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  • #1

    Pastoral Announcemnt: NO MORE CHINK COOKBOOKS ALLOWED IN FREEHOLD!

    It has come to my attention that certain ladies in my congregation have been dabbling in the slant cookery arts.

    This is tantamount to witchcraft and it will STOP RIGHT NOW!

    THIS book was found wrapped in plain brown paper on the North Portico of my estate.



    There is no end to the foul garbage that foreigners eat, but the slants are by far the worst. As I find more examples, I will be posting them here.

    And if I figure out who left that book on my estate, I'll be tanning someone's hide.
    Who Will Jesus Damn?

    Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

    Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

    Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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  • #2
    Re: Pastoral Announcemnt: NO MORE CHINK COOKBOOKS ALLOWED IN FREEHOLD!

    That is a dreadful story, Pastor.

    I read about another Chinaman who was making noodles with opium in them so as to addict his customers.

    Clearly, these wretches are a menace and dangerous to civilization and Christianity.

    I believe your plan to ban those cookbooks is a sound one and one that will be well supported in Freehold.
    God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: Pastoral Announcemnt: NO MORE CHINK COOKBOOKS ALLOWED IN FREEHOLD!

      That is shocking, Pastor. We have no chingchang cookbooks here! Quite apart from the Sin, what would be the point? Nobody in this household reads chink.

      I noticed the other day that they have also started selling their products pre-packaged in condoms.



      Disgusting.
      Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: Pastoral Announcemnt: NO MORE CHINK COOKBOOKS ALLOWED IN FREEHOLD!

        Does that say 'Tofu', Mrs Vasey? That's the stuff that hippy vegenatarian poofs eat, isn't it? No real men (or real women) would ever let that past their lips even when it doesn't come in a condom.
        sigpic

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        • #5
          Re: Pastoral Announcemnt: NO MORE CHINK COOKBOOKS ALLOWED IN FREEHOLD!

          Originally posted by Jim Farmer View Post
          Does that say 'Tofu', Mrs Vasey? That's the stuff that hippy vegenatarian poofs eat, isn't it? No real men (or real women) would ever let that past their lips even when it doesn't come in a condom.
          I think it does, Mr Farmer. I didn't read the label, I was too appalled by the packaging and the general appearance of the contents. I don't know what tofu is made of, but - how can I put this? - it did occur to me it looked like the sort of thing you might expect to find in a condom.
          Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: Pastoral Announcemnt: NO MORE CHINK COOKBOOKS ALLOWED IN FREEHOLD!

            WAIT! Are you saying White folk actually try to cook chink food? There is one of those restaurants on every block in the bigger cities in he USA. Another reason I thank God for Freehold.

            As for reading the instructions on the packages/ recipes. What if you think the recipe calls for Pekinese and you use Labrador? How big a problem is this?
            sigpic 1 Chronicles 16:15
            Be ye mindful always of his covenant; the word which he commanded to a thousand generations ... an everlasting covenant.
            Proverbs 30:5,6: Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.
            Add thou not unto his words, lest he reprove thee, and thou be found a liar.

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: Pastoral Announcemnt: NO MORE CHINK COOKBOOKS ALLOWED IN FREEHOLD!

              I don't get how anyone could even do Chink cooking in Freehold. There's no abortion clinics in the town, so where would anyone get the dumpling ingredients from?
              O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



              God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: Pastoral Announcemnt: NO MORE CHINK COOKBOOKS ALLOWED IN FREEHOLD!

                While the majority of my household staff is Asian, I can assure you that all of them are fitted with electronic containment devices which render exiting the grounds uncomfortable to the point of debilitation. As I've been finishing my last revival of the season I am currently wrapping up things in Texas, so only 6 serving staff are presently in-house at Freehold. Security informs me that there have been no breaches or exits, authorized or otherwise. For good measure though I will certainly see that they receive corrective discipline just for good measure as soon as I return.
                Psalm 137:9 Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: Pastoral Announcemnt: NO MORE CHINK COOKBOOKS ALLOWED IN FREEHOLD!

                  How disgusting! I cannot imagine why any decent Christian lady keep that in her household, unless her husband wants to keep it to throw into the Burn Satan's Books Bonfire.
                  "Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Proverbs 14:1

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Re: Pastoral Announcemnt: NO MORE CHINK COOKBOOKS ALLOWED IN FREEHOLD!

                    It doesn't surprise me the Chinks use Satan's fingergloves to store their dead cats and rats and whatever else they eat in.

                    Why a decent American would ever want to eat special fried rat or sweet and sour snake tallywacker is beyond me.
                    sigpic
                    Isaiah 34:6 The sword of the LORD is filled with blood, it is made fat with fatness, and with the blood of lambs and goats, with the fat of the kidneys of rams: for the LORD hath a sacrifice in Bozrah, and a great slaughter in the land of Idumea.

                    John 5:46,47 For had ye believed Moses, ye would have believed me: for he wrote of me. But if ye believe not his writings, how shall ye believe my words?

                    Join me in scoffing at backwards Muslims clinging to their beliefs in the face of the evidence!
                    The truth about volcanos
                    Sex and debauchery in public schools
                    Faith wins over science (explained for even the very stupid)
                    God Cures AIDS - GLORY!
                    Desert whale bones prove Great Flood once and for all.

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Re: Pastoral Announcemnt: NO MORE CHINK COOKBOOKS ALLOWED IN FREEHOLD!

                      Abomination! Look at what the slopes have done to America's favorite cookie!

                      Who Will Jesus Damn?

                      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                      Comment

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