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Default Evils of the Noodly Appendage! - 04-24-2009, 09:16 AM

Pastafarianism revealed.

Friends, we have finally caught the demon who mocks god with meatballs. Well, we haven't actually CAUGHT him because the Department of Faith is busy trying to get the GODLY republican torturers off the retribution hook. But we have hacked into his secret IM account and you can ask him questions right here!

JESUS delivers these people to us eventually and we convert them or the electrodes convert them.

This is JF, the chief Pastafarian and SATAN's spawn. May GOD have mercy on his soul!


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Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: Evils of the Noodly Appendage! - 04-24-2009, 09:32 AM

Oh Dear how wrong you have all got it, you have fallen for the Jesus myth, anyone with half a brain knows that the world and the rest of the universe was created 5000 years ago by the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
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Default Re: Evils of the Noodly Appendage! - 04-24-2009, 09:32 AM

I have long believed that the great failing of the spaghetti monster was the well-known fact that tomato sauce tends to solidify. Any god thus encumbered in the free use of limbs department would be severely restricted in the creation and intervention areas, unlike the Lord of Hosts, Whose Works are constantly on display and irrefutably evident to us all.

Also any food-stuff based god (and this goes for the Catlixs’ lies on transubstantiation too) has the problem of constant regeneration as followers consume him. (Oh, I’ve just thought of another reason – is the spaghetti monster male or female? Who would worship a female, a neutral gender or a hermaphrodite?)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jo Feddie View Post
Oh Dear how wrong you have all got it, you have fallen for the Jesus myth, anyone with half a brain knows that the world and the rest of the universe was created 5000 years ago by the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Mr Jo, God created the world 6,000 years ago. There is not the slightest hint anywhere in the Bible that thereafter He also created pasta-based life forms or handed over re-creation.

Sir, you are deluded and require long-term hospital treatment.




Ec:7:16: Be not righteous over much; neither make thyself over wise: why shouldest thou destroy thyself?

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Default Re: Evils of the Noodly Appendage! - 04-24-2009, 09:35 AM

The REAL lessons for life can be found in The Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts"

1. I'd really rather you didn't act like a sanctimonious holier-than-thou ass when describing my noodly goodness. If some people don't believe in me, that's okay. Really, I'm not that vain. Besides, this isn't about them so don't change the subject.

2. I'd really rather you didn't use my existence as a means to oppress, subjugate, punish, eviscerate, and/or, you know, be mean to others. I don't require sacrifices, and purity is for drinking water, not people.

3. I'd really rather you didn't judge people for the way they look, or how they dress, or the way they talk, or, well, just play nice, okay? Oh, and get this into your thick heads: woman = person. man = person. Samey = Samey. One is not better than the other, unless we're talking about fashion and I'm sorry, but I gave that to women and some guys who know the difference between teal and fuchsia.

4. I'd really rather you didn't indulge in conduct that offends yourself, or your willing, consenting partner of legal age AND mental maturity. As for anyone who might object, I think the expression is "go piffle yourself," unless they find that offensive in which case they can turn off the TV for once and go for a walk for a change.

5. I'd really rather you didn't challenge the bigoted, misogynistic, hateful ideas of others on an empty stomach. Eat, then go after the bitches.

6. I'd really rather you didn't build multi million-dollar synagogues / churches / temples / mosques / shrines to my noodly goodness when the money could be better spent (take your pick):
1. Ending poverty
2. Curing diseases
3. Living in peace, loving with passion, and lowering the cost of cable
I might be a complex-carbohydrate omniscient being, but I enjoy the simple things in life. I ought to know. I AM the creator.

7. I'd really rather you didn't go around telling people I talk to you. You're not that interesting. Get over yourself. And I told you to love your fellow man, can't you take a hint?

8. I'd really rather you didn't do unto others as you would have them do unto you if you are into, um, stuff that uses a lot of leather/lubricant/vaseline. If the other person is into it, however (pursuant to #4), then have at it, take pictures, and for the love of Mike, wear a CONDOM! Honestly, it's a piece of rubber. If I didn't want it to feel good when you did it I would have added spikes, or something.
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Default Re: Evils of the Noodly Appendage! - 04-24-2009, 09:38 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jo Feddie View Post
Oh Dear how wrong you have all got it, you have fallen for the Jesus myth, anyone with half a brain knows that the world and the rest of the universe was created 5000 years ago by the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Son, spaghetti wasn't even INVENTED 5,000 years ago. JESUS invented it in Nazareth I think, but I can't prove it in Scripture.

JESUS gives us all we can handle, and the Pastafarian cult is growing almost as fast as Sintology and the ridiculous belief in EVILution.

Friends, I suggest you try to help this poor, disillusioned person before GOD smites him with a meteorite.


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Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: Evils of the Noodly Appendage! - 04-24-2009, 09:42 AM

The Flying Spaghetti Monster's Sauce is perfect, you are confused by Mankind's pale imitation of his Sauce, any sauce made by human hand can not possibly reach the perfection of the true Sauce.

The FSM's followers do not consume our true creator but consume a representation of the Creator, those deluded catholics follow a simaler practice with their bread and wine
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Default Re: Evils of the Noodly Appendage! - 04-24-2009, 09:48 AM

There's a logical problem here friend: how did he cook himself? The FSM couldn't cook himself before he was the FSM now could he?

I dunno, a supreme being made of dago sticks that need 10 minutes before being al dente doesn't impress Baby Jesus much.

1 Samuel 17:43
He said to David, "Am I a dog, that you come at me with sticks?" And the Philistine cursed David by his gods.


Psalm 81:10:
I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.
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Default Re: Evils of the Noodly Appendage! - 04-24-2009, 09:49 AM

How very dare you accuse the True History of Creation of having anything to do with those fools that peddle the Evolution Myth.

I suppose you also deny that global warming can be directly related to the demise of true Pirates
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Default Re: Evils of the Noodly Appendage! - 04-24-2009, 09:52 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wide-Open View Post
There's a logical problem here friend: how did he cook himself? The FSM couldn't cook himself before he was the FSM now could he?

I dunno, a supreme being made of dago sticks that need 10 minutes before being al dente doesn't impress Baby Jesus much.

1 Samuel 17:43
He said to David, "Am I a dog, that you come at me with sticks?" And the Philistine cursed David by his gods.
Why would he need to cook himself? He was already perfect, we have to cook pasta made by man in a vane attempt to come close to his perfection
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Default Re: Evils of the Noodly Appendage! - 04-24-2009, 09:53 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jo Feddie View Post
T The REAL lessons for life can be found in The Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts"
You just made them up – if you think something can be made with Godly authority merely by writing it down, you are deluded.

Quote:
1. I'd really rather you didn't act like a sanctimonious holier-than-thou ass when describing my noodly goodness. If some people don't believe in me, that's okay. Really, I'm not that vain. Besides, this isn't about them so don't change the subject.
So basically, the SM has no self-respect?

Quote:
2. I'd really rather you didn't use my existence as a means to oppress, subjugate, punish, eviscerate, and/or, you know, be mean to others. I don't require sacrifices, and purity is for drinking water, not people.
Not much of a god are you? God must be able to show the magnificence of His creation and His awesome power over it – fat lot a god is if he can do little more than your neighbor.

Quote:
3. I'd really rather you didn't judge people for the way they look, or how they dress, or the way they talk, or, well, just play nice, okay? Oh, and get this into your thick heads: woman = person. man = person. Samey = Samey. One is not better than the other, unless we're talking about fashion and I'm sorry, but I gave that to women and some guys who know the difference between teal and fuchsia.
God gave us eyes that we might see the good and evil of the world. We would never have discovered such things as pi=3 if we had, all the time, been mistaking rattle snakes for bits of string. Judgment is there to be used.

Quote:
4. I'd really rather you didn't indulge in conduct that offends yourself, or your willing, consenting partner of legal age AND mental maturity. As for anyone who might object, I think the expression is "go piffle yourself," unless they find that offensive in which case they can turn off the TV for once and go for a walk for a change.
…and here lies the faulty with your theology – God has given us a set of guidelines, your idiot god says, “I’ll leave all decisions to your subjective powers.”

Quote:
5. I'd really rather you didn't challenge the bigoted, misogynistic, hateful ideas of others on an empty stomach. Eat, then go after the bitches.
Ah, I see some common ground emerging – God too knows how wrong it is not to distinguish between the races, treat women as if they ran the place and not eat pounds of Godly fat from sacrificial lambs!

Quote:
6. I'd really rather you didn't build multi million-dollar synagogues / churches / temples / mosques / shrines to my noodly goodness
You can be assured that Landover will never spend a penny on SM.
Quote:
when the money could be better spent (take your pick):
1. Ending poverty
2. Curing diseases
3. Living in peace, loving with passion, and lowering the cost of cable
Jesus said the poor are always with us – to end poverty would be to deny Him! Disease is Divine retribution to restrict God is blasphemy. Jesus commands us to slay those who will not accept Him as their leader – you’re not much of a Christian are you?
Quote:
I might be a complex-carbohydrate omniscient being, but I enjoy the simple things in life. I ought to know. I AM the creator.
Jesus likes simple people too! They seem to accept His message far easier than those who are arrogantly intelligent.

Quote:
7. I'd really rather you didn't go around telling people I talk to you. You're not that interesting. Get over yourself. And I told you to love your fellow man, can't you take a hint?
Don’t worry, you’ve not said anything worth repeating yet.

Quote:
8. I'd really rather you didn't do unto others as you would have them do unto you if you are into, um, stuff that uses a lot of leather/lubricant/vaseline.
Good to see you take a Godly line on Sex, Homerism, etc! The Lord Aapproves!
Quote:
If the other person is into it, however (pursuant to #4), then have at it, take pictures, and for the love of Mike, wear a CONDOM!
You have just undone all your good words…
Quote:
Honestly, it's a piece of rubber. If I didn't want it to feel good when you did it I would have added spikes, or something.
It is death to unborn potential souls!




Ec:7:16: Be not righteous over much; neither make thyself over wise: why shouldest thou destroy thyself?

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Default Re: Evils of the Noodly Appendage! - 04-24-2009, 10:06 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jo Feddie View Post
The REAL lessons for life can be found in The Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts"
I'm afraid this is going to be harder than I thought. We probably should have grabbed an easier target like Kim Jong Il and put him in GITMO immediately; but since we have this demon engaged in conversation, GOD won't fail us.

Listen to me boy. All of those "I wish" things sound really gay. Of course men know Teal from Fuchsia! Teal is a light ale and Fuschia is a dark German brew. All of those other rules are more or less exactly contrary to Scripture. Women are property. You buy and sell them. Of course we Christians don't oppress anyone. We may have to kill a few witches or unbelievers, but it's not murder if GOD tells you to do it.

WE ARE COMMANDED to judge everyone and everything. I am not going to start quoting Scripture to you yet. I don't think you have been tortured into submission convinced by the Bible's irrefutable logic just yet. But at any time feel free to challenge me or ANY PASTOR HERE to show you the appropriate passage in the KJV1611 (Authorized) Bible which GOD caused to be written for His new Church of Landover. We were given leave to bring His word to the new country and slaughter all of the injuns who had pre-stolen our land and we still have several hundred scalps and war trophies in the Landover Natural History of Creation museum.

Our primary mission is to 'perfect' JOOS according to Ann Coulter, eradicate Catlix who worship the fish-head god, LDS, goths, wiccans, gays, etc. and then move on and become prepared for the day of reckoning when JESUS returns to start Armageddon and make the rivers flow with blood in His mercy.

You have only a short period of time to decide. Will you be Saved™ or soup?

We are willing to work with you. We successfully converted the Jerry Jones cult within an hour. Sadly, most of them are in HELL gulping lava with SATAN's huge, spiked member slapping at their backsides for eternity....but we did manage to arrange the meeting.

I appeal to you, son. Don't try to think for yourself. Jesus hates that. Begin your tithing program of 20% a month and we can start on your eternal life!


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Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: Evils of the Noodly Appendage! - 04-24-2009, 10:23 AM

"You just made them up - if you think something can be made with Godly authority merely by writing it down, you are deluded."

Yeh like some old git coming down from having a kip up a hill is more valid then the truth of a true prophet such as Mosey the Pirate captain who was given the The Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts" while brooding atop Mount Salsa

"So basically, the SM has no self-respect?"

No The FSM as confident in his place in the universe and is not riddled with doubt

"Not much of a god are you? God must be able to show the magnificence of His creation and His awesome power over it – fat lot a god is if he can do little more than your neighbor."

The true creator has respect for his creation, do you feel so insicure that you feel that the creator must hate you?

"God gave us eyes that we might see the good and evil of the world. We would never have discovered such things as pi=3 if we had, all the time, been mistaking rattle snakes for bits of string. Judgment is there to be used."

Pi is approximately 3.14159265358979323846 your acceptance as it being 3 shows your lack of understanding of creation

"-and here lies the faulty with your theology - God has given us a set of guidelines, your idiot god says, -I’ll leave all decisions to your subjective powers.-"

The FSM gave you a brain if you are not capable of using it that is not his fault.

"Ah, I see some common ground emerging - God too knows how wrong it is not to distinguish between the races, treat women as if they ran the place and not eat pounds of Godly fat from sacrificial lambs!"

One point of convergence...

"You can be assured that Landover will never spend a penny on SM."

So those Gold Bath taps don't exist?

"Jesus said the poor are always with us - to end poverty would be to deny Him! Disease is Divine retribution to restrict God is blasphemy. Jesus commands us to slay those who will not accept Him as their leader - you’re not much of a Christian are you?"

Very true I am no sort of Christian, you use your myth to keep down the less fortunate, the true joy of creation tells us to improve the lot of our fellow man.

"Jesus likes simple people too! They seem to accept His message far easier than those who are arrogantly intelligent."

So you admit your Myth appeals to the hard of thinking?

"Don’t worry, you’ve not said anything worth repeating yet."

But you claim your real deity talks to you?

"Good to see you take a Godly line on Sex, Homerism, etc! The Lord Aapproves! "

We do not seek the approval of your mythical lord

"You have just undone all your good words"

Why because the creator want us to be safe and not to populate his world with the unwanted?

"It is death to unborn potential souls!"

If your mythical God was so strong would a thin bit of rubber really get in the way of the life he wanted to create?
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Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: Evils of the Noodly Appendage! - 04-24-2009, 10:38 AM

"I'm afraid this is going to be harder that I thought. We probably should have grabbed an easier target like Kim Jong Il and put him in GITMO immediately; but since we have this demon engaged in conversation, GOD won't fail us."

This is because I have truth on my side

"Listen to me boy. Al of those "I wish" things sound really gay. Of course men know Teal from Fuchsia! Teal is a light ale and Fuschia is a dark German brew. All of those other rules are more or less exactly contrary to Scripture. Women are property. You buy and sell them. Of course we Christians don't oppress anyone. We may have to kill a few witches or unbelievers, but it's not murder if GOD tells you to do it"

This clearly shows your do NOT know Teal from Fuchsia and that your scriptures do not reflect truth but some kind of misogynist fantasy

"WE ARE COMMANDED to judge everyone and everything. I am not going to start quoting Scripture to you yet. I don't think you have been [s]tortured into submission [s/] convinced by the Bible's irrefutable logic just yet. But at any time feel free to challenge me or ANY PASTOR HERE to show you the appropriate passage in the KJV1611 (Authorized) Bible which GOD caused to be written for His new Church of Landover. We were given leave to bring His word to the new country and slaughter all of the injuns who had pre-stolen our land and we still have several hundred scalps and war trophies in the Landover Natural History of Creation museum."

It is not our role to judge, that is the role of our creator, how dare you persume you have that right

"Our primary mission is to 'perfect' JOOS according to Ann Coulter and then move on and become prepared for the day of reckoning when JESUS returns to start Armageddon and make the rivers flow with blood in His mercy."

you really think out creator hate his creation that much?

"You have only a short period of time to decide. Will you be Saved or soup?

We are willing to work with you. We successfully converted the Jerry Jones cult within an hour. Sadly, most of them are in HELL gulping lava with SATAN's huge, spiked member slapping at their backsides for eternity....but we did manage to arrange the meeting.

I appeal to you, son. Don't try to think for yourself. Jesus hates that. Begin your tithing program of 20% a month and we can start on your eternal life!"

The Flying Spaghetti Monster gave us a brian and wants us to use it, your Myth seems to see the use of reason and thinking as evil


RAmen
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Default Re: Evils of the Noodly Appendage! - 04-24-2009, 10:49 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jo Feddie View Post
So those Gold Bath taps don't exist?
Of course they exist! M't:6:19: Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:Gold is resistant to moth and rust, Bobby-Joe and the security detail detain anyone who might look like a thief and thus Gold taps are an economic saving - I am a True Christian, I can only afford the best!

Quote:
Re - you’re not much of a Christian are you?"

Very true I am no sort of Christian, you use your myth to keep down the less fortunate,
Oh here we see the way you SM'ers see the world as divided rather than as united. God made us high and lowly and ordered our estate! We are united in the belief that all is for the best.
Quote:
the true joy of creation tells us to improve the lot of our fellow man.
You'll find none of that commie rubbish in the Bible!

Quote:
Re: - "Jesus likes simple people too! They seem to accept His message far easier than those who are arrogantly intelligent."

So you admit your Myth appeals to the hard of thinking?
Of course! He likes to do something for the idiots of the world as well - see it as equal opportunity with the balance on the side of the less well endowed.

Quote:
re:"You have just undone all your good words"

Why because the creator want us to be safe and not to populate his world with the unwanted?
How could anyone be "unwanted"? That sounds like your SM is the very sort of god that would have thousands killed.

Quote:
Re -"It is death to unborn potential souls!"

If your mythical God was so strong would a thin bit of rubber really get in the way of the life he wanted to create?
It is the work of the devil.




Ec:7:16: Be not righteous over much; neither make thyself over wise: why shouldest thou destroy thyself?

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Default Re: Evils of the Noodly Appendage! - 04-24-2009, 10:54 AM

Italian food always gives me wind.
Now I know it will also send me to Hell if I eat any more



Sister Talitha

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being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41



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Default Re: Evils of the Noodly Appendage! - 04-24-2009, 11:28 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jo Feddie View Post
"I'm afraid this is going to be harder that I thought. We probably should have grabbed an easier target like Kim Jong Il and put him in GITMO immediately; but since we have this demon engaged in conversation, GOD won't fail us."

This is because I have truth on my side

What does truth have to do with religion?

"Listen to me boy. Al of those "I wish" things sound really gay. Of course men know Teal from Fuchsia! Teal is a light ale and Fuschia is a dark German brew. All of those other rules are more or less exactly contrary to Scripture. Women are property. You buy and sell them. Of course we Christians don't oppress anyone. We may have to kill a few witches or unbelievers, but it's not murder if GOD tells you to do it"

This clearly shows your do NOT know Teal from Fuchsia and that your scriptures do not reflect truth but some kind of misogynist fantasy

Of course I do. I just described the difference to you. One comes in sort of a pansy-blue bottle and one comes in a pansy-purple bottle. Real men don't drink them.

"WE ARE COMMANDED to judge everyone and everything. I am not going to start quoting Scripture to you yet. I don't think you have been [s]tortured into submission [s/] convinced by the Bible's irrefutable logic just yet. But at any time feel free to challenge me or ANY PASTOR HERE to show you the appropriate passage in the KJV1611 (Authorized) Bible which GOD caused to be written for His new Church of Landover. We were given leave to bring His word to the new country and slaughter all of the injuns who had pre-stolen our land and we still have several hundred scalps and war trophies in the Landover Natural History of Creation museum."

It is not our role to judge, that is the role of our creator, how dare you persume you have that right

Well, you asked for it.

Leviticus 19:15
In righteousness shalt thou judge thy neighbour.

John 7:24
Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.

1 Corinthians 2:15
But he that is spiritual judgeth all things, yet he himself is judged of no man.

1 Corinthians 5:12-13
For what have I to do to judge them also that are without? do not ye judge them that are within? But them that are without God judgeth. Therefore put away from among yourselves that wicked person.

1 Corinthians 6:2-3
Do ye not know that the saints shall judge the world? and if the world shall be judged by you, are ye unworthy to judge the smallest matters? Know ye not that we shall judge angels? how much more things that pertain to this life?
"Our primary mission is to 'perfect' JOOS according to Ann Coulter and then move on and become prepared for the day of reckoning when JESUS returns to start Armageddon and make the rivers flow with blood in His mercy."

you really think out creator hate his creation that much?


Just the sinners who aren't members of Landover and have their tithes in order.

REVELATION

Jesus makes war. 19:11

Jesus's clothes are dipped in blood and his secret name ("that no man knew") is "The Word of God". 19:13

With eyes aflame, many crowns on his head, clothes dripping with blood, a sword sticking out of his mouth, and a secret name, Jesus leads the faithful in heaven into holy war on earth. 19:14-15

"Come ... unto the supper of the great God." An angel calls all the fowls to feast upon the flesh of dead horses and human bodies, "both free and bond, both small and great." 19:17-18

The beast and the false prophet are cast alive into a lake of fire. The rest were killed with the sword of Jesus. "And all the fowls were filled with their flesh." 19:20-21

God will send fire from heaven to devour people. And the devil will be tormented "day and night for ever and ever." 20:9-10

Whoever isn't found listed in the book of life will be cast into the lake of fire. 20:15

All liars, as well as those who are fearful or unbelieving, will be cast into "the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone." 21:8


"You have only a short period of time to decide. Will you be Saved or soup?

We are willing to work with you. We successfully converted the Jerry Jones cult within an hour. Sadly, most of them are in HELL gulping lava with SATAN's huge, spiked member slapping at their backsides for eternity....but we did manage to arrange the meeting.

I appeal to you, son. Don't try to think for yourself. Jesus hates that. Begin your tithing program of 20% a month and we can start on your eternal life!
"

The Flying Spaghetti Monster gave us a brian and wants us to use it, your Myth seems to see the use of reason and thinking as evil

There is not ONE verse in the Bible that suggests anyone should think for themselves. On the contrary, GOD thinks and then tells us, His Pastors what to think and we in turn tell His flock what to think. That seems to me like perfection!

RAmen
I believe it is only fair to tell you that GOD IS NOT MOCKED!


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: Evils of the Noodly Appendage! - 04-24-2009, 12:23 PM

While we are on the subject, I urge all Landover parents not to feed their children Chef Boyardee. Not only is it too spicy for sensible Christian taste buds, it's a gateway food to all sorts of unsavory Italian fare, like calzones and enormous sausages.

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Default Re: Evils of the Noodly Appendage! - 04-24-2009, 01:33 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet View Post
While we are on the subject, I urge all Landover parents not to feed their children Chef Boyardee. Not only is it too spicy for sensible Christian taste buds, it's a gateway food to all sorts of unsavory Italian fare, like calzones and enormous sausages.

Amen Brother. I remember my unsaved days as if it was yesterday. I'm sure you all remember the kind of vile stuff my (late) wife made me eat, trying to turn me into a giggling sissified limp whristed lisping homer.

I'm now thinking she may actually have been one of these "pastafarians".

Does this look "godly" to you?

Name:  noodles.jpg
Views: 142
Size:  446.7 KB

Just say no Brothers and Sisters!


Psalm 81:10:
I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.
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Default Re: Evils of the Noodly Appendage! - 04-24-2009, 01:34 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet View Post

I'm pretty sure that guy's their pope.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: Evils of the Noodly Appendage! - 04-24-2009, 01:57 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
Of course they exist! M't:6:19: Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:Gold is resistant to moth and rust, Bobby-Joe and the security detail detain anyone who might look like a thief and thus Gold taps are an economic saving - I am a True Christian, I can only afford the best!
I thought you Christians were all about self sacrifice for the good of others not lining your own nest, but looking at the gold taps and the church of Rome I will admit I could be wrong on that point

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
Oh here we see the way you SM'ers see the world as divided rather than as united. God made us high and lowly and ordered our estate! We are united in the belief that all is for the best.
Oh we see the world untied in the truth of out creation by The Great Noodle

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
You'll find none of that commie rubbish in the Bible!
So to be selfless is a commie aspiration is it, in that case hand me the Red Flag

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
Of course! He likes to do something for the idiots of the world as well - see it as equal opportunity with the balance on the side of the less well endowed.
Does not sound like equal opportunity to me sounds like an attempt to control those who you will not allow to think for themselves

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
How could anyone be "unwanted"? That sounds like your SM is the very sort of god that would have thousands killed.
How can you equate the prevention of an unwanted child with killing? If our creator deems that a child should be created then it will.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
It is the work of the devil.
The devil is a mythical creation to frighten those who do not agree with your point of view
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