[Genisis]

Re: How can Noah's Arc be true?

I tried to explain the theory of noahs ark to my mentally retarded friend, and he called me a fucking idiot.

As if all the millions types of beetles, spiders, and ALL THE ANIMALS of the world would be in WALKING distance of one guy? LOL!

[Ryan Reed]

Re: How can Noah's Arc be true?

In another thread you claim to be Saved, and now you are coming in with this nonsense? You obviously do not know God at all.

There is plenty of evidence if you have faith and open your eyes. Take a look HERE, scoffer.

Now, if you are a monkey-worshiping evilutionist, then kindly answer THESE questions for me.

You are out of your mind if you think God instructed flying dinosaurs to bring penguins to Noah. Seriously, think about that for a second.

[Brother McGregor]

Re: How can Noah's Arc be true?

I'm confused guys! I've read the Biblical account of Noah's Arc, but how can it be possible? How could Noah have fit two of every creature on a wooden arc (The size of which is given in the Bible.) when there are an estimated 30 Million different species on Earth? Moreover, how could Noah have provided enough food for all 60 million odd animals (Two of every kind.) for 40 days and 40 nights? What's more is that if the Earth were to be completely covered in water the atmosphere would be so saturated with water vapor that cellular respiration by Oxygen, or CO2 breathing species, would be impossible! Also, where did all the water go? It would take many centures for water going higher than the peak of Everest to go away.... It really doesn't make much sense... I wanna go to Heaven though, so please help me to believe!

It doesn't have to make sense, scientists have already proven that the world masses were all under water at one time or other. The Rockies of British Columbia and Alberta have shellfish fossils and so do the Himalayas. Also since the population at the time of Noah was centred around the tigris river it would not have had to have been a world wide flood...just a flood of that area. It is believed that Noah came out of the area close to the Biblical Eden (the tigris river flowed out of Eden).
Forty days and forty nights is also a term of measurement and it seems consistent with other "long times". It may actually not have been that long at all. Scholars feel the forty days and nights literally translates as "quite a while".

[Duvenoy]

Re: How can Noah's Arc be true?

You are out of your mind if you think God instructed flying dinosaurs to bring penguins to Noah. Seriously, think about that for a second.

Hmm, yes. It is diffficult, isn't it? Microraptor gui ( pictured) would have been much too small to bear the weight of Noah's kids, even if they skipped breakfast (the kids, that is, not the dinosaurs).

The only explanation that I can come up with is that there were a few species of feathered dinosaurs that have yet to be discovered, and that were large & strong enough to do the job. Even the atheistic scientists admit that there is still a lot to learn about these creatures.

Concievably the remains of the giant, feathered dinos will never be found due to their great feathers becoming waterlogged and dragging them down into the deepest sediments of the Noachan Flood's abyss, to be lost forever. Or at least until the Rapture and then it won't matter.

doov

[Dr. Zaius]

Re: How can Noah's Arc be true?

If you shave the ball, you would end up with a mere scrap in the pocket and the rest on the pool-hall floor; is this not so?

What does shaving your balls have to do with the flood?

[Duvenoy]

Re: How can Noah's Arc be true?

What does shaving your balls have to do with the flood?

What? I don't recall saying that I shaved my balls. Indeed Jesus, as far as is known, never shaved his balls and he lived in a much warmer clime than I.

But if it'll help me meet some hot chicks after services, I might try it. Whaddya think?

doov

[Duvenoy]

Re: How can Noah's Arc be true?

What does shaving your balls have to do with the flood?

Nothing, actually.

The Bible, the final authority on everything, seems to have nothing to say about shaving the scrotum and as far as is known, Noah never shaved his so one must conclude that it's alright to do so if one wishes.

Seems like a lot of fuss & bother, though. Have you tried it? Has it helped you to meet hot Christian chicks after services?

doov

[One-eyed Jack]

Re: How can Noah's Arc be true?

Shaving was of some importance, Biblically.

And they shall come, and shall rest all of them in the desolate valleys, and in the holes of the rocks, and upon all thorns, and upon all bushes.

In the same day shall the Lord shave with a razor that is hired, namely, by them beyond the river, by the king of Assyria, the head, and the hair of the feet: and it shall also consume the beard. Isaiah 7:19,20

Why the Lord made the King of Assyria rent a razor instead of using the Assyrians own razors is debatable.

But to the point: we note that the hair of the head, feet, and beard was consumed but there is no mention of ballular shavage.

And in the Book of Jeremiah we find the following:

That there came certain from Shechem, from Shiloh, and from Samaria, even fourscore men, having their beards shaven, and their clothes rent, and having cut themselves, with offerings and incense in their hand, to bring them to the house of the LORD. Jeremiah 41:5

Here it is not the razor but the clothes which are rented. And the men have all cut themselves whilst shaving, which is surprising to me given the relative dullness of what I assume must have been bronze razors. I suppose they had a 5-day growth or something and really had to hack at it.

But again we find no mention of scrotal depiliation. On the other hand, what may we infer from the following:

For if the woman be not covered, let her also be shorn: but if it be a shame for a woman to be shorn or shaven, let her be covered. 1 Corinthians 11:6

Ladies, keep your clothes on; but if ye be not covered, shave it.

Yikes. I had not come across that teaching before. Truly, mighty is the Lord.

~~ OEJ

[Duvenoy]

Re: How can Noah's Arc be true?

One can only imagine what a Bronze Age bikini wax would be like.....

The very best razors of the day were probably obsidian or even Egyptian glass. It would be very difficult to work-harden bronze enough to take a proper razor-edge.

"Faith will ever show the way."

doov

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: How can Noah's Arc be true?

But again we find no mention of scrotal depiliation. On the other hand, what may we infer from the following:

For if the woman be not covered, let her also be shorn: but if it be a shame for a woman to be shorn or shaven, let her be covered. 1 Corinthians 11:6

Ladies, keep your clothes on; but if ye be not covered, shave it.

Yikes. I had not come across that teaching before. Truly, mighty is the Lord.

~~ OEJ

Godly point Brother One-Eyed. It sounds like we may have to revise the rules for the Landover's Friday Night Liturgical Women's Wrestling in light of this teaching.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: How can Noah's Arc be true?

Concievably the remains of the giant, feathered dinos will never be found due to their great feathers becoming waterlogged and dragging them down into the deepest sediments of the Noachan Flood's abyss, to be lost forever. Or at least until the Rapture and then it won't matter.

doov

Noachan? Please don't say you're one of these furry mangay freaks who's so brainwashed by Oriental agitprop tentacle porn that you feel the need to stick -chan on the end of everyone's name?

[One-eyed Jack]

Re: How can Noah's Arc be true?

Duvenoy: "The very best razors of the day were probably obsidian or even Egyptian glass. It would be very difficult to work-harden bronze enough to take a proper razor-edge."

Yes, of course. How daft of me. When I think of obsidian or glass cutting tools I tend to think of the Aztecs and not the Middle East. But of course these materials were provided to the Lord's people as well as the indians.

No wonder then that the men from Sechem and Shiloh and Samaria cut themselves shaving.

~~ OEJ

[Duvenoy]

Re: How can Noah's Arc be true?

Noachan? Please don't say you're one of these furry mangay freaks who's so brainwashed by Oriental agitprop tentacle porn that you feel the need to stick -chan on the end of everyone's name?

Nah. I just like to juggle words now & again. I got that one from, if I remember right, the Institute for Creation Research. It seemed to be a pretty good phrase.

Uh, I know what porn is and a tentacal as well, but what is an Oriential agitprop? Some kind of promotion for a Chink eatery with topless waitresses that specalizes in squid?

doov

[ultima]

Re: How can Noah's Arc be true?

Friend, God is wonderful. (I'm going to talk some genetics now) All humans descended from Noah and his three boys and their wives, God put all the genetic information needed for all the races in those boys.

Buddy, I think you're the only inbred one here. What with your mother marrying your grandfather and all that. Pretty gross if you ask me.

[One-eyed Jack]

Re: How can Noah's Arc be true?

Keep a civil tongue in thy keyboard, O Jezebel of the forums! Cast no aspersions on the lineages of members of our Congregation. Brother V's avatar my look unlettered and uncouth, but not every man can be Betty Bowers.

There are men who do the work of the world, Miss Ultima, and lo! their hands are dirty and their overalls torn, but let them pause, let them lay down their tools and walk away from their tasks...and civilization dies.

So cast no aspersions on good Brother V for his workmanlike appearance! Impugn not his grandsire nor his dam! For his labor is great and the Lord shall reward him.

Man goeth forth unto his work and to his labour until the evening.

O LORD, how manifold are thy works! in wisdom hast thou made them all: the earth is full of thy riches. Psalm 104:23, 24

Curb thy spite, Miss Ultima, for it ill becomes a child of God to deal in spitefulness, calumny, slander, or in lentil futures.

~~ OEJ