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True Christian ™ Batting Practice
This is the first of a series of simple primers designed for three things:
Some of you were blessed to be born into a Baptist home and have attended Sunday school from the first day you were whelped. That kind of indoctrination is unmatched; it is the envy of every Madras in the Muslim world and the biggest nightmare for any Humanist in the secular world. The goal here is to reproduce a little of that for our newer True Christians ™.
The first lesson is about attitude, so we will pick an easy subject. Here are the three keys:
OK lesson one, The Ark.
This one is easy, because monkey worshiping sheep walk into all of the time. The subject of Noah’s ark comes up. Invariably, some idiot pipes up with a girly boy laugh: “that’s so stupid! There’s no way all those animals could fit in the Ark!”
Step one – start asking questions.
Q1) You: “Really? Tell me then, how many animals were there that wouldn’t fit, hmmm?”
Be firm. Make them answer. Do not answer for them, and don’t let them steer the question away. It was their objection, so make them responsible for the answer. Nine times out of ten they will give up and admit that they don’t know. If they give you a stupid answer like “millions”, then make them justify the answer (see below).
Q2) You: “So, we have an unknown number of animals. How big or small is the Ark that they won’t fit it, hmm?
Again, be firm and don’t let them squirm out. Demand an answer. Tell them you’ll accept cubic feet, or train car equivalents, or even football field equivalents. Again, nine times out of ten they will not have an answer. If they do give you an answer, demand a source (see below).
Step 2 – Destroy their argument.
This is the fun part. You have them at a serious disadvantage, because they have gone from cocky ("everyone KNOWS that the Flood is a joke and you are mindless Christian sheeple to believe it is true") to shocked ("oh crap -- how did this happen. Dude is a pro and I’m looking like an idiot"). So now you hammer it home.
You: “So let’s see here, according to you, you refuse to believe that an unknown number of animals are able to fit in a boat of unknown size. Is that correct? Because if it is (and that’s what it appears that you are saying) then it is pretty clear that your position requires a lot more “Faith” than mine. Everyone knows the Flood happen, but you are a Flood denier without one bit of data. Who is the mindless sheeple now?”
If he goes off with “scientists” or “text books” just reply that his high priests and holy books have it wrong, and he shouldn’t believe them with blind faith anyway. Because that would make him a hypocrite, right?
OK at this point the conversation is over. Please note that you needed very few facts. It was all attitude and confidence and taking the fight to them, and letting them hang themselves. Claim your well earned victory. And DO NOT be apologetic about it. Be as snarky and as condescending as possible, because unfortunately that is the only language that these godless heathen understand. Inside you’ll feel that grin building, because it feels good to win. So don’t be shy – let it show! People will see it, and they will want some of it, and that’s your perfect opportunity to lead them to Christ and to our forums for more information!
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Appendix A (to deal with the idiots that actually try to answer you).
1) Number of animals: Genesis 6:19. And of every living thing of all flesh you shall bring two of every sort into the ark, to keep them alive with you; they shall be male and female.
In the book Noah’s Ark: A Feasibility Study4, creationist researcher John Woodmorappe suggests that, at most, 16,000 animals were all that were needed to preserve the created kinds that God brought into the Ark. The Ark did not need to carry every kind of animal—nor did God command it. It carried only air-breathing, land-dwelling animals, creeping things, and winged animals such as birds. Aquatic life (fish, whales, etc.) and many amphibious creatures could have survived in sufficient numbers outside the Ark. This cuts down significantly the total number of animals that needed to be on board.
2) Size of the ark: Genesis 6:15. The length of the ark shall be three hundred cubits, its width fifty cubits, and its height thirty cubits
Unlike many whimsical drawings that depict the Ark as some kind of overgrown houseboat (with giraffes sticking out the top), the Ark described in the Bible was a huge vessel. Not until the late 1800s was a ship built that exceeded the capacity of Noah’s Ark.
The dimensions of the Ark are convincing for two reasons: the proportions are like that of a modern cargo ship, and it is about as large as a wooden ship can be built. The cubit gives us a good indication of size.1 With the cubit’s measurement, we know that the Ark must have been at least 450 feet (137 m) long, 75 feet (23 m) wide, and 45 feet (14 m) high. In the Western world, wooden sailing ships never got much longer than about 330 feet (100 m), yet the ancient Greeks built vessels at least this size 2,000 years earlier. China built huge wooden ships in the 1400s that may have been as large as the Ark. The biblical Ark is one of the largest wooden ships of all time—a mid-sized cargo ship by today’s standards.
1) It gets you “used” or comfortable to smacking down heathen scum. Knowledge is power, and power brings courage.
2) It gets you used to the idea that YOU are the one operating from reality, or the norm. Any position different from yours is the abnormal or “deviant” one.
3) It helps you develop a Godly confidence that some will call “arrogance”. Of course we are not prideful or arrogant, but Godly confidence can come across that way to heathen scum who lack any such foundation.
2) It gets you used to the idea that YOU are the one operating from reality, or the norm. Any position different from yours is the abnormal or “deviant” one.
3) It helps you develop a Godly confidence that some will call “arrogance”. Of course we are not prideful or arrogant, but Godly confidence can come across that way to heathen scum who lack any such foundation.
The first lesson is about attitude, so we will pick an easy subject. Here are the three keys:
1) ALWAYS control the conversation. You are the one asking the questions, not them. Do not let them turn the questions to you. If they refuse to answer your question, then claim your rightfully earned victory.
2) Destroy their argument. There is no need to “defend” ours since we are the norm. If they can’t offer a superior alternative to True Christianity ™, then they are just another cult.
3) If you can (and this takes practice), use their own “facts” to beat them down. It works along the lines of “what you are saying is garbage, but for the sake of discussion we can use your data”. This is an advanced technique and will be dwelt on later, but for now use it when you see an obvious opening.
2) Destroy their argument. There is no need to “defend” ours since we are the norm. If they can’t offer a superior alternative to True Christianity ™, then they are just another cult.
3) If you can (and this takes practice), use their own “facts” to beat them down. It works along the lines of “what you are saying is garbage, but for the sake of discussion we can use your data”. This is an advanced technique and will be dwelt on later, but for now use it when you see an obvious opening.
This one is easy, because monkey worshiping sheep walk into all of the time. The subject of Noah’s ark comes up. Invariably, some idiot pipes up with a girly boy laugh: “that’s so stupid! There’s no way all those animals could fit in the Ark!”
Step one – start asking questions.
Q1) You: “Really? Tell me then, how many animals were there that wouldn’t fit, hmmm?”
Be firm. Make them answer. Do not answer for them, and don’t let them steer the question away. It was their objection, so make them responsible for the answer. Nine times out of ten they will give up and admit that they don’t know. If they give you a stupid answer like “millions”, then make them justify the answer (see below).
Q2) You: “So, we have an unknown number of animals. How big or small is the Ark that they won’t fit it, hmm?
Again, be firm and don’t let them squirm out. Demand an answer. Tell them you’ll accept cubic feet, or train car equivalents, or even football field equivalents. Again, nine times out of ten they will not have an answer. If they do give you an answer, demand a source (see below).
Step 2 – Destroy their argument.
This is the fun part. You have them at a serious disadvantage, because they have gone from cocky ("everyone KNOWS that the Flood is a joke and you are mindless Christian sheeple to believe it is true") to shocked ("oh crap -- how did this happen. Dude is a pro and I’m looking like an idiot"). So now you hammer it home.
You: “So let’s see here, according to you, you refuse to believe that an unknown number of animals are able to fit in a boat of unknown size. Is that correct? Because if it is (and that’s what it appears that you are saying) then it is pretty clear that your position requires a lot more “Faith” than mine. Everyone knows the Flood happen, but you are a Flood denier without one bit of data. Who is the mindless sheeple now?”
If he goes off with “scientists” or “text books” just reply that his high priests and holy books have it wrong, and he shouldn’t believe them with blind faith anyway. Because that would make him a hypocrite, right?
OK at this point the conversation is over. Please note that you needed very few facts. It was all attitude and confidence and taking the fight to them, and letting them hang themselves. Claim your well earned victory. And DO NOT be apologetic about it. Be as snarky and as condescending as possible, because unfortunately that is the only language that these godless heathen understand. Inside you’ll feel that grin building, because it feels good to win. So don’t be shy – let it show! People will see it, and they will want some of it, and that’s your perfect opportunity to lead them to Christ and to our forums for more information!
================================================== =====
Appendix A (to deal with the idiots that actually try to answer you).
1) Number of animals: Genesis 6:19. And of every living thing of all flesh you shall bring two of every sort into the ark, to keep them alive with you; they shall be male and female.
In the book Noah’s Ark: A Feasibility Study4, creationist researcher John Woodmorappe suggests that, at most, 16,000 animals were all that were needed to preserve the created kinds that God brought into the Ark. The Ark did not need to carry every kind of animal—nor did God command it. It carried only air-breathing, land-dwelling animals, creeping things, and winged animals such as birds. Aquatic life (fish, whales, etc.) and many amphibious creatures could have survived in sufficient numbers outside the Ark. This cuts down significantly the total number of animals that needed to be on board.
2) Size of the ark: Genesis 6:15. The length of the ark shall be three hundred cubits, its width fifty cubits, and its height thirty cubits
Unlike many whimsical drawings that depict the Ark as some kind of overgrown houseboat (with giraffes sticking out the top), the Ark described in the Bible was a huge vessel. Not until the late 1800s was a ship built that exceeded the capacity of Noah’s Ark.
The dimensions of the Ark are convincing for two reasons: the proportions are like that of a modern cargo ship, and it is about as large as a wooden ship can be built. The cubit gives us a good indication of size.1 With the cubit’s measurement, we know that the Ark must have been at least 450 feet (137 m) long, 75 feet (23 m) wide, and 45 feet (14 m) high. In the Western world, wooden sailing ships never got much longer than about 330 feet (100 m), yet the ancient Greeks built vessels at least this size 2,000 years earlier. China built huge wooden ships in the 1400s that may have been as large as the Ark. The biblical Ark is one of the largest wooden ships of all time—a mid-sized cargo ship by today’s standards.
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