants you to live.
So what have we learned today?
1. DB was a whore, and didn't get to be a child star.
2. God's riddles are hard to understand.
3. The good will be rewarded, the bad will be punished; you can choose.
YIC
V
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