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  • Sinners in my oil?

    Since oil was created by all the bodies of the animals, dinosaurs, and unrepentant sinners during that time Noah and his family sailed in the Ark, does that explain why my car is leaking oil? Is it because the unrepentant sin from the ancient gays is infecting the oil in my car? I'm not a mechanic and I'm not sure just how demons or evil spirits interact with machinery, so I'm not very sure about how all that works.
    Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.


  • #2
    You're a woman, so you're not supposed to understand cars.

    But even a broken clock is right twice a day, so yes, ancient gays are to blame for your car leaking oil.

    Just pray to Jesus to fix your car, and you should be fine.​

    Matthew 21:22 "And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive."
    5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
    To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
    James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."

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    • #3
      Originally posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
      Since oil was created by all the bodies of the animals, dinosaurs, and unrepentant sinners during that time Noah and his family sailed in the Ark, does that explain why my car is leaking oil? Is it because the unrepentant sin from the ancient gays is infecting the oil in my car? I'm not a mechanic and I'm not sure just how demons or evil spirits interact with machinery, so I'm not very sure about how all that works.
      While I know you to be one of Jesus' favored Christians, Sister Mary, I'm wondering is your engine's defect is punishment for Eve's Original Sin. I have not heard of any man who owns a car that leaks oil. It may not be due to current sins but punishment for the Original Sin.

      Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.

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      • #4
        Now, I know nothing about cars, dear Sister Mary; so, I am not the one to give advice here. Goodness; I can barely get the electric can opener to work properly. And, the other day, the whisk flew off my KitchenAid mixer! However, might the problem be that the oil is old? Perhaps you should speak to your husband and suggest that he get his oil changed?
        Click image for larger version  Name:	Isabella Signature Meadow Green.jpg Views:	0 Size:	14.2 KB ID:	2067594
        (Mrs.) Isabella White

        Hebrews 10:19 "Having therefore, brethren, boldness to enter into the holiest by the Blood of Jesus"

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Isabella White View Post
          . . . electric can opener . . .
          No such device will ever be found in my Christian home. Insofar as I eat canned food at all, which is never except the other week when my freezer packed up I did get in a supply of the stuff to be going on with, a bayonet attachment is perfectly fine, can't break and has never worn out since it was made. I am very wary of electric things.





          . . . a phenomenon which Sicilians have never faced before: a series of unexplained fires, arising in household appliances, even when the electricity is switched off. But as the village of Canneto di Caronia remained deserted yesterday amid claims that demonic spirits were to blame for the blazes, the hysteria had an all too familiar ring for one Scottish mother. In the 1980s, Carole Compton went on trial in Italy, branded a witch and a sorceress who used supernatural powers to start fires in the homes where she was employed as a nanny . . . Officials are now trying to discover if an electromagnetic disturbance, caused by a natural phenomenon, or a problem in the electrical supply network, is to blame. However, yesterday, fears were escalating that supernatural powers are at play.

          Father Gabriel Amorth, the Vatican’s chief expert on exorcisms, indicated that the Roman Catholic Church has not ruled out the possibility of demonic intervention.

          According to the Italian daily newspaper, Il Messagero, he said: "I’ve seen things like this before. Demons occupy a house and appear in electrical goods. Let’s not forget that Satan and his followers have immense powers."

          Rather than maintain their grid, the first thing the electricity people did was to disconnect the entire village. Next they looked for an electromagnetic disturbance. This being Sicily, one might expect involvement of a volcano. As you can see, however, they went with a different option. Who exactly cooked this stuff up I have no idea – but clearly it works on the local population keeping popes, cardinals and attendant exorcists in revolting luxury. Now they have their sights on America so it's as well to be aware of Vatican stooges in positions of authority. Their transparent scheme, although idiotic, can be very effective as rehearsed over many centuries. I doubt that Romish exorcisms do anything to improve matters; at best they'd do nothing but I'm not ticking that box either!

          I'm confident though that you will not be calling Rome to look at your can opener.

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          • #6
            Sister Mary, The automobile can be likened unto the parable of the ten virgins and the foolish ones’ difficulties with oil. In the parable, the faith in Christ can be likened unto a leaky sump gasket, or differential, or gearbox oil seal. (As a matter of faith, it does not matter which is leaking.)

            The oil that leaks is symbolic of faith that leaks – leaks but, in your case, in a good way. The greasy marks on your driveway are a sign for all to see that you have faith in abundance, yea, even unto excess. To me this is God’s sign that you are prepared for the immanent coming and wish to share hope of Life Everlasting with your neighbors and passers-by.

            The choice is yours, but you must not totally ignore the leak or you will find yourself bereft of faith, yet at the same time, you should share this gift with others. In short, take a trip to Wal-Mart and get yourself a gallon and check and top-up regularly, just as your spiritual reservoir is topped up at Landover.
            sigpic


            “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

            Author of such illuminating essays as,
            Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

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