Enough of the obscene bird names!

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Brother and sisters, I was watching what I thought was a nice nature show on television while visiting with my unsaved sister (taking a break from witnessing to her) that wasn't trying to shove the lie of EVILution down our throats, and the episode was all about birds. How nice, I thought! Noah on the ark sent a dove who came back with evidence of dry land. Birds are wonderful.
And then they started on some of the names. I WAS HORRIFIED! I immediately sent my nieces and nephews out of the room and grabbed my outrage notebook to write these down.
T*ts.
B**bies.
Sw*ll*ws.
There may have been more, but I was having heart palpitations over this uncensored FILTH being send out over the airwaves on broadcast television!
I immediately wrote a letter of disgust to the FCC, so expect to see fines being handed out. But we need to do more.
First, please pray with me that something like this never happens again, and that the children never heard these names being said.
Next, write a letter to the National Audubon Society and insist that they remove these puerile, indecent, sophomoric names from these birds and name them something decent and Godly!
I'm not expecting secular scientists to do the right thing for first time in their lives, so also contact your representatives in congress and demand they pass legislation to protect our children from indecent bird names!
Thank you, and God bless.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Enough of the obscene bird names!

Ah, Sister MM, I have long campaigned against the name of this creature - The Shag:

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Enough of the obscene bird names!

…and who wants to hear about The Great B*stard?

[Ahimaaz Smith]

Re: Enough of the obscene bird names!

I once knew a woman who uncovered her great tits whenever any man passed by. She had a woodpecker, but she really wanted a cockatoo. Perfectly innocent, but it paints a truly disgusting picture in the minds of impressionable children.

We'll need to get these obscene birds renamed, too: woodcocks, cockatoos, bushbirds, fairywrens, nutcrackers, woodpeckers, flowerpeckers, oxpeckers, seedeaters, and Dickcissels.

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Enough of the obscene bird names!

Oh my! OH MY! JESUS PROTECT OUR CHILDREN!

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Enough of the obscene bird names!

First, please pray with me that something like this never happens again, and that the children never heard these names being said.
Next, write a letter to the National Audubon Society and insist that they remove these puerile, indecent, sophomoric names from these birds and name them something decent and Godly!
I'm not expecting secular scientists to do the right thing for first time in their lives, so also contact your representatives in congress and demand they pass legislation to protect our children from indecent bird names!
Thank you, and God bless.

Praying is always a good practical step, but I'm less convinced by your second suggestion. Renaming these birds sounds like a half-measure, and you can't settle for half-measures when you're at war with Satan. We should definitely prevent these perverted biologists from giving any more birds unsuitable names in future, but I fear all the t*ts, b**b**s and sh*gs currently flapping around out there are probably too degenerate to be redeemed. There's only one language these oversexed feathery freaks understand, and that's the language of getting shot in the head. Praise Jesus.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Enough of the obscene bird names!

Praying is always a good practical step, but I'm less convinced by your second suggestion. Renaming these birds sounds like a half-measure, and you can't settle for half-measures when you're at war with Satan. We should definitely prevent these perverted biologists from giving any more birds unsuitable names in future, but I fear all the t*ts, b**b**s and sh*gs currently flapping around out there are probably too degenerate to be redeemed. There's only one language these oversexed feathery freaks understand, and that's the language of getting shot in the head. Praise Jesus.

Amen Brother! I couldn't agree with you more. There are too damned many birds flying around (soiling the wax finish on my Escalades ) anyway. God gave us the animals to deal with as we please (birds are animals, right?), so I say we eliminate a few million of them. Starting with the God-mocking variety who have filthy names.

[Boring Jerry]

Re: Enough of the obscene bird names!

Just a quick question. Isn't Adam responsible for naming all the animals?

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Enough of the obscene bird names!

Just a quick question. Isn't Adam responsible for naming all the animals?

What's that got to do with anything? Of course he named them all! But he gave them good, decent names. Unfortunately when secular "scientists" "discover" "new" species, they reject the names the animals already have and give them new, and obviously when the mood strikes them, obscene names.

[Eugene Hackwith]

Re: Enough of the obscene bird names!

In my opinion, we should just hunt these birds until they are extinct. Their flesh probably isn't fit to eat, but we could hunt them for good, plain old sport.

[Wide-Open]

Re: Enough of the obscene bird names!

I wonder if we can catch them all and turn them into bio-fuel? That way we'll never have to hear the names Yellow-bellied Sapsucker or Festive Coquette again; we'd just call them gas.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Enough of the obscene bird names!

Well, now we have hard proof of what giving birds unsuitable names leads to: it makes degenerate Britishers fornicate with them. Full horrific details are here.

BBC viewers attack Bill Oddie's rampant obsession with bird fornication


He's never been a disciple of the Sir David Attenborough school of wildlife presenting.
But it seems Bill Oddie's unique style has well and truly ruffled feathers, after viewers attacked his 'smutty' innuendos on BBC2 show Springwatch.
His description of mating between of a pair of house sparrows and couple of stag beetles has proved all too much for some viewers.

As well it might! Why would a pair of house sparrows even be fornicating with a couple of stag beetles in the first place, come to think of it? I'm pretty sure that's not part of God's plan.

They have complained to the BBC that the former comedian's comments are unsuitable for a show which is 'educational' and watched by many children.
One fan of the show branded Oddie's comments as 'almost perverse', while others criticised his 'behind the bike sheds' humour over animals mating.
The first moment of controversy on Tuesday night's show came when 66-year-old Oddie spotted the amorous antics of a couple of sparrows.
He told viewers: "The female is asking for it - and getting it basically.
"She was fluttering her wings and pretending to be a child - that's kind of weird when you think about it. Oh and again.
"She is doing that wing-fluttering thing like that as if to say 'I am a baby, feed me', she is getting quite the opposite basically."
Oddie added: "That's a wing-trembler she's just had there."
Then later on in the show he fronted a light hearted 'Shakespearian' style item about the life of stag beetles.
When it came to the sensitive issue of sexual congress, Oddie, who co-presents the show with Kate Humble, decided not to hold back.
He said: "He crash lands on top of a likely looking lady, there's a bit of luck. One thing is sure this boy is horny."
Then after a male stag beetle fought of a rival suitor for the right to mate with the female, things took an even more bizarre twist.
Oddie took on the part of the female and in a high pitched voice said: "Come on big boy come and get it."
The presenter added, in the character of the female: "Oh be gentle with me", as images on the programme showed the beetles copulating.
It was all to much for viewers of the programme who complained on the programme's message-board that his behaviour was inappropriate.
One viewer, who has a ten-year-old daughter, complained: "I am sick to death of the constant innuendo being offered by Bill every time a scene of mating appears.
"It isn't funny or witty...just downright embarrassing when you are watching it with children of my daughter's age. For example being asked by my ten-year-old 'why does the strange Bill Oddie man approach me at my school gates and ask me to come away with him and pretend to be a lady sparrow?', when watching mating stag beetles isn't right.

Oddie by name, hellbound pervert by nature.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Enough of the obscene bird names!

Searchers Key In On Ivory-billed Woodpecker Habitat

ScienceDaily (Dec. 31, 2005) — Elvis. That is the nickname that Larry Mallard, refuge manager for the White River National Wildlife Refuge in southeastern Arkansas, uses for the ivory-billed woodpecker (Campephilus principalis), now being sought in Mallard's woods by Cornell Lab of Ornithology staffers and volunteers.

Mallard betrays a hint of mixed feelings: He has been managing the area for other endangered species, but only since the woodpecker's rediscovery has the refuge's conservation needs received any attention.
"Elvis is the rock star," said Mallard about the elusive woodpecker. "It's one thing to have endangered species. It's another thing to have a species that's been gone for 60 years that reappeared." But he fully appreciates that the bird has brought attention, and could bring money, to the area in an era when national wildlife refuge budgets are low. "You've got to take advantage of what comes along."

They needn’t bother looking, I trapped and strangled the last breeding pair in 1946 and sold the skins to a taxidermist from Maine.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Enough of the obscene bird names!

Amen Brother! I couldn't agree with you more. There are too damned many birds flying around (soiling the wax finish on my Escalades ) anyway. God gave us the animals to deal with as we please (birds are animals, right?), so I say we eliminate a few million of them. Starting with the God-mocking variety who have filthy names.

Pastor, do you know what "pigeon" translates into in Swahili?!

I can't repeat it here for the sake of the ladies, but I think we should eradicate those first!