I'm An Independant Business Owner!

[Brother Harold Porter]

Praise Jesus Christ!

Brothers and Sisters, I am so excited I can barely contain myself!!

About a week ago, a friend I had not heard from for twenty years called me out of the blue. No one ever thought he would amount to much, but that has all changed.

We talked about old times and got caught up on the last two decades without contact. Asked him what he was doing now for a living and he told me this was one of the reasons he called. At first it wasn't clear as he began asking me questions about myself. What did I want out of life? Was I a hard worker that can begin something and see it through? Was I tired of working for other people? He even commented that he always thought I was a bright person with ambition.

It turns out there are still fantastic business opportunities for those that are willing to apply themselves. He vaguely outlined the business plan and said he would explain it in detail when we meet in person.

Well, we met last night at the local IHOP and was I impressed! He wore a very nice suit and tie and carried an impressive attache case. We chatted for about 6 hours before he opened his briefcase and showed me this golden opportunity. WOW!! In a mere two years, if I work hard, I'll have a Gulfstream V (although not necessarily brand new) and an estate in Grand Cayman.

I'm not allowed to divulge all the details unless I meet privately with you, mainly because it's not right for everyone. Lazy slobs that have no ambition and we don't have time to waste with them, or naysayers.

But what was most impressive was the Scripture quoting. Brothers and Sisters, this is a VERY Christ-centered and family oriented business! I've asked him to sign up here because he is truly one of us!

I can tell you this much: It's a MAJOR corporation with agents all around the globe! Our focus is primarily on quality household products that we all need every day. Detergents, vitamins, cosmetics, you name it. The key to the business is the quality of the products and our unique distribution platform.

Needless to say, I bought the "starter" kit last night for a measly $200 and, for only another $150, I officially became an Independant Business Owner! Praise Jesus!

My friend will serve as my counseler and what we call in the industry an "upline". We've already got most of my worldly posessions on Craigs list as they would simply interfere with "The Business". Besides, the proceeds will allow me to purchase ALL the motivational "Tools" to help me quickly grow "The Business".

Pray with me Brothers and Sisters that I prosper! PM if you think you might be the caliber of person we are looking for!

Yours in Christ!

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

What exciting news. I'll definitely pray for your success.

Prov. 10:22: The blessing of the LORD, it maketh rich, and he addeth no sorrow with it.

I'll bet you can already smell the leather upholstery in the platinum tithers' section of the church.

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

What exciting news. I'll definitely pray for your success.

Prov. 10:22: The blessing of the LORD, it maketh rich, and he addeth no sorrow with it.

I'll bet you can already smell the leather upholstery in the platinum tithers' section of the church.

Thank you Pastor!

We are talking a new mega church for LBC within two years, tops!

Yours in Christ!

[Levi Jones]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

Wow! This sounds like an incredible opportunity. I'm guessing all these products are sold at a major discount, right?

We should get together to talk about your legal coverage. I happen to have an opportunity that will keep you from being sued for a mere pennies a day.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

This just shows how great it is to still be living in a free-ish country. No doubt, if Obama had his way, your friend would be sent to the gulag, and and all his wealth taken by Big Government to pay outrageous welfare cheques to lazy bums who just don't have the initiative to pay $350 and become independent business owners themselves.

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

Wow! This sounds like an incredible opportunity. I'm guessing all these products are sold at a major discount, right?

We should get together to talk about your legal coverage. I happen to have an opportunity that will keep you from being sued for a mere pennies a day.

Pastor Levi!

Keep in mind, we aren't competing with the price of the inferior products you see on retail shelves. A superior product demands a fair price.

It's probably safe to say that you would indeed realize a discount with substantial purchase volume.

I need to counsel with my upline before I say too much....

But I'm already certain you could be one of us with such a sharp mind! Can we meet in your living room Saturday night?

Yours in Christ!

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

This just shows how great it is to still be living in a free-ish country. No doubt, if Obama had his way, your friend would be sent to the gulag, and and all his wealth taken by Big Government to pay outrageous welfare cheques to lazy bums who just don't have the initiative to pay $350 and become independent business owners themselves.

Quoted for the TRUTH™

Obama little reverse racists lackey Sherrod is probably having a hissy she couldn't get her claws into that $350 so she can "aid" (as turn into slaves) the very farmers her out of control government regulations are ruining.

Instead of handing out welfare-blood money-deficit bloating checks to deadbeat "unemployed" slackers maybe they might hand out a check to Rubicon's friend. We all become a nation of self employed Independent Business owners the recession will be over.

But oh wait, I am missing the point; "unemployment insurance" is just an excuse for the Obamaniation to wage class warfare on successful Americans. My mistake.

[HTannor]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

Will you be paying a "finder's fee" for rock-solid sales leads?

I have many contacts here in the trailer park and most of them seem eager to please when I drop by for regular ..........uh, "chats."

These potential entrepeneurs are largely getting by on welfare checks and food stamps and are always greatful when I leave an extra little something on the dresser when I take my leave.

Oh, sure, you may have to front them on the costs of the starter kits, but I'm sure they will eagerly work it off.

And they all have contacts in other trailer parks in the area (it's like a large network since they get together monthly at the welfare office), so it won't be like they're just selling stuff to each other.

Anyway, about the finder's fee.

I'm thinking maybe 25% of the $350 sounds fair since this is a whole new market to tap. And I don't need any residuals since I'm sure my contacts will shower me with their "gratitude" and that's payment enough. Maybe they might even leave a little something extra on my dresser on their way out.

[Sister Charli]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

I wish you well Brother Rubicon. I had a similar experience to yourself and then found out I was expected to sell "white powder" and I asked them what it was for. Like .. were you supposed to snort it up your left nostril with a rolled 100 dollar bill in a sleazy nightclub toilet? They assured me that it was some kinda concentrated laundry detergent and that it was the American Way. But Daddy was not convinced as there was no Australian Way equivalent white powder product and we did not pursue the business venture.

[H. Montague Worthington]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

I would be careful, Brother Rubicon! Keep a low profile with your new business, or Obama's army of brownshirted socialist totalitarian thugs will track you down and ruin your business! Two years into this miserable regime, I am surprised ANYONE has a job!

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

Will you be paying a "finder's fee" for rock-solid sales leads?

I have many contacts here in the trailer park and most of them seem eager to please when I drop by for regular ..........uh, "chats."

These potential entrepeneurs are largely getting by on welfare checks and food stamps and are always greatful when I leave an extra little something on the dresser when I take my leave.

Oh, sure, you may have to front them on the costs of the starter kits, but I'm sure they will eagerly work it off.

And they all have contacts in other trailer parks in the area (it's like a large network since they get together monthly at the welfare office), so it won't be like they're just selling stuff to each other.

Anyway, about the finder's fee.

I'm thinking maybe 25% of the $350 sounds fair since this is a whole new market to tap. And I don't need any residuals since I'm sure my contacts will shower me with their "gratitude" and that's payment enough. Maybe they might even leave a little something extra on my dresser on their way out.

Brother Tannor,

Thank you for the offer, but I just don't have the operating capital yet to afford finder's fees. And to be perfectly honest, we try to avoid the unemployed as prospects. Often, they are just too lazy to build their business and end up blaming our program for their failure. What we call "naysayers".

As instructed, I spent the morning on the phone with nearly everyone I know. If it wasn't for my upline, I would be discouraged. In over 100 calls, only my grandmother was interested, but it turns out she is in a nursing home and obviously can't pound the pavement to build the business.

But this will all change after this weekend. I was specially selected to attend a motivational function at the Holiday Inn at Tulsa! The ticket was only $800 and I can get there by Greyhound for only $100, round trip. I'm promised that we'll hear from all the "winners" who have the motivational skills and experience to quickly get us up to speed.

Since it is a business, appropriate attire is mandatory. Found an exceptional black suit (with vest) for $75 at TJMaxx and my cousin will loan me his "business" solid red tie. He's going to teach me something called a "Windsor" knot this afternoon.

Credit card is getting close to the limit, but it's all TOTALLY worth it!

Keep praying for me Brothers and Sisters!

Yours in Christ!

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

I wish you well Brother Rubicon. I had a similar experience to yourself and then found out I was expected to sell "white powder" and I asked them what it was for. Like .. were you supposed to snort it up your left nostril with a rolled 100 dollar bill in a sleazy nightclub toilet? They assured me that it was some kinda concentrated laundry detergent and that it was the American Way. But Daddy was not convinced as there was no Australian Way equivalent white powder product and we did not pursue the business venture.

Thank you Sister! I'm surprised that a Christian woman would know anything about such sinful activities, but I trust this is just a rote reaction from your wicked past?

Yours in Christ!

[Levi Jones]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

Brother Tannor,


But this will all change after this weekend. I was specially selected to attend a motivational function at the Holiday Inn at Tulsa! The ticket was only $800 and I can get there by Greyhound for only $100, round trip. I'm promised that we'll hear from all the "winners" who have the motivational skills and experience to quickly get us up to speed.

I bet they don't let just anyone attend those meetings. I mean, you were specially selected by a world-wide global corporation. I know if a world-wide global corporation tells me how special I am. I'm going to leap at the opportunity no matter the cost.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

Praise Jesus, Brother Rubicon! This just goes to show that the Lord will bless his believers with earthly riches. Why do you think I have millions? Because I'm a Godly man, that's why. And I know your fortune is just around the corner, brother. You sound like a very savvy, intelligent individual. You're a smart man who saw a golden opportunity and leaped for it.

Now some of those "naysayers" as you like to call them, would probably cry out that you just got scammed into a "get-rich-quick scheme". Nothing could be further than the truth. You've simply wisely invested into an "rapid-income-growth program".

Now, as you know, I've been in the public eye for decades so I know how to work with people. I'm also in the business of raising funds for our glorious church, so I am a consummate professional when it comes to getting money from otherwise reluctant people.

I normally don't do this, but hey -- you're special! You're intelligent! I can see you going really, really far. Which is why I am offering you my help. I can act as a personal business advisor and spiritual counseler for a mere 20% of every sale. I can teach you the tricks of the trade. I can show you how to get anyone, even a greedy Jew, to donate. I can show you how to sell ice to an eskimo.

I guarantee you will increase your sales at least 50% with my assistance. But you have to act now, as my time is limited.

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

I bet they don't let just anyone attend those meetings. I mean, you were specially selected by a world-wide global corporation. I know if a world-wide global corporation tells me how special I am. I'm going to leap at the opportunity no matter the cost.

Praise Jesus they saw me fit to attend, being so new to the business and all!

There MIGHT be an opportunity for you to attend as well! It's supposed to be a secret, but I know they keep a few tickets in reserve.

All recruiting, business and personal matters MUST be cleared through my Godly upline first. But if he approves, can we get together in your living room tonight? I promise it will take no more than 6-7 hours to show you "The Plan"!

Thank you for your support Pastor!