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From a "Dr Denis Leary" who recalls this in, Why We Suck (A Feel Good Guide to Staying Fat, Loud, Lazy, and Stupid):
TURKEY DAY
47 sticks of butter
Cabbage
Six thousand potatoes
Fifteen cans of jellied cranberry sauce
65 boxes of Shake 'N Bake Stuffing Mix
Jar of Skippy Peanut Butter - Creamy Style
Two celery sticks
Five carrots
Some peas
Pie
One giant - and I do mean giant - turkey
Boil several really huge pots of water. Take all the stuff out of the inside of the turkey. Begin cursing in Gaelic. Stick the Shake 'N Bake stuffing stuff inside turkey. Slather turkey with melted butter. Place in oven with heat as high as knob will turn. Clean rest of house for one hour. Throw potatoes and cabbage and peas and carrots into boiling pot of water. Eat some pie. Dip two celery sticks into jar of Skippy Creamy Peanut Butter and eat. Check turkey. Possibly not even close to being done. Begin cursing in English. Baste turkey with tons more butter. Place back in oven. Open the fifteen cans of jellied cranberry sauce and combine into one giant heap of cranberry sauce on large table platter. Eat more pie. Call relatives in Ireland and gossip/slander etc for half-hour. Check turkey. Begin cursing in Gaelic/English mixture that sounds like a third and almost completely separate language. Serve large amounts of whiskey and beer to guests who have already begun to arrive. Serve pie. Check turkey. Still not done. Clean up kitchen for half an hour. Threaten to begin making peanut butter and cranberry jelly sandwiches unless drunken jackasses stay out of the goddam kitchen. Check turkey again. STILL not done. Threaten to move back to Ireland and include "If I never see another turkey again it won't be soon enough for me" speech. Remove potatoes etc. from pots. Place in bowls. Smell turkey burning. Curse. Serve.
And of course, every "Meatless" Friday there was :
FISH
One loaf Wonder Bread
8 sticks butter
Cabbage
Seven hundred potatoes
Six boxes Gorton's Frozen Fish Sticks
Two large bottles ketchup
Place fish sticks in flat pan in oven. Turn knob up as far as it will go. Place cabbage and potatoes in large pot of already boiling water. Wait twenty minutes. Take fish sticks out while middle seems to still be frozen. Pour ketchup over them until they disappear beneath a sea of red. Wait another hour for flavor to evaporate from cabbage and potatoes and they are soft to the touch. Make sign of the cross. Serve.
TURKEY DAY
47 sticks of butter
Cabbage
Six thousand potatoes
Fifteen cans of jellied cranberry sauce
65 boxes of Shake 'N Bake Stuffing Mix
Jar of Skippy Peanut Butter - Creamy Style
Two celery sticks
Five carrots
Some peas
Pie
One giant - and I do mean giant - turkey
Boil several really huge pots of water. Take all the stuff out of the inside of the turkey. Begin cursing in Gaelic. Stick the Shake 'N Bake stuffing stuff inside turkey. Slather turkey with melted butter. Place in oven with heat as high as knob will turn. Clean rest of house for one hour. Throw potatoes and cabbage and peas and carrots into boiling pot of water. Eat some pie. Dip two celery sticks into jar of Skippy Creamy Peanut Butter and eat. Check turkey. Possibly not even close to being done. Begin cursing in English. Baste turkey with tons more butter. Place back in oven. Open the fifteen cans of jellied cranberry sauce and combine into one giant heap of cranberry sauce on large table platter. Eat more pie. Call relatives in Ireland and gossip/slander etc for half-hour. Check turkey. Begin cursing in Gaelic/English mixture that sounds like a third and almost completely separate language. Serve large amounts of whiskey and beer to guests who have already begun to arrive. Serve pie. Check turkey. Still not done. Clean up kitchen for half an hour. Threaten to begin making peanut butter and cranberry jelly sandwiches unless drunken jackasses stay out of the goddam kitchen. Check turkey again. STILL not done. Threaten to move back to Ireland and include "If I never see another turkey again it won't be soon enough for me" speech. Remove potatoes etc. from pots. Place in bowls. Smell turkey burning. Curse. Serve.
And of course, every "Meatless" Friday there was :
FISH
One loaf Wonder Bread
8 sticks butter
Cabbage
Seven hundred potatoes
Six boxes Gorton's Frozen Fish Sticks
Two large bottles ketchup
Place fish sticks in flat pan in oven. Turn knob up as far as it will go. Place cabbage and potatoes in large pot of already boiling water. Wait twenty minutes. Take fish sticks out while middle seems to still be frozen. Pour ketchup over them until they disappear beneath a sea of red. Wait another hour for flavor to evaporate from cabbage and potatoes and they are soft to the touch. Make sign of the cross. Serve.
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