Hatchet's World History Tour: Random Important Dates and Facts

[Old Man Hatchet]

80 A.D.



The Colosseum, an enormous amphitheater capable of seating 50,000 spectators, is completed in Rome. Vendors immediately begin selling giant "We're Roman Numeral One" foam hands, and the world's first fly ball is caught by a lucky fan when a gladiator is brutally castrated during hand-to-hand combat.



1543



Copernicus puts forward the notion that the Earth is not the center of the universe. Upon hearing the news, the Earth has a fit and throws a bottle of Perrier at an assistant.



1903



The first successful manned aircraft takes off in Kitty Hawk, North Carolina. The Wright Brothers encounter many difficulties on their first flight: the plane's pitch is unstable, Wilbur is forced to check his carry-on after an angry exchange with a stewardess, and the in-flight movie is the atrocious rom-com 27 Dresses starring Katherine Heigl.




1 AD*



Jesus Christ is born. The delivery is done via C-section so the Son of God is not besmirched by a vagina, even one as lemony fresh as Mary's.




1455



Johannes Gutenberg’s invention of movable type allows mass-market book production to be possible. Many credit Gutenberg for making knowledge obtainable regardless of social stratum. Others fault him for the eventual publication of Touch Me: The Poems of Suzanne Somers.






1920



The 19th Amendment to the Constitution is ratified, granting women the right to vote. This right is not fully realized until 82 years later when Fox begins airing American Idol.



1611



The King James Version of the Bible is completed. There are crucial differences from earlier translations: black letter typeface is used instead of roman typeface, and at one point the word "glory" is replaced with "rejoice." These major changes ensure that anyone who reads any other version of the Bible will burn in hell for all of eternity.



34 AD



Jesus Christ suffers and dies for the forgiveness of all sins, which personally comes in handy when I go through an experimental phase in college.




*There is some argument about when Jesus was born. Some say He was born in 4 or 5 BC. Think about it. How could Christ be born in a time before Christ? That makes absolutely no sense. Plus God is on my speed dial, so I think I would know.

[Old Man Hatchet]

Re: Hatchet's World History Tour: Random Important Dates and Fact

1088



The first university is founded in Bologna, Italy. The university soon sees its share of Animal House antics, such as panty raids, beer chugging, toga parties, projectile vomiting, food fights, and lighthearted date rape.

"Where are they now?" epilogue of University of Bologna's first graduates:

• Geoffrey of Wykeham died of the plague.
• Thomas the Brave was killed in the first Crusade.
• Lord Baldor was excommunicated from the Church and was never heard from again.
• Gregory the Monk died of leprosy.
• William of Tyre became a successful gynecologist in Beverly Hills.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Hatchet's World History Tour: Random Important Dates and Fact

Pretty amazing stuff as always Brother Hatchet. It does bring us back to the troubling question of Touch Me: The Poems of Suzanne Somers. While the damage has been done to society, will God forgive human it?

[Old Man Hatchet]

Re: Hatchet's World History Tour: Random Important Dates and Fact

Pretty amazing stuff as always Brother Hatchet. It does bring us back to the troubling question of Touch Me: The Poems of Suzanne Somers. While the damage has been done to society, will God forgive human it?

When you throw in Three's Company and the utterly obscene Thighmaster, I think the damage is irreparable.

[Jo Freddie]

Re: Hatchet's World History Tour: Random Important Dates and Fact

1 AD*



Jesus Christ is born. The delivery is done via C-section so the Son of God is not besmirched by a vagina, even one as lemony fresh as Mary's.

Herod died shortly after an eclipse of the moon, but prior to Passover This is an extremely important bit of information, because astronomers today know that there were eclipses of the moon on the following dates:

A total eclipse on March 23rd, 5 BC at 8.52 pm.
A partial eclipse on March 13th, 4 BC at 4.04 am.
A total eclipse on January 10th, 1 BC at 1.35 am.

Historians have determined, on this and other evidence, that King Herod apparently died in the Spring of what we now call 4 B.C.

Then Herod, when he saw that he was mocked of the wise men, was exceeding wroth, and sent forth, and slew all the children that were in Bethlehem, and in all the coasts thereof, from two years old and under, according to the time which he had diligently enquired of the wise men.

This would suggest that Jesus was born in either 5 or 6 B.C., as Herod set an upper age limit of 2 years for the infants to be slain. So, on this evidence alone, the current method of numbering the years since the birth of Jesus is in error by at least 4 years, and perhaps as much as 5 years.

[Old Man Hatchet]

Re: Hatchet's World History Tour: Random Important Dates and Fact

Blah blah blah.

Apparently you failed to read this bit in my original post:

There is some argument about when Jesus was born. Some say He was born in 4 or 5 BC. Think about it. How could Christ be born in a time before Christ? That makes absolutely no sense. Plus God is on my speed dial, so I think I would know.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Hatchet's World History Tour: Random Important Dates and Fact

When you throw in Three's Company and the utterly obscene Thighmaster, I think the damage is irreparable.

Thighmasters, yes....

I am amazed that God just didn't burn the surface of the planet to a crisp when that came out Brother Hatchet. Further proof that Christ's love is unconditional if The Good Lord is willing to tolerate Susan Summers.

You would think She's the Sheriff would have at least earned California a 9.0. The sight of a woman dressed as a cheesy BDSM fantasy while accompanied by cheesy, formulaic comedy has to have curled the hairs in our Lord's beard. We can only thank God He chose to spare humanity for the sins of a few and Satan has a special lava poll in Hell for the cast and crew of She's the Sheriff. however that was close.

[Jo Freddie]

Re: Hatchet's World History Tour: Random Important Dates and Fact

Apparently you failed to read this bit in my original post:

Your footnote does not stand up Hatchy

Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet
There is some argument about when Jesus was born. Some say He was born in 4 or 5 BC. Think about it. How could Christ be born in a time before Christ? That makes absolutely no sense. Plus God is on my speed dial, so I think I would know.

A) Your special book says Herod was about, and not happy about it, at the time of Jesus's mythical birth.
B) History records when Herod kicked the bucket when looked at in relation to the modern calender.

Now while I maintain that your book is a collection of fairy tales, in this instance I an not criticizing it, my criticism is of those who set up the modern calender that we use today.

[Old Man Hatchet]

Re: Hatchet's World History Tour: Random Important Dates and Fact

Your footnote does not stand up Hatchy

I strongly resent your suggestion that any of the information I've supplied is inaccurate. I've only been wrong once in my life, and that was when I mistakenly believed I had made an error. So I've only been wrong about my ability to be wrong. You owe me an apology.

[Jo Freddie]

Re: Hatchet's World History Tour: Random Important Dates and Fact

I strongly resent your suggestion that any of the information I've supplied is inaccurate. I've only been wrong once in my life, and that was when I mistakenly believed I had made an error. So I've only been wrong about my ability to be wrong. You owe me an apology..

Hatchy, I hate to break it to you , but if you believe I am going to give you an apology, which as you say you are waiting for one shows you do, then you are WRONG! So there you are, you can add this to the list of occasions that you KNOW you are wrong.

[Old Man Hatchet]

Re: Hatchet's World History Tour: Random Important Dates and Fact

Hatchy, I hate to break it to you , but if you believe I am going to give you an apology, which as you say you are waiting for one shows you do, then you are WRONG! So there you are, you can add this to the list of occasions that you KNOW you are wrong.

That's close enough. I accept your apology.

[Jo Freddie]

Re: Hatchet's World History Tour: Random Important Dates and Fact

[ATTACH]13969[/ATTACH]

The first recorded successful manned aircraft flight was made in a hot air balloon built by the Montgolfier brothers on November 21, 1783.

Now if you had said "The first successful manned heaver then air aircraft" you would have been correct, but to state it was the first manned aircraft is WRONG!

[Jo Freddie]

Re: Hatchet's World History Tour: Random Important Dates and Fact

That's close enough. I accept your apology.

None given Hatchy, my you are on a role today.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Hatchet's World History Tour: Random Important Dates and Fact

None given Hatchy, my you are on a role today.

Jo,

Don't be petty. Stick your apology like a man.

[Jo Freddie]

Re: Hatchet's World History Tour: Random Important Dates and Fact

Jo,

Don't be petty. Stick your apology like a man.

When I apologise I stick by it, when I don't I can't. In this case I clearly have not so nothing to stick to.