Full Immersion Baptism is Not a Wet "T" Shirt Contest

[Johny Joe Hold]

Some of us have been discussing a dress code for Landover Baptist baptisms. We have noted a pattern of using baptism as a time to attract the opposite sex. Certainly John the Baptist did not have this in mind.

Let's start with women. Some new members have worn tops that show too much cleavage and have forgotten their bras. Needless to say, this is not OK at Landover Baptist.

And, men have been a problem too. A few men have worn pants that when wet display prominently their private parts. Men, find that athletic support to hold your treasures.

Landover Baptist uses the Raccoon River for our ceremonies. Below is a Christian-lite baptism using a tank. You can see the young woman was scantly dressed and would be parading around trying to attract men right after the ceremony.

[Isabella White]

Re: Full Emersion Baptism is Not a Wet "T" Shirt Contest

Oh, my word! The way that that young woman is dressed (for any occasion, but especially for baptism) should not be allowed. She is inviting the devil to have his way, as she makes a travesty of the solemnity of the occasion, considering that she looks like a streetwalker -- a common harlot!

It is my prayer that all young ladies will remember what their baptism is about, and to remember that the dress code applies to this special ceremony, just as it applies to everyday standards.

I Timothy 2:9,10:
9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.

And, we can be grateful that we do not have the misfortune of seeing the sort of horror that takes place during those Cathyolick so-called baptisms. I'll include a video clip to show what I mean. That lovely Mr. Alex Jones will explain it all so nicely, as he introduces the video, which is of a demonic priest hurting a baby, in front of the parents, at the service. We can thank that our baptism services at truly honor and glorify the !

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Full Emersion Baptism is Not a Wet "T" Shirt Contest

Landover Baptist uses the Raccoon River for our ceremonies.

As is only right and proper, Brother Mr Mayor, Sir! Allowing oneself to be immersed in the Raccoon River shows our faith in Jesus and allows Him to separate the sheep from the goats. Just out of interest, what is the current survival rate?

Below is a Christian-lite baptism using a tank.

Leaving aside the ill-chosen outfit, where is the jeopardy?

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Full Emersion Baptism is Not a Wet "T" Shirt Contest

Just out of interest, what is the current survival rate?

The Raccoon River runs through the industrial agricultural areas of Iowa we are so proud of. It receives plenty and farm chemicals and waste from industrial hog farms. Recently it received a ranking within the 10 most polluted rivers in the U.S.

Pastors at Landover are pleased there have been only a few very sick or dead from the baptisms. They are certain Jesus protects the newly saved souls from the pollution. Were it not for the protection God provides we might not be able to baptize in the Raccoon.

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: Full Emersion Baptism is Not a Wet "T" Shirt Contest

The Raccoon River runs through the industrial agricultural areas of Iowa we are so proud of. It receives plenty and farm chemicals and waste from industrial hog farms. Recently it received a ranking within the 10 most polluted rivers in the U.S.

Pastors at Landover are pleased there have been only a few very sick or dead from the baptisms. They are certain Jesus protects the newly saved souls from the pollution. Were it not for the protection God provides we might not be able to baptize in the Raccoon.

Glory! If a convert dies of an infection after taking a dunk in the Coon River, they weren't really serious about accepting Christ into their heart. Landover has come up with an effective firewall to screen out sinners. Just as Jesus says in Matthew 13:30, the rejects will burn and the accepted will be gathered in fellowship. If the whackjob environmentallyillests had their way and cleaned that river, there might be a fifth column of false Christians within God's favorite church! Praise Him that hasn't happened!

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Full Imersion Baptism is Not a Wet "T" Shirt Contest

With the colder weather of winter upon us, I've been asked by church officials to make an announcement about Landover Baptist baptism during winter.

First, a reminder that God cannot wash away sins without full imersion baptism. New members have to "go under."

Second, Landover Baptist does not do fake baptisms. That is, we baptize only outside in the Raccoon River. Other churches do phony baptisms indoors with heated water. Prospective members, do not think you can join LBC with baptism lite.

Third, Landover Baptist takes no responsibility for the safety or comfort of new members. If you think you may suffer from the cold water and outside temps bring someone with you to carry blankets. Our staff pastors doing the ceremony also go into the cold water. Because we cannot risk hypothermia for our pastors, they wear insulated wet suits and remain comfortable.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Full Emersion Baptism is Not a Wet "T" Shirt Contest

I'm sorry to report, following a recent suggestion from someone which was frankly quite revolting, that USB powered heated underwear is now available. (Actually, it's been available for ages, just not USB powered, as described.)

Thermal Underwear for Men & Women, Winter Clothing with Heated Baselayer for Indoors, Outdoors, and Sports Black.

KEEPS ENTIRE BODY WARM: Electric thermal underwear with rechargeable battery that heats back, waist, and knees.
Distributes heat and promotes blood circulation to keep your whole body warm.

OUTDOOR ACTIVITIES: Perfect for all kinds of outdoor activities such as jogging, dog-walking, working outdoors, hunting, skiing, fishing, hiking, biking, and riding motorcycles, and shoveling snow.

EXTENDED HEATING TIME: Powered by 2 ultra-large capacity 7.4v3000mAh rechargeable lithium battery packs that can last 2-5 hours before recharging, depending on the settings.
(low, medium, high)

Soft, breathable cotton and polyester fabric with cotton liners and firm elastic reinforcement.
Quick-drying; will not shock, even when wet.
Quick-drying; highlighting mine
Package includes: One pair of electric thermal underwear set with heat settings buttons, two 7.4V 3000mAh lithium battery packs, one charger and instructions.
Any questions, please contact by email.

This something to watch out for. Obviously I'm not going to plug but, although the wearer may not be electrocuted, what about others in the water? Is this what Jesus had in mind when He suffered on Calvary? Absolutely not; no such thought ever entered His mind.

[Basilissa]

Re: Full Emersion Baptism is Not a Wet "T" Shirt Contest

I think we can all agree that this - whatever the hell it's supposed to be - is NOT BAPTISM:

Now another priest in the US has apparently unveiled the latest innovation designed to ensure life gets back to something approaching normal, while maintaining a strict two-metre distance from one another.
In a picture widely shared on social media, an unnamed clergyman can be seen baptising a young child using a water pistol.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Full Emersion Baptism is Not a Wet "T" Shirt Contest

Is that some sort of Ishtar or Aphrodite idol in the background? Difficult to make out but whatever it is, the question arises: “What exactly is in the water pistol?”

Could it get up the baby's nose and into its brain? I've heard that brain parasites are very difficult to get rid of.

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: Full Immersion Baptism is Not a Wet "T" Shirt Contest

I've been looking into some kind of either nuclear or coal fired power plant that could use the Raccoon River for cooling water. If properly engineered it could provide some nice warm water for winter full immersion baptisms - not to mention providing the electric power needs for Freehold.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Full Immersion Baptism is Not a Wet "T" Shirt Contest

I've been looking into some kind of either nuclear or coal fired power plant that could use the Raccoon River for cooling water. If properly engineered it could provide some nice warm water for winter full immersion baptisms - not to mention providing the electric power needs for Freehold.

That would be more comfortable for our converts. Nuclear power plants put out a lot of hot water. If we have a plant here it would make winter baptisms easier.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Full Immersion Baptism is Not a Wet "T" Shirt Contest

That would be more comfortable for our converts. Nuclear power plants put out a lot of hot water. If we have a plant here it would make winter baptisms easier.

https://www.world-nuclear-news.org/A...ls-Royce-SMR-f