Is God as Strong as a Unicorn?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Absolutely! In Numbers 23:22 the Bible says:

God brought them out of Egypt; he hath as it were the strength of an unicorn.

The unicorn is mention eight more times throughout the Bible in Numbers 24:8; Deuteronomy 33:17; Job 39:9, 10; Psalm 22:21; 29:6; 92:10; Isaiah 34:7. The atheist is more than happy to point out this "obvious flaw" to True Christians™, thinking they can undermine the integrity of the Holy Bible. Even the newer "translations" like the New Infidel Version (NIV) try to cater to the atheists by replacing "unicorn" with "wild ox". (This is further proof that the NIV is a false Bible and anyone who reads it is going to hell.) However, this re-translation can not possibly be accurate. Let's look at the facts:


*The strength of the unicorn is a major theme of the Bible record about unicorns (Numbers 23:22; 24:8; Job 39:11)

*The unicorn is wild and cannot be tamed (Job 39:9-12)

*The unicorn is a dangerous animal (Psalm 22:21)

*The name unicorn means one-horned, although this could possibly refer to one prominent horn.



This is obviously not talking about a wild ox! So, next time some atheist says that the Bible talks about unicorns, smack him with your Bible and yell "I don't think so! Amen!". There is no possible way that this word could translate to anything else, and anyone who believes that the Bible isn't talking about unicorns is going to burn in Hell (even if they don't believe that's real either).

[Brother Guy Bayard]

Re: Is God as Strong as a Unicorn?

Are there any unicorns left alive today? Or were they drowned in the flood?

[Pastor Billy-Reuben]

Re: Is God as Strong as a Unicorn?

This is obviously not talking about a wild ox!

Some other folks think the unicorn is a rhinoceros. They certainly have a rhinoceros's temperament, but look at this:

Psalm 29:6 He maketh them also to skip like a calf; Lebanon and Sirion like a young unicorn.

I've been to the zoo and I've seen young rhinoceri. They don't "skip like a calf". Unicorns are clearly equine animals.

Are there any unicorns left alive today? Or were they drowned in the flood?

They didn't drown in the flood because they were still around in David's time and in Isaiah's time. They might still be around today, but they are smart enough to avoid contact with humans. People thought the coelacanth's were gone, but they were all just living in a spot where people weren't fishing. Have you ever had coelacanth? It's delicious. The flavor is kind of like grouper, but the texture is like swordfish. The best way to eat them is to marinate the steaks for a couple of hours and throw them on the grill.

Pastor Billy-Reuben

[Brother Guy Bayard]

Re: Is God as Strong as a Unicorn?

Some other folks think the unicorn is a rhinoceros. They certainly have a rhinoceros's temperament, but look at this:

Psalm 29:6 He maketh them also to skip like a calf; Lebanon and Sirion like a young unicorn.

I've been to the zoo and I've seen young rhinoceri. They don't "skip like a calf". Unicorns are clearly equine animals.


They didn't drown in the flood because they were still around in David's time and in Isaiah's time. They might still be around today, but they are smart enough to avoid contact with humans. People thought the coelacanth's were gone, but they were all just living in a spot where people weren't fishing. Have you ever had coelacanth? It's delicious. The flavor is kind of like grouper, but the texture is like swordfish. The best way to eat them is to marinate the steaks for a couple of hours and throw them on the grill.

Pastor Billy-Reuben

I wonder what Unicorn tastes like? Probably chicken...I know dolphin tastes a lot like turtle.

[frenchie]

Re: Is God as Strong as a Unicorn?

You guys are serious or what?

[Pastor Billy-Reuben]

Re: Is God as Strong as a Unicorn?

You guys are serious or what?

I think Brother Guy is just making a play on the "everything tastes like chicken" joke. Unicorns probably taste more like horse meat.

Pastor Billy-Reuben

[frenchie]

Re: Is God as Strong as a Unicorn?

I was talking about this whole topic

[Pastor Billy-Reuben]

Re: Is God as Strong as a Unicorn?

I was talking about this whole topic

Yes, of course. The Bible says unicorns are real, and were still around as recently as the time of Isaiah, or at least that was the last recorded sighting of one.

The existence of unicorns is a serious topic of discussion among Christians.

Pastor Billy-Reuben

[frenchie]

Re: Is God as Strong as a Unicorn?

But isn't an unicorn an evil creature? After all, on his head he has a horn (just like demons btw), which female and gay males can use to pleasure themselves sexually?

[Pastor Billy-Reuben]

Re: Is God as Strong as a Unicorn?

But isn't an unicorn an evil creature? After all, on his head he has a horn (just like demons btw), which female and gay males can use to pleasure themselves sexually?

How do horns make an animal evil? Cow have horns and they aren't evil.

I think you've seen one too many unicorn-bestiality-fantasy pictures on deviant art. That's not what unicorns are like. Did you not just read this thread, about a unicorn's temperament? A unicorn isn't going to sit there and be docile and let someone walk up to it and shove its horn up some orifice. Why would you think such a thing? The person would be gored and trampled before they even got their pants down/skirt up.

Are you on drugs? Drugs are not the answer. They are only a temporary escape. Jesus is the answer, friend.

Pastor Billy-Reuben

[frenchie]

Re: Is God as Strong as a Unicorn?

Cows are evil! They've got four *profanity deleted*, which makes them twice as evil as women!!

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Is God as Strong as a Unicorn?

Cows are evil! They've got four *profanity deleted*, which makes them twice as evil as women!!

I think your line of Biblical reasoning has been diverted by an attack of hormones: Cows are generally Godly creatures. The only exception is the kine of Bashan (kine means cows and suggests homerism):

Am:4:1: Hear this word, ye kine of Bashan, that are in the mountain of Samaria, which oppress the poor, which crush the needy, which say to their masters, Bring, and let us drink.
Am:4:2: The Lord GOD hath sworn by his holiness, that, lo, the days shall come upon you, that he will take you away with hooks, and your posterity with fishhooks.
Am:4:3: And ye shall go out at the breaches, every cow at that which is before her; and ye shall cast them into the palace, saith the LORD.

So Memorex, beware of hooks.

[God Hates Me]

Re: Is God as Strong as a Unicorn?

Fools! God IS the UNICORN... it is the unicorn of judgment! be afraid, very afraid, for those who take this book too seriously will be godunicornshanked in their sleep!

[Ebenezer Wright]

Re: Is God as Strong as a Unicorn?

Fools! God IS the UNICORN... it is the unicorn of judgment! be afraid, very afraid, for those who take this book too seriously will be godunicornshanked in their sleep!

How can you take His good Book too seriously? He writes what to do, and we do it. It is as simple as that. Your attempt at sarcasm sickens me.

Do you think God is going to take your mocking lightly?

[God Hates Me]

Re: Is God as Strong as a Unicorn?

How can you take His good Book too seriously? He writes what to do, and we do it. It is as simple as that. Your attempt at sarcasm sickens me.

Do you think God is going to take your mocking lightly?

SHES probably watching you and laughing right now