Brother Mike’s status.

[Bobby-Joe]

For those of you who are not aware Brother Mike is right now in a coma in Mercy Hospital Medical Center in Des Moines (previous reports placed him in Bailey Memorial but he has been moved since then). While Brother Mike is stable he is not expected to recover and is on life support.

Last Saturday Brother Mike was shot while walking down Rout 27 near Cedar Falls Iowa. This appears to be part of these series of shootings across the state which Freehold residents will be aware off we are on a Burnt Umber Alert for. Witnesses say the shot came from passing Amish buggy driven by two eight year girls We suspect the Amish have gone on a state wide rampage, possible in revenge for Brother Robert’s recent Soul Saving mishap in Pennsylvania. As the Pastors explained at Sunday Worship we feel no one in Freehold is any danger but residents are reminded to lock and duct tape their doors and windows at night and to be wary of any horse driven traffic.

This situation has been made more tragic because Brother Mike’s doctors want to pull the plug on Brother Mike. They claim that only the machines are keeping him alive. Clearly this is another blood thirsty medical murder. Frankly I think it is sick the government will dump thousands into welfare for worthless sinners so they can spew out babies to keep abortion clinics open but begrudge a TRUE Christian™ some help in his moment of need.

We are setting up a Brother Mike legal defense fund and will have information placed up in the Landover Intranet Website when it is ready.

[Talitha]

Re: Brother Mike’s status.

I think we should all say a Prayer for Brother Mikey.

[MoonFlower]

Re: Brother Mike’s status.

I just wish I had been there to beat the living crap out of these little Amish terrorists-in-training!

Moon

[Talitha]

Re: Brother Mike’s status.

I just wish I had been there to beat the living crap out of these little Amish terrorists-in-training!

Moon

Is that any way for a Wiccan to speak out?
You should be Praying for his Soul.

He was after all your beau.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Brother Mike’s status.

I hope JESUS doesn't tell him he was gunned down by two 8 year old girls when he gets to HEAVEN. He will be mortified.

Poor Brother Mike.

Sad, Sister Thumper

[Brother Wilfred Ernest]

Re: Brother Mike’s status.

This is so sad. I was just talking with Brother Mike recently. I always get a little nervous when the amwhich trot by in one of their buggies. I swear one time a little aimish girl made an upside down gun hand motion at me like some negroid gangster in Harlem.

[MoonFlower]

Re: Brother Mike’s status.

Is that any way for a Wiccan to speak out?

No......but no one messes with Moonie or her man!

You should be Praying for his Soul.

I'm not worried about his soul. I know he's gonna be ok. Even if he passes on, he'll be welcome into heaven.

He was after all your beau.

WAS my beau. Now all I'm left with is dreams of BJ in fatigues giving me a ride on his white stallion.

Moon

[Fish (On Moderation)]

Re: Brother Mike’s status.

I didn't know the Amish carried guns...

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Re: Brother Mike’s status.

I didn't know the Amish carried guns...

You didn't know something? What a huge surprise.

[Witch Hammer]

Re: Brother Mike’s status.

This is horrible news! Brother Mike and I were planning a homer hunting expedition to bring back live specimens for Brother BAB's research laboratory just before the shooting...now that dream may never be realized, Brother Mike is irreplacable in this mission! I will keep him in my prayers. And as God is my witness, I will drive down to that hospital and go on a shooting rampage if I hear rumor that he is being molested by gay interns whilst in a persistant vegetative state. Brother Mike's relentless campaign against the forces of sodom is well known to all in our fellowship, and I can't imagine a worse thing happening to a nicer guy. Brother Bobby, will anyone from your armed security detail be holding vigil in BM's hospital room, to guard him from being violated by homers?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Brother Mike’s status.

Well I for one find this situation deeply troubling. When Brother Mike set off to stay in the woods for a few weeks, I expressed my misgivings, but that was because I was concerned about him "going native" on us, possibly being poisoned with demonic mushrooms or force-fed lichen by witches, possibly being tempted into homersexural orgies with that filthy band of hippies that lurk in our forests....But now this news is truly upsetting.

Brother BJ, I hope you'll organize a posse to hunt down and punish each and every hateful Amway cult member. These Amwish cannot be permitted to grow or thrive anywhere near Landover, I don't care how young they are. Think of our property values!

As for Brother Mike, I hope and pray that proper arrangements have been made to transfer the contents of his bank accounts and stock assets to the church offshore accounts, as he no doubt would have wanted. I'll arrange for our usual Estate Liquidation team of Dewey, Cheatem and Howe to sell off all of Brother Mike's possessions. He obviously won't be needing them anymore. Whatever doesn't sell we'll use as kindling at the upcoming book burning. I don't believe in being wasteful.

[Witch Hammer]

Re: Brother Mike’s status.

UPDATE:

This sketch, based on an eye witness description of one of the bonnet wearing whoores who gunned our dear Brother down like a dog in the street, is already beginning to circulate around the internet. Suspect is considered armed and extremely dangerous, and should be shot on sight.

[lilith]

Re: Brother Mike’s status.

No......but no one messes with Moonie or her man!



I'm not worried about his soul. I know he's gonna be ok. Even if he passes on, he'll be welcome into heaven.



WAS my beau. Now all I'm left with is dreams of BJ in fatigues giving me a ride on his white stallion.

Moon

Um...Moon sweetie? Those are nightmares,dear.

Oh the shame - poor brother Mike....taken out by two little girls.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Brother Mike’s status.

This is horrible news! Brother Mike and I were planning a homer hunting expedition to bring back live specimens for Brother BAB's research laboratory just before the shooting...now that dream may never be realized, Brother Mike is irreplacable in this mission! I will keep him in my prayers. And as God is my witness, I will drive down to that hospital and go on a shooting rampage if I hear rumor that he is being molested by gay interns whilst in a persistant vegetative state. Brother Mike's relentless campaign against the forces of sodom is well known to all in our fellowship, and I can't imagine a worse thing happening to a nicer guy. Brother Bobby, will anyone from your armed security detail be holding vigil in BM's hospital room, to guard him from being violated by homers?

We're trying but the cursed secular authorities won't let us in. Des Moines is such a cess pit of liberalism. As it is, thank God Brother signed the standard legal forms so the Pastor's can talk for him. Brother Mike's own family wants to pull the plug and murder him!

[Enobarbus]

Re: Brother Mike’s status.

I just wish I had been there to beat the living crap out of these little Amish terrorists-in-training!

Moon

Moonflower, I'm not sure if I should say this, you being unsaved trash and a wickaden, but if you are really interested in doing the Lord's work, could you get a few friends together and thrash the living daylights out of the insufferably boring and idiotic character Fish?

For the good of his soul, of course. Bobby Joe and the security detail have their hands full at the moment with some other people who have been mocking the Lord, and Fish doesn't warrant the attention of anyone important. But if you would care to attempt to knock some sense into him...