How can we get young people to become republicans?

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

From a republican strategy memo:

We have a very serious problem in the GOP dealing with the youth vote. I am afraid that we are in danger of losing an entire generation. If the Republican Party does not address this issue we are going to be a minority party for many, many years. They are an entirely new generation where there has been great societal changes that reflect the way they think. This is a generation who has been so coddled they weren’t even allowed to ride down the sidewalk in their tricycle without a helmet. They are fragile, sensitive, and think that the world revolves around them.

As a student of history, I realize this is nothing new. What is new is the way this new generation of voters has been cocooned. They weren’t allowed to play on a swing without having anti-bacterial hand sanitizer squirted on their little fingers before being handed a ‘heart healthy’ snack. They must sit in booster seats in the back of a car until they are a certain height because the front air bags designed for further protection can be lethal. Are their back-packs too heavy? They can’t play tag or dodge ball. And the ages old tried and true grading system may hurt their self-esteem...

We need to face the fact that we are dealing with a younger generation of voter who is not as well educated as were previous generations, simply because of the pathetic educational system we now have. They are what I call 2nd Generation Day Care. As a rule they have no table manners. They are selfish and self-righteous...They need rules and regulations. (What they really need is the Draft...

So then, what can we as parents to to turn this generation of uneducated, egotistical, belching pansies into respectable republicans? I'm certain John McCain, in order to keep his promise to stay in Iraq for 100 years, and start a war with Iran, will have to bring back the draft.

So the return of the draft will help. Bit what else can we do to get these fart-happy little pampered princesses to vote republican?

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: How can we get young people to become republicans?

It’s an interesting question Jeb and I’ve while doing security I have listen to debates about this issue among our pastors and various GOP officials.

The current generation is really a bunch of worthless, self indulgent sissies who aren’t fit to call themselves men so how do we get these near homers to respect us and our values? The young people present an important challenge to such projects as Iraq with their sheer limp wristed worthlessness. Heavens, can you really see them going threw a Cold War like our generation did under Regan in the ‘80s? How do we inspire these brats who aren’t fit to look GW Bush or Robert Novak in the face to be the young warriors America needs?

I’m perplexed as the rest of you.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: How can we get young people to become republicans?

Well as you both know, my position has always been that the only way to create a new generation of patriotic young Americans is to start more wars around the globe. We need to put these kids out in the field sending unsaved scum to hell in Jesus' name. More hand-to-hand combat will awaken their loyalty for the GOP; those high-tech weapons systems just make our soldiers fat and lazy.

Let's set a few thousand Marines loose on the Godless gooks in North Korea. Let's unleash our Godly wrath on the People's Republic of Canada; we can use their delicious glaciers for hand hewn ice cubes in our Bourbon. Why not send the Japs to hell where they belong? GWB went in and finished the war that his daddy dropped the ball on, I say it's high time we finished up WW2 and display the demon emperor of Japan's head on a pike in Tokyo.

The only way to make all this happen is to elect officials who will repeal that limp-wristed U.S. Constitution and enshrine the Holy KJV Bible as the law of the land! GLORY!!

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: How can we get young people to become republicans?

I have decided that the best way to figure out how to get young voters is to study the masters. I am combing over the following speech:

Notes:

2:00: "I'd like to give a shout-out to..." I don't get it. Mitt Romney used gansta-rap terms like "bling-bling" yet he didn't get the youth vote....Why?

3:04: "There's a little bit of business we've got to do" - a typical black pick-up line. So he seduces them.

4:47: "We want you to grab your cousin, and your uncle, and your niece and your nephew..." Yes, blacks are big on incest. "Who's your daddy?" Disgusting.

10:40: He's pandering to the cripples again.

11:25 He's wearing JEWELERY! He goes right ahead and shows them all! That's called CROSS-DRESSING and it's a SIN!

24:24: "Give every child be best education..." We already have that. It's called the Bible. This speech is just making less and less sense!

6:30: He says to young people "We want you to participate in community service"... Obviously he's speaking in code for "I want to you commit crimes, and when you're caught I'll let you off with easy sentences like community service".

6:35: "work in a homeless shelter" - read: "I want you to become a lazy homeless bum".

8:25: Look slightly up and to the left. Chubby girl, blue dress. Is that his Monica Lewisky? Boing boing boing. Nasty. Talking about shiney cars while a big-boob girl bounces up and down in the background. Folks, it's the first rap-video campaign for president. Let's make it the last!

19:44: "They say if you talk about hope you're fuzzy-headed". Playing the race card, I see.

21:20: "Turn off the Television set" Wow, finally he's said something good. I hope lots of people took his advice at this point.

21:21: "Put away the video games". PLAGERISM! That's OUR issue! OUR ISSUE!

(Work in progress, please help.)

[Trent Harvey, Jr.]

Re: How can we get young people to become republicans?

Trying to understand how my generation ticks? I salute your courage, sir. I'm 27 and I don't have a CLUE what's with my generation.

I'll tell you this: just the draft alone won't be enough to snap these kids out of their infantile delusions. They need real combat. It wasn't boot camp that made the greatest generation what it was: it was Iowa Beach and Iwo Jima!

Vote John McCain to turn a generation of boys into MEN!

[Dr. Laurie PHD]

Re: How can we get young people to become republicans?

Well, this is all well and good for helping the boys grow up, but what about the new generation of girls?

This generation of girls are so spoiled they start screaming for their lawyers after one little pat on the bottom from their boss. Pathetic. Why, one of my earliest memories as a little girl was a mother teaching me that if a man is going to rape you, the smartest thing to do is to just lay back and enjoy it. How many girls are learning such traditional values today?

[Krlomg]

Re: How can we get young people to become republicans?

Well, this is all well and good for helping the boys grow up, but what about the new generation of girls?

This generation of girls are so spoiled they start screaming for their lawyers after one little pat on the bottom from their boss. Pathetic. Why, one of my earliest memories as a little girl was a mother teaching me that if a man is going to rape you, the smartest thing to do is to just lay back and enjoy it. How many girls are learning such traditional values today?

Want to know why? Because girls actually have SELF RESPECT now days, they don't let themselves get dominated by man, unlike you and every other girl here who's foolish enough to get dominated freely, people like you are what defame women all around the world.


P.S. Republicans? Not in this world please, another republican up in the oval office and this country is surely doomed.

[Dr. Laurie PHD]

Re: How can we get young people to become republicans?

Want to know why? Because girls actually have SELF RESPECT now days, they don't let themselves get dominated by man, unlike you and every other girl here who's foolish enough to get dominated freely, people like you are what defame women all around the world.

Self-respect? The only respect that matters is GOD-respect, and the best way to do that is to respect GOD'S PLAN FOR THE FAMILY.

God has a plan for society, in which each and every person has their own special place, perfectly planned for them by a loving God, but you ultra-liberal radical egalitarians want to spit in God's face by messing with His divine plan.

Of COURSE I'm dominated by a man, and that man is GOD!

[Brother Temperance]

Re: How can we get young people to become republicans?

Self-respect? The only respect that matters is GOD-respect, and the best way to do that is to respect GOD'S PLAN FOR THE FAMILY.

Praise Jesus! Where is self-respect mentioned in the Bible?

[H. Montague Worthington]

Re: How can we get young people to become republicans?

The Demoncrats have used punk rock music videos to indoctrinate young people into the LIEberal deathstyle. Just take a look at this insideous video from Hillary Clinton meant to seduce young Americans hipsters into her cult of death and evil....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FvyGydc8no

Disgusting!!

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Re: How can we get young people to become republicans?

Well, this is all well and good for helping the boys grow up, but what about the new generation of girls?

This generation of girls are so spoiled they start screaming for their lawyers after one little pat on the bottom from their boss. Pathetic. Why, one of my earliest memories as a little girl was a mother teaching me that if a man is going to rape you, the smartest thing to do is to just lay back and enjoy it. How many girls are learning such traditional values today?

Dear Sister, it's so good to have you back with us, sharing your advice based on Christian compassion. But of course, if a man is going to rape a girl who is betrothed, and she's within city limits, she should make as much of a racket as possible:

Deuteronomy 22:23-24: If a damsel [that is] a virgin be betrothed unto an husband, and a man find her in the city, and lie with her; Then ye shall bring them both out unto the gate of that city, and ye shall stone them with stones that they die; the damsel, because she cried not, [being] in the city; and the man, because he hath humbled his neighbour's wife: so thou shalt put away evil from among you.

I suppose that in a densely populated but unincorporated suburb like Tysons Corner, this rule applies as well. We should definitely err on the side of caution and stone them both to death, so that we can be sure that we are putting away evil whenever God wants us to do so.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: How can we get young people to become republicans?

The Demoncrats have used punk rock music videos to indoctrinate young people into the LIEberal deathstyle. Just take a look at this insideous video from Hillary Clinton meant to seduce young Americans hipsters into her cult of death and evil....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FvyGydc8no

Disgusting!!

Shocking. Is that Napalm Death or Extinction of Mankind?

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: How can we get young people to become republicans?

I've given this some more thought. The problem is that even the army and marines have become "don't ask, don't tell" havens of sissydom (which the Navy has always been). I mean, we've been in Iraq for 5 years now, and only about a million Iraqis have been pacified. They're probably breeding more Iraqis faster than that!

I think the proper place to turn boys into men is the Air Force. Check out their new slogan, which makes a veiled reference to an earlier pro-manhood, anti-homosexual movement:

Air force: Above All.

Translated to German, that's LUFTWAFFE UBER ALLES!

The only way the army and marines can catch up would be to have beltbuckles that say "God is with us".

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: How can we get young people to become republicans?

It's important to get the truth out to the football captains and head cheerleaders in America's schools that being a Demoncrat is "so gay" (don't bother explaining to them that there is nothing gay and happy about the sodomite deathstyle, they can learn that once they become Young Republicans).
In fact, I think it may be time to take our better looking youngsters out of homeschool and send them to secular schools for the first time to help spread the word. I know, I see the concern here too, but if they were taught right, they will be able to withstand the onslaught of the shrillest, foaming at the mouth EVILutionists. They don't even have to be there that long. Just long enough to plant the seeds of truth.
I've done some research and was able to prepare some phrases for them to use in conversation.

• Yo, dude. My cousin voted for Osama Barack. That's so gay.
• What's up, homes? You hear about Hellary Clinton? It would be so gay to vote for her.
• That shirt that the chess club captain is wearing is so gay. You know what else is gay? Demoncrats.
• I would really like to go on a chaperoned date with [insert cheerleader name here]. What? An unchaperoned date? That would be so gay. As gay as the Demoncrat party.

Before you know it, Karl Rove's dream of a permanent Republican majority will be reality!

[One-eyed Jack]

Re: How can we get young people to become republicans?

This is perhaps the most crucial question facing America today. We were warned in the 1980s that we must raise up a generation of Christian warriors, of young people unafraid to stomp on the serpent's-head of secularism. But -- for whatever reason -- the upcoming generation is not that generation of Jesus warriors.

We might try Republican Brand Video Games. A player would start out as a humble warrior slaughtering ghoul-like communists and socialists -- that is to say, Democrats with the horrible visages of Ted Kennedy and Robert Byrd -- and work his way up to become a Republican Archangel with +100 lethality and a Sword of Invincible Dominion.

Sister Mary Maria has some good ideas. We might flood youth hot-spots like YouTube and Facebook and MySpace with way-dank videos and profiles of uber-cool Republican young people. No one needs to know that they're fictional creations of the GOPPO -- the Grand Old Party Propaganda Organization.

I will tell you what doesn't work: telling them that they'll be fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan for the next 100 years. Would somebody tell John McCain to just SHUT UP ABOUT THAT until after the election?

~~ OEJ