New Mormon Neighbors

[BrotherLarry]

Old Mrs. Leibowitz died of the palsy this past month and the landlords were quick to rent the place where she had resided for these 17 years. She was a joo but she didn't act like one; in fact, she was quite generous, she didn't complain of her illnesses and she didn't smell at all. Everyone tolerated her and some liked her. When I moved in she made me a welcome basket and always spoke to me politely when we passed in the hallway.


Well, I found out the new tenants are practicing mormons (I guess that means they trying to get it right). I found a flyer under my door this morning that reads:


Would you like to know the REAL Jesus Christ? Would you like to know the peace that comes from trusting in God in HIS way? We are your new neighbors, Gloria and Rod Stavers, and we'd love to talk to you about the new, welcoming Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. We won't bore you with long, drawn out videos - that was the old way! We want to speak to you personally, and we are available most evenings between 7 and 9 PM. Just call us or ring our bell. We look forward to meeting our new neighbors!

In Fellowship, Gloria and Rod

So I made up a flyer of my own that simply reads: "NO THANKS, I AM GOING TO HEAVEN, NOT HELL."


I also complained to the building management since I was almost thrown out for placing 8x10 color pictures of the Baby Jesus under everyone's door last Christmas along with a Chick tract and the schedule of services at the nearest Baptist church.


Somehow this will come back to haunt me so pray for me and pray against these heathens who are trying to preach a "new" gospel of Jesus Christ. Let's come against them in Jesus Holy Name by bombarding Heaven with prayers, which is only fitting as True Christians(TM). Amen?

[handmaiden]

Re: New Mormon Neighbors

Amen, BrotherLarry. You should invite them over to your place and offer them a cup of coffee.

Then you can whip out a Bible and show them the verses that warn about not adding to the word of God.


You can explain that Revelation is God's prophecy to us of the end times and that it makes zero sense for The Lord to squeeze in new instructions to His followers between the timeframe of the historical events of Jesus' time on earth and the future historical timeframe of His return.


Who are they, George Lucas? Do they think they can insert extra stories explaining what happens before the end of a saga, after the saga has been told?

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: New Mormon Neighbors

The Mormons are an especially pesky and obnoxious lot, and while one can partially understand the mooselimbs because they are promised 72 virgins, the Mormons are promised their own planet (and probably a whole planet of virgins).

For some unexplained reason the Mormons like to ride around on bicycles, but this nigra street preacher knows how to take some air out of their tires.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: New Mormon Neighbors

I also complained to the building management since I was almost thrown out for placing 8x10 color pictures of the Baby Jesus under everyone's door last Christmas along with a Chick tract and the schedule of services at the nearest Baptist church.

This is always the case: there's one rule for the heathen and one rule for the True Christian.

Personally, I accept Jesus's statements in Matthew 5:11, Matthew 10:22, Matthew 24:9, John 15:21 and His promise that “But he who endures to the end will be saved.”

It is proof that you are doing it right and God, at least, is smiling on you.

Once you know that, you are fireproof.

[Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson]

Re: New Mormon Neighbors

I also complained to the building management since I was almost thrown out for placing 8x10 color pictures of the Baby Jesus under everyone's door last Christmas along with a Chick tract and the schedule of services at the nearest Baptist church.


Somehow this will come back to haunt me so pray for me and pray against these heathens who are trying to preach a "new" gospel of Jesus Christ. Let's come against them in Jesus Holy Name by bombarding Heaven with prayers, which is only fitting as True Christians™. Amen?

Brother, you can likely hire a joo lawyer to sue the management over your almost eviction. Under our God-given First Amendment, not only were you practicing your freedom of religion, but also your freedom of speech! I'll be praying for you, keeping in mind Matthew 7:7.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: New Mormon Neighbors

MATTHEW 24 . KJV . look up
3b The disciples came unto him privately, saying,
3d What shall be the sign of thy coming, and of the end of the world?
4a And Jesus answered and said unto them, Take heed that no man deceive you.
5a For many shall come in my name, saying, I am Christ; and shall deceive many.
11 And many false prophets shall rise, and shall deceive many.
12 And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold.

This is just another example of how Christians are being persecuted. Satan has the mormon cult absolutely in his power and uses them mercilessly to seek out decent people who love Jesus. He has a different gospel which needs to be delivered by any means and will not hesitate to use the latest technology so I'm very concerned about this:

Would you like to know the REAL Jesus Christ? Would you like to know the peace that comes from trusting in God in HIS way? We are your new neighbors, Gloria and Rod Stavers, and we'd love to talk to you about the new, welcoming Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. We won't bore you with long, drawn out videos - that was the old way! We want to speak to you personally, and we are available most evenings between 7 and 9 PM. Just call us or ring our bell. We look forward to meeting our new neighbors!

In Fellowship, Gloria and Rod

. . . . . .Is this the real Gloria & Rod?

Fortunately I've never seen a mormon video. I did once see a slide show from the Moonies. It was quite boring, especially after the first slide. So a video which the mormons themselves find boring must be a real piece of work. Nowadays that stuff's old hat. Gloria has something more modern in mind and has invited you to a 2 hour session but I couldn't help noticing the similarity between the Teslasuit and mormon magic underwear. What is she really up to? I would be very careful of that woman; obviously she wrote the note, who else would put her name up before her husband's or even mention her at all?

What sort of VR program would the latter day demoniacs write? Whatever their shortcomings they don't seem incompetent around technology especially when the devil has aims they can achieve for him. No Christian would ever think of such things as will be presented to you if you accept Gloria's invitation. She will have the whole gamut laid out for you, the false clarion call from their hadean angel as described by Joseph Smith (convicted liar, fraudster and all round criminal) if such an event ever occurred, the proclaiming of a different Gospel, the blasphemous invention of another Jesus who was more worried about red indians than ascending to Heaven where He was seen after the event seated next to God NOT wandering around the boondocks with some special magic and therefore invisible gold plates.

The Bible could have remained silent, suggesting that after a longish absence Jesus ascended or perhaps Jesus could have said that He needed to cross over an ocean. The Bible says none of those things and Jesus' movements are pretty well accounted for during the short interval between His resurrection and His ascension. Gloria will be telling you that those are lies. What do you think she'll pipe into your VR suit after that? And you may even succumb, thinking that yours is a private moment (one that lasts 2 hours) but how many others received her blatant invitation? Are the mormon elders all hooked up too? Will they be listening, to say the least of it, to her purring? Using your "personal" (her words not mine) experience to instruct others? We don't need to imagine do we.

GLORIA. . . . . . . . . . . . Oh, Oh, ..I've forgotten what I was going to say
MORMON ELDER. . . . . . . . . Now watch how her victim responds..
BROTHER LARRY . . . . . . . . Are you alright Gloria? Can I do anything for you?
MORMON ELDER. . . . . . . . . She's increasing the gain on Larry's suit now to enhance
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . somatosensory perceptions, very gradually; see how she's doing
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . that?
APPRENTICE MORMON MISSIONARY. Yes, O great one. Is that actually permitted, for us to do?
MORMON ELDER. . . . . . . . . Shut up or I'll turn you off.
GLORIA. . . . . . . . . . . . Oh, oh, oh ..yes I came over all thing for a moment. Maybe it's a
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . fault with the suit. I'm not very good with this stuff. Can you try
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . some adjustments for me?

THIS IS A LIE OF COURSE. SHE PROBABLY DEV'D THE SOFTWARE
HERSELF. AND WOULD BE DOING SOME MORE RESEARCH ON YOU IF
YOU LET HER YES I CAN SEE WHAT SHE'S UP TO JUST LIKE HER
ROTTEN ELDER AND ALL THE OTHER ROTTEN ELDERS & PROPHETS.
ROTTEN BECAUSE OF THE LIES THEY PREACH, JUST SO THEY CAN
CONTROL YOU.

Or would control you if you accepted Gloria's invitation and she hooked you up. I seriously doubt that anyone describing "long, drawn out videos" as boring is intending to give you a powerpoint presentation at her more personal interaction and a VR suit is just the sort of stunt that freak would pull out. Steer well clear.

As for Rod, well I'm sure you've already worked out where he fits in. He'll be a good mormon Rod and do just what he's told in case his great-great-great-great-grandnephew gets unbaptized for him and he's ejected from connubial duties on Kolob straight down to mormon Hell and reincarnated as a Scientologist. Poor Rod. I almost feel sorry for him.

[Des]

Re: New Mormon Neighbors

The Mormons are an especially pesky and obnoxious lot, and while one can partially understand the mooselimbs because they are promised 72 virgins, the Mormons are promised their own planet (and probably a whole planet of virgins).

For some unexplained reason the Mormons like to ride around on bicycles, but this nigra street preacher knows how to take some air out of their tires.

I'm conflicted as to which side to cheer for. It would be easier for me to decide if they had been driving a car for Fat Albert to steel the hubcaps off of.