Why come Kwistians don't like dogs?

[Five Year Old Girl]

Um, thuh other day, I heard a man say he din't like dog, an' like he was a Christian, but not all about dogs.

But I thought Kwistians were aposed ta' like doggies.

That nice guy hadda dog. It says you gotta believe in Jeevus an' like a Holy three-guy thingy, an' all that stuff.

Funny doggie talks about Jeevus!

An' then thuh Postle guy hadda dog. An' it was a bad pilot.

Silly Postle, doggies aren't aposta be pilots. No wonder he made Jeevus cry.

Anyways, aren't Kwistians aposed ta' love doggies?

Why come they say they don't like doggies?

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Why come Kwistians don't like dogs?

Dogs are annoying. They make a lot of noise and they taste horrible. All they are good for is target practice.

[Five Year Old Girl]

Re: Why come Kwistians don't like dogs?

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!

(Sob!)

[James Hutchins]

Re: Why come Kwistians don't like dogs?

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!

(Sob!)

Do not cry, God does not like it when you cry. It makes Him angry and He will take it out on Grandma.

Look at these cute animals.

[Five Year Old Girl]

Re: Why come Kwistians don't like dogs?

(Sniff!)

I wanna bunny rabbit.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Why come Kwistians don't like dogs?

(Sniff!)

I wanna bunny rabbit.

I think this one is still nearyby, I think he sleeping so you have to be very quiet, Ok?

[Five Year Old Girl]

Re: Why come Kwistians don't like dogs?

That's a bad bunny rabbit. I fink he musta said no ta' thuh doggies. You gotta say yes ta' thuh doggies or Jeevus will make you be a pizza ina road.

[Pastor William Nathaniel Sampson]

Re: Why come Kwistians don't like dogs?

Brother Heathen Basher made an excellent sermon on why God hates dogs.

I'll give you the scriptural highlights of it.


Exodus 11:7
But against any of the children of Israel shall not a dog move his tongue, against man or beast: that ye may know how that the LORD doth put a difference between the Egyptians and Israel. (dogs wanted to attack the Israelites but God did not allow it)

Exodus 22:31
And ye shall be holy men unto me: neither shall ye eat any flesh that is torn of beasts in the field; ye shall cast it to the dogs.
(dogs eat unholy meat!)

Deuteronomy 23:18
Thou shalt not bring the hire of a whore, or the price of a dog, into the house of the LORD thy God for any vow: for even both these are abomination unto the LORD thy God.
(God uses the word dog to describe sodomites - the most evil of evils!)

1 Samuel 17:43
And the Philistine said unto David, Am I a dog, that thou comest to me with staves? And the Philistine cursed David by his gods.
(God's prophet King David believes dogs should be attacked with staves)

2 Samuel 3:8
Then was Abner very wroth for the words of Ishbosheth, and said, Am I a dog's head, which against Judah do shew kindness this day unto the house of Saul thy father, to his brethren, and to his friends, and have not delivered thee into the hand of David, that thou chargest me to day with a fault concerning this woman?(dog's heads are evil)

Psalm 22:16
For dogs have compassed me: the assembly of the wicked have inclosed me: they pierced my hands and my feet.
(dogs are part of the assembly of the wicked and they killed Jesus!)

Psalm 22:20
Deliver my soul from the sword; my darling from the power of the dog. (a prayer to be saved from dogs)

Proverbs 26:11
As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly. (dogs are like fools aka atheists)

Isaiah 56:10
His watchmen are blind: they are all ignorant, they are all dumb dogs, they cannot bark; sleeping, lying down, loving to slumber. (dogs are dumb and lazy)

Isaiah 56:11
Yea, they are greedy dogs which can never have enough, and they are shepherds that cannot understand: they all look to their own way, every one for his gain, from his quarter. (dogs are greedy and selfish)

Matthew 7:6
Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.

Matthew 15:26
But he answered and said, It is not meet to take the children's bread, and to cast it to dogs.

Philippians 3:2
Beware of dogs, beware of evil workers, beware of the concision.

Revelation 22:15
For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

[Didymus Much]

Re: Why come Kwistians don't like dogs?

(Sniff!)

I wanna bunny rabbit.

Oh, honey, now don't cry. Here's a nice bunny for you to play with:

[Didymus Much]

Re: Why come Kwistians don't like dogs?

And here's a nice happy bunny playing with his friend the rooster!

[Five Year Old Girl]

Re: Why come Kwistians don't like dogs?

Funny rabbit. He musta said no ta' the dog-mom. Now he's a funny-happy rabbit.