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Old 09-02-2007, 08:43 AM
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Default The official deity bodycount

We all know that being God-fearing is a good thing. Our creation scientists have completed an epic research project that statistically proves once and for all that the truly God-fearing become Christians - because the most fearsome deity is ours:

The Official Deity Bodycount:

Jesus

Taiping Rebellion (1851- 1864)
20,000,000 - 40,000,000

American Indians killed
20,000,000

AIDS 1981-98
11,700,000
By keeping condoms away from sinners. Catholic Priests have 4 times more AIDS cases than the regular population. Does that mean Jesus gets 3 quarters of AIDS smitings?

The Thirty Years War (1618-48)
8,000,000

Saracens slaughtered in Spain
7,000,000

Jews killed in Holocaust
6,000,000

France: Catholic vs. Huguenot (1562-1598)
2,000,000 - 4,000,000

Saxons and Scandinavian pagans killed
2,000,000

Rwanda and Burundi (1959-95)
1 350 000

Bush's Crusade in Iraq
1,200,000+ (God told him to do it!)

People killed under the orders of God in the Bible
1,283,000

Spanish Inquisition (1478-1834)
350,000

Ivan the Terrible, Russia, (r.1533-84)
200,000

Bosnia and Herzegovina (1992-95):
175 000

Poland (1648-54) Jews slaughtered
150,000-200,000

Witch Hunts (1400-1800)
100,000

Peasants' War, Germany (1524-25)
100,000

Vlad The Impaler, Wallachia (r.1456-1462)
50,000-100,000

Jews killed as scapegoats for Black Death, West Europe (1348)
20,000+

US Lynchings, first wave (1865-76)

3,500 - 20,000

Lisbon (1506) Converted Jews killed
2,000-4,000

US Lynchings, second wave (1900-50)
1,986

INVISIBLE HAND
Smoking, 20th century
90,000,000

Victorian Imperial Famines (1876-1900)
31,700,000 - 61,300,000

French Equatorial Africa (1900-40)
12,000,000

Congo Free State (1886-1908)
8 000 000 - 21,500,000

Slave trade (Christian)
15,000,000 - 20,000,000

Slave trade (Islamic)
19,000,000

Shock Therapy, Russia 1992+
3,200,000 - 10,000,000 (sources for Low Estimate and High estimate)

Climate Change, 1999-2009
3,000,000

Ireland, Famine (1845-48)
750,000

Destruction of Amazonian Indians (1900-99)
500,000

Forced laborers worked to death in Portuguese colonies (1900-25):
325 000

Rubber companies in Peru and Brazil, worker deaths (1900-12):
250 000

ALLAH

Chinese Muslim Rebellion, (1862-1877)
8,000,000 - 12,000,000

Timur Lenk (1369-1405)
5,000,000

Sudan (1983 et seq.)
1 900 000

East Pakistan: Massacres 1971
1,250,000

Iran-Iraq War (Sunni VS Shia) 1980-88
1,000,000

Arab conquest
698,200

Algeria (1954-62)
675 000

Hindus killed, India, (1366)
500,000

India-Pakistan Partition 1947
250,000

Lebanon 1976-2000
150,000

Syria's Shia(Alawite) vs Sunni civil war (in progress)
100,000

Algeria: Islamic fundamentalist insurrection (1992-2002)
100 000

War Between Christians and Druses, Lebanon (1860)
30,000

Persia (1848-54)
20,000 Babis (Baha'is) massacred.

India, Sepoy Mutiny (1857)
15,000

Massacre of Armenians (1895-96)
5,000 - 75,000

Israeli War of Independence 1948
11,000

Bengali War of Independence 1971
11,000

2nd Indo-Pak War 1965
7,000

Shinto God-emperor
Pacific war, 1933-1945
24,000,000

HINDU GODS

Thuggee human sacrifices
9,100,000

India-Pakistan Partition 1947
250,000

Widow Burning
62,400 per century until 1829

India, Sepoy Mutiny (1857)
5,000 - 75,000

PAGAN

Mongol Crusades
40,000,000

Human sacrifices during dedication of a temple of Huitzilopochtli in Tenochtitlan by Aztec king Ahuitzotl (1487)
80,000

South Africa, Xhosa self-destruction (1857)
40,000 starved

China, human sacrifices 750-1050
13,000

BUDDAH and company
Taoist Yellow Turban Rebellion
3,000,000 - 7,000,000

Boxer Rebellion
115,000

Vietnam, Persecution of Christians (ca. 1832-1887)
40,000

Conclusion:

I have not worked out the precise numbers but it seems Jesus is easily the most fearsome, with about one hundred million smitings to his credit before you even count His Invisible Hand, at which point it adds up to a quarter-billion confirmed kills.

The Pagan deity that sent Ghengis Khan crusading gets second place. After all, many of his Mongol warriors were Christians.

Allah and the Hindu gods seem to be tied for third with about dozen million victims, Allah wins the bronze though, because his number is doubled if you count slavery in the Islamic world.

The Hindu gods used to do a lot of sacrifices in prehistoric times, but unless they nuke Pakistan soon they'll become a historical footnote among the God-fearing.

Non-Mongol Pagans seem to be the same story as the Hindus, though at least the pagan gods have the excuse that they hardly have any believers to do the smiting for them.

Buddah is pathetic, no wonder he's so fat, having not gotten off his butt to do a single smiting for an entire century now.

Got that, God-fearers?

THE GOD-FEARING FEAR JESUS!
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Last edited by Jeb Stuart Thurmond; 08-11-2013 at 08:01 PM.
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Old 09-02-2007, 09:43 AM
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Default Re: The official deity bodycount

Some body count you xtians have got there!
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Old 09-03-2007, 05:19 AM
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Default Re: The official deity bodycount

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Some body count you xtians have got there!
So, I take it that you're finally converting?

OK, let's start with tithing information, VISA, Mastercard, or American Express?
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Old 09-03-2007, 03:28 PM
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Default Re: The official deity bodycount

What a pleasure serving such a Kickass™ God!
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Old 09-04-2007, 02:22 AM
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Default Re: The official deity bodycount

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeb Thurmond View Post
So, I take it that you're finally converting?
Where on Earth did you get that idea?

Quote:
OK, let's start with tithing information, VISA, Mastercard, or American Express?
Let's not.
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Old 09-04-2007, 06:20 AM
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Default Re: The official deity bodycount

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Where on Earth did you get that idea?


Let's not.
Dear Ms. Van Buttspring! Our JOO lawyers have completed an accounting review of the people who use the forum most but haven't ponied up. Your share comes to US$8,621.66. Please remit the amount, in full, within the next week.

Thanks
Pastor Al.
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Old 09-04-2007, 06:42 AM
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Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: The official deity bodycount

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
Dear Ms. Van Buttspring! Our JOO lawyers have completed an accounting review of the people who use the forum most but haven't ponied up. Your share comes to US$8,621.66. Please remit the amount, in full, within the next week.

Thanks
Pastor Al.
Lo siento, sir, pero no entiendo inglés. No puedo entender las implicaciones de estas figuras numéricas que has presentado aquí. ¿Aparece ser una piña atada a una parte muy inconveniente de tu anatomía, no?
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Old 09-04-2007, 12:05 PM
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Default Re: The official deity bodycount

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Lo siento, sir, pero no entiendo inglés. No puedo entender las implicaciones de estas figuras numéricas que has presentado aquí. ¿Aparece ser una piña atada a una parte muy inconveniente de tu anatomía, no?
What's that? You're looking for a job now? You can cook, clean and do other maid duties, wink wink? We don't hire people to wink here!
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Old 09-04-2007, 11:17 PM
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Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: The official deity bodycount

Actually, I was asking the good Pastor if his grouchiness is related to a pineapple stuck.....never mind.
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Old 09-27-2007, 04:38 PM
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Default Re: The official deity bodycount

Thanks to Jesus choosing to bless us with Google translation:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
I feel it, to sir, but I do not understand English. I cannot understand the implications of these numerical figures that you have presented/displayed here. Aparece to be a fragmentation hand grenade tied to a very inconvenient part of your anatomy, no?
Rache, your writing skills are even worse than Hitoshi's. You don't understand the numerical figures? Their message is clear: Jesus has had his followers kill a quarter-BILLION (that's with a B, Rache) people who displeased him. And now you want to displease him enough to be number 250,000,001?

You think your money is too good for Him?
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Old 09-27-2007, 11:51 PM
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Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: The official deity bodycount

What???
What awful online translator did you use?
There was nothing about hand grenade in the original, it couldn't distinguish pineapple from hand grenade??? Eesh!
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Old 10-01-2007, 06:50 AM
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Default Re: The official deity bodycount

Unfortunatly Hitler was an occultic satanist so we may not be able to count those. Too bad, alot of jews in there. I was wondering also if you can break that count down by denomination. Seems like the catholics have pulled way ahead. Got any ideas how we baptists could ever catch up.
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Old 10-01-2007, 07:07 AM
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
 

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Default Re: The official deity bodycount

Quote:
Originally Posted by Al Shipton View Post
Unfortunatly Hitler was an occultic satanist so we may not be able to count those. Too bad, alot of jews in there. I was wondering also if you can break that count down by denomination. Seems like the catholics have pulled way ahead. Got any ideas how we baptists could ever catch up.
The book of Revelations holds the answer to that question. Praise Jesus! God is a killer. Jesus will return as a warrior. Look at the Book of Revelations and you'll find out that Jesus is going to come back as a killer. And don't you forget that. God will kill a third of the population, a third of the earth.

Quote:
Revelations 19:12 His eyes were as a flame of fire, and on his head were many crowns; and he had a name written, that no man knew, but he himself.
19:13 And he was clothed with a vesture dipped in blood: and his name is called The Word of God.
19:14 And the armies which were in heaven followed him upon white horses, clothed in fine linen, white and clean.
19:15 And out of his mouth goeth a sharp sword, that with it he should smite the nations: and he shall rule them with a rod of iron: and he treadeth the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God.
19:16 And he hath on his vesture and on his thigh a name written, KING OF KINGS, AND LORD OF LORDS.
Now THAT gets an AMEN! Shout it at the top of your lungs boy! AMEN!!!
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Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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  #14  
Old 10-09-2007, 06:51 PM
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cavinaugh17 (On Moderation) cavinaugh17 is offline
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Default Re: The official deity bodycount

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
Dear Ms. Van Buttspring! Our JOO lawyers have completed an accounting review of the people who use the forum most but haven't ponied up. Your share comes to US$8,621.66. Please remit the amount, in full, within the next week.

Thanks
Pastor Al.
Oooh how much do i owe?
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  #15  
Old 10-09-2007, 08:33 PM
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Jeb Stuart Thurmond Jeb Stuart Thurmond is offline
Didn't write the Bible, just obeys it
 

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Default Re: The official deity bodycount

Quote:
Originally Posted by cavinaugh17 View Post
Oooh how much do i owe?
Depends. You've already blasphemed the Holy Spirit, right? That's the one unforgivable sin, so if you've done it there's no salvation for you.

How much do the unsavable unsaved owe us? Once Biblical Law is returned to America, we will be providing faith-based services to heathens, services that will be paid for by user fees. How much will those fees be? Well, that depends if they stand still, or insist on being a moving target. Bullets are getting expensive these days, and for obvious reasons we will need payment in advance.
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  #16  
Old 10-09-2007, 08:41 PM
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Pastor Al E Pistle Pastor Al E Pistle is offline
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Default Re: The official deity bodycount

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Lo siento, sir, pero no entiendo inglés. No puedo entender las implicaciones de estas figuras numéricas que has presentado aquí. ¿Aparece ser una piña atada a una parte muy inconveniente de tu anatomía, no?
I have no idea how I missed this!

I don't care if you don't speak English, you tart; I'll be happy to explain the amount you owe in any language you like, and SHOVE A GODDAMN PINEAPPLE UP YOUR OWN ASS!
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  #17  
Old 01-05-2008, 10:34 PM
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Jeb Stuart Thurmond Jeb Stuart Thurmond is offline
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Default Re: The official deity bodycount

The recent persecution we're suffering under the hordes of Japanese-brainwashed game addicts as made we realize that I forgot to include Shintoism on this list.

In world war 2 The Shinto god, Emperor Hirohito, smote 20,000,000 Chinese, 1,000,000 vietnamese, 2,680,000 japanese and maybe half a million others. I'll round it off at 24,000,000, 24 million smitings.

Thus, the Japanese are almost exactly one tenth as God-fearing as Christians are.
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  #18  
Old 01-06-2008, 07:55 AM
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Default Re: The official deity bodycount

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Originally Posted by Obey View Post
Only those who love the peace of Jesus deserve to live.
So why exactly is it that you're against Catholics?
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  #19  
Old 01-06-2008, 07:58 AM
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Pastor Ezekiel Pastor Ezekiel is offline
Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
 

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Default Re: The official deity bodycount

Quote:
Originally Posted by Black Dragon View Post
So why exactly is it that you're against Catholics?
Because they are satanists. Take a look at THIS.

Now maybe you can tell us why exactly you hate Jesus?
__________________
Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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  #20  
Old 05-24-2008, 02:42 PM
Winston_Smith Winston_Smith is offline
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Default Re: The official deity bodycount

But surely, fellow christains, this means that we are losing the war. only a quarter of a billion people killed in our lords name in history and yet more heathens than that live today. Shouldwe not step up the crusade in the name of the lord and take the fight to the heathens
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