X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 1
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous template Next
  • Yea-tho-we-walk
    Forum Member
    Forum Member
    • Nov 2010
    • 390
    #1

    Computer technology breakthrough!

    I work for Microsoft design and we have just made a giant leap forward in computer tech. The news release will be made public in a few days. We have discovered a design that is almost one thousand times as powerful as anything preceeding it. To test it we let it scan several Bibles. The scans took one billionth of a second to yield their results. We had assumed that all Bibles were similar and written to help or serve man in many ways. Shockingly, every Bible except the King James 1611, turned out to be not moral guides, but cookbooks!!!
    Tags: None
    • Ezekiel Bathfire
      Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
      Christ's Rottweiler
       
      • Jan 2008
      • 22912
      #2
      Re: Computer technology breakthrough!

      A likely tale! Yet recipes for Damnation lie in other, so-called Bibles.
      sigpic


      “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

      Author of such illuminating essays as,
      Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

        Comment

        • Pastor Ezekiel
          Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
           
          • Sep 2006
          • 78556
          #3
          Re: Computer technology breakthrough!

          Originally posted by Yea-tho-we-walk View Post
          I work for Microsoft design and we have just made a giant leap forward in computer tech. The news release will be made public in a few days. We have discovered a design that is almost one thousand times as powerful as anything preceeding it. To test it we let it scan several Bibles. The scans took one billionth of a second to yield their results. We had assumed that all Bibles were similar and written to help or serve man in many ways. Shockingly, every Bible except the King James 1611, turned out to be not moral guides, but cookbooks!!!
          Friend, you need to take a look at my sermon on the subject HERE.
          Who Will Jesus Damn?

          Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

          Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

          Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

            Comment

            Previous template Next
            Working...