After the raging successes of RibFest, SausageFest, and CornCon this year, I'm filled with anticipation for the best Witch Hunt ever!
I just wish it weren't six whole weeks away . . . But then again, my congregation gets a bit testy with me away so much at these "conferences".
I've noticed that, with the rise of "nones" in American society (those who reject all religions, not just Jesus), we are seeing a decline in self-proclaimed "witches". So, it's my recommendation that we expand the definition of "witch" for purposes of the hunt to include:
Bobby-Joe, please send me three Witch Transport Crates. I've readied the dungeon and am about to begin luring witches with My Chemical Romance music and tranquilizer-laced Twinkies.
I just wish it weren't six whole weeks away . . . But then again, my congregation gets a bit testy with me away so much at these "conferences".
I've noticed that, with the rise of "nones" in American society (those who reject all religions, not just Jesus), we are seeing a decline in self-proclaimed "witches". So, it's my recommendation that we expand the definition of "witch" for purposes of the hunt to include:
- Witches (such as Wiccans and pagans): They're witches by definition
- Mediums/Psychics/Tarot Readers: Talking to the dead is necromancy
- My Chemical Romance fans/Emos: Satan-loving freaks
- Theosophists: Because "Blavatsky" sounds blasphemous
- Homeopathists: They believe that water has memories and that ritual counting makes healing power
- Chiropractors: They believe that "life force" needs to be adjusted
- Acupuncturists: See Chiropractors
Bobby-Joe, please send me three Witch Transport Crates. I've readied the dungeon and am about to begin luring witches with My Chemical Romance music and tranquilizer-laced Twinkies.
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