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Attention all True Christian(tm) Men: I am calling on you all to step up to the plate and help me help THIS poor nubile young lass. She is a virgin in trouble! What kind of Christian Men are we if we don't do our utmost to save her and her precious virginity for Christ? 
Okay, here's my plan; All you men pony up the money (we'll call it a "special tithe" on your *receipt), so that I can purchase the rights to service this girl on behalf of Jesus. Once I place your Love Offerings in contention and am announced the winning bidder, I'll have Capn. Portaway fly me out to Nevada, where I'll pick Miss Dylan up at her place of employment, then we'll head off to an **undisclosed location where I will offer her my own personal "Give it up for Christ" sermon, fueled by a couple of Viagras and a Red Bull cocktail the Holy Ghost. I guarantee you that I'll have her on her knees for Jesus within minutes, but that would just be the beginning!
And for you Platinum Tithers, I'll bring back a full-color 90 minute video of my personal, one-on-one conversion session for Jesus! Act now, Brothers! Do you want to go to sleep tonight with the thought in your head that some filthy Austrian took this American girl's greatest possession? Or some rich Arab Sheik, shoving his curved muslim tallywhacker into her mommycave?
*non-tax-deductible
**in international territory
'DEFLOWER DEAL' GUY PULLS OUT
She won't be taking her golden chastity belt off anytime soon.
The 22-year-old California virgin who auctioned off her virtue online for $3.8 million has yet to meet her winning bidder in the flesh - because his wife won't let him.
Natalie Dylan (not her real name) admitted the deal had fallen through.
Last week, she got a phone call from the rogue Romeo, a 38-year-old Australian real-estate businessman, who said he had to back out.
"I told him to go back into marriage therapy," sniped Dylan.
The Aussie cad then sheepishly asked for his $250,000 deposit back. Dylan said no hard feelings; it would be returned.
Now Dylan, who launched the online campaign last fall through the Moonlite Bunny Ranch - a legal brothel in Carson City, Nev., owned by Dennis Hof - is back on the auction block.
She won't be taking her golden chastity belt off anytime soon.
The 22-year-old California virgin who auctioned off her virtue online for $3.8 million has yet to meet her winning bidder in the flesh - because his wife won't let him.
Natalie Dylan (not her real name) admitted the deal had fallen through.
Last week, she got a phone call from the rogue Romeo, a 38-year-old Australian real-estate businessman, who said he had to back out.
"I told him to go back into marriage therapy," sniped Dylan.
The Aussie cad then sheepishly asked for his $250,000 deposit back. Dylan said no hard feelings; it would be returned.
Now Dylan, who launched the online campaign last fall through the Moonlite Bunny Ranch - a legal brothel in Carson City, Nev., owned by Dennis Hof - is back on the auction block.
And for you Platinum Tithers, I'll bring back a full-color 90 minute video of my personal, one-on-one conversion session for Jesus! Act now, Brothers! Do you want to go to sleep tonight with the thought in your head that some filthy Austrian took this American girl's greatest possession? Or some rich Arab Sheik, shoving his curved muslim tallywhacker into her mommycave?
*non-tax-deductible
**in international territory
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