Stupid end of the world prophecies!

[eliot mayfield]

Part one: The Hopis!

One version:

"The United States will be destroyed, land and people, by atomic bombs and radioactivity. Only the Hopi and their homeland will be preserved as an oasis to which refugees will flee. Bomb shelters are a fallacy. It is only materialistic people who seek to make shelters.

http://www.texfiles.com/features/prophecies.htm

PFFFTTTT! I like my bomb shelter!!!!

• "This is the First Sign: We are told of the coming of the white-skinned men, like Pahana, but not living like Pahana men who took the land that was not theirs. And men who struck their enemies with thunder.
  Right the x-men are coming!!! ROTFLWJ!!!!
  
  
  
  "This is the Second Sign: Our lands will see the coming of spinning wheels filled with voices. In his youth, my father saw this prophecy come true with his eyes -- the white men bringing their families in wagons across the prairies."
  
  
  
  Maybe they meant LP's??? I'll give them this one, records are from the devil!!!
  
  
  
  "This is the Third Sign: A strange beast like a buffalo but with great long horns, will overrun the land in large numbers. These White Feather saw with his eyes -- the coming of the white men's cattle."
  
  
  
  I don't believe it! Cows don't have "Great Long Horns!!!"
  
  
  
  "This is the Fourth Sign: The land will be crossed by snakes of iron."
  
  Like a snake of iron could crawl around!!!
  
  
  
  "This is the Fifth Sign: The land shall be criss-crossed by a giant spider's web."
  
  
  
  A giant spider??? Did this guys work for Hollywood???
  
  
  
  "This is the Sixth sign: The land shall be criss-crossed with rivers of stone that make pictures in the sun."
  
  
  
  Stone rivers flow so well!
  
  
  
  "This is the Seventh Sign: You will hear of the sea turning black, and many living things dying because of it."
  
  
  
  The sea??? Which sea? Tonto didn't know there was more than one???
  
  
  
  "This is the Eight Sign: You will see many youth, who wear their hair long like my people, come and join the tribal nations, to learn their ways and wisdom.
  
  
  Well, I'll buy this one too. Those stupid hippies will believe anything!!!
  Probably from eating too much coyote cactus!
  
  
  
  "And this is the Ninth and Last Sign: You will hear of a dwelling-place in the heavens, above the earth, that shall fall with a great crash. It will appear as a blue star. Very soon after this, the ceremonies of my people will cease.

"These are the Signs that great destruction is coming. The world shall rock to and fro. The white man will battle against other people in other lands -- with those who possessed the first light of wisdom. There will be many columns of smoke and fire such as White Feather has seen the white man make in the deserts not far from here. Only those which come will cause disease and a great dying.

http://www.crystalinks.com/hopi2.html

Ow, when I get over the splits in my sides, I may look at some other stupid stories about how the world ends!!!

[eliot mayfield]

Re: Stupid end of the world prophecies!

Well the Jehovahs have made so many claims I don't have room to to put all the links!!!!

Just do the google yourself! Seems like every other year!

I think this is a secular site, but here's the evidence:

http://www.bible.ca/Jw-Prophecy.htm

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Stupid end of the world prophecies!

This has made me think of a time when I was only about 9 or 10, (late 50s) the press in UK (I blame the Eisenhower for this) came up with end of the world reports - I seem to remember some weird sect making their way to The Matterhorn (and coming down shamefacedly some days later.) I'm not sure when or what the end was supposed to be - if anyone has any info, let me know.

Of course, I do not dismiss the idea that it actually happened and I am sitting on a cloud imagining typing this out.

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Re: Stupid end of the world prophecies!

Anyone who claims to know just when the world will end is a Biblical illiterate, a liar, or both. The Bible says that only the Father knows, although it gives some hints about roughly when it will be:

Mark 13:28-33: Now learn a parable of the fig tree; When her branch is yet tender, and putteth forth leaves, ye know that summer is near: So ye in like manner, when ye shall see these things come to pass, know that it is nigh, [even] at the doors. Verily I say unto you, that this generation shall not pass, till all these things be done. Heaven and earth shall pass away: but my words shall not pass away. But of that day and [that] hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels which are in heaven, neither the Son, but the Father. Take ye heed, watch and pray: for ye know not when the time is.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Stupid end of the world prophecies!

This one makes me furious everytime I hear about it. Some drunk Mexicans from a few hundred years ago put it together, and now (of course) all the lame-brained hippies have adopted it as their own. "Anything but Jesus" is their motto!

What really ticks me off is that they named their crackpot doomsday theory after ME!

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: Stupid end of the world prophecies!

The end of the world is quite a popular topic with the unsaved. There was even a recent movie about it by that pervert who directed "Donnie Darko" called "Southland Tales" where the Rock, Jon Lovits, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer all end up on a magic blimp.

Needless to say, it was a bit confusing.

http://www.southlandtales.com/

[eliot mayfield]

Re: Stupid end of the world prophecies!

Then there is NostraLAMEASS!!!!!

L'an mil neuf cens nonante neuf sept mois
Du ciel viendra grand Roy deffraieur
Resusciter le grand Roy d'Angolmois.
Auant apres Mars regner par bon heur.

The year 1999, seven months,
From the sky will come a great King of Terror:
To bring back to life the great King of the Mongols,
Before and after Mars to reign by good luck.

[eliot mayfield]

Re: Stupid end of the world prophecies!

http://www.pantheon.org/articles/r/ragnarok.html

Ragnarok ("Doom of the Gods"), also called Gotterdammerung, means the end of the cosmos in Norse mythology. It will be preceded by Fimbulvetr, the winter of winters. Three such winters will follow each other with no summers in between. Conflicts and feuds will break out, even between families, and all morality will disappear. This is the beginning of the end. The wolf Skoll will finally devour the sun, and his brother Hati will eat the moon, plunging the earth [into] darkness. The stars will vanish from the sky. The cock Fjalar will crow to the giants and the golden cock Gullinkambi will crow to the gods. A third cock will raise the dead.
The earth will shudder with earthquakes, and every bond and fetter will burst, freeing the terrible wolf Fenrir. The sea will rear up because Jormungand, the Midgard Serpent, is twisting and writhing in fury as he makes his way toward the land. With every breath, Jormungand will stain the soil and the sky with his poison. The waves caused by the serpent's emerging will set free the ship Naglfar, and with the giant Hymir as their commander, the giants will sail towards the battlefield. From the realm of the dead a second ship will set sail, and this ship carries the inhabitants of hell, with Loki as their helmsman. The fire giants, led by the giant Surt, will leave Muspell in the south to join against the gods. Surt, carrying a sword that blazes like the sun itself, will scorch the earth.
Meanwhile, Heimdall will sound his horn, calling the sons of Odin and the heroes to the battlefield. From all the corners of the world, gods, giants, dwarves, demons and elves will ride towards the huge plain of Vigrid ("battle shaker") where the last battle will be fought. Odin will engage Fenrir in battle, and Thor will attack Jormungand. Thor will victorious, but the serpent's poison will gradually kill the god of thunder. Surt will seek out the swordless Freyr, who will quickly succumb to the giant. The one-handed Tyr will fight the monstrous hound Garm and they will kill each other. Loki and Heimdall, age-old enemies, will meet for a final time, and neither will survive their encounter. The fight between Odin and Fenrir will rage for a long time, but finally Fenrir will seize Odin and swallow him. Odin's son Vidar will at once leap towards the wolf and kill him with his bare hands, ripping the wolf's jaws apart.
Then Surt will fling fire in every direction. The nine worlds will burn, and friends and foes alike will perish. The earth will sink into the sea.
After the destruction, a new and idyllic world will arise from the sea and will be filled with abundant supplies. Some of the gods will survive, others will be reborn. Wickedness and misery will no longer exist and gods and men will live happily together. The descendants of Lif and Lifthrasir will inhabit this earth.

ROTLWJ!!!!!!!!!

Har dee har har!!!!!

guffaw guffaw!!!!

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Stupid end of the world prophecies!

Ragnarok […] means the end of the cosmos in Norse mythology. It will be preceded by Fimbulvetr, the winter of winters.

Ha! Makes as much sense as Global Warming!

[…]A third cock will raise the dead.

I think you will find that that is Jesus’s job

The sea will rear up because Jormungand, the Midgard Serpent, is twisting and writhing in fury

I suppose this is Global Worming! (Worming! Get it?)

Surt, carrying a sword that blazes like the sun itself, will scorch the earth.

Hello Heathens! It will be Jesus and the sword will be in His Mouth!

Thor will victorious, but the serpent's poison will gradually kill the god of thunder.

Thor? A god? He hasn’t even conquered death! OK, he has a hammer but that's hardly a sign of divinity (even though Jesus was a carpenter)

After the destruction, a new and idyllic world will arise from the sea

Clearly, whatever peasants wrote this, never considered the fishy smell that would pervade the universe!

and will be filled with abundant supplies.

Another “pie in the sky when you die” promise by false prophets!

Some of the gods will survive, others will be reborn.

Resurrection? I think not. Only Jesus can do this.

The descendants of Lif and Lifthrasir will inhabit this earth.

I’ve done a quick check in the ‘phone book – there’s no one of that name around, so they’re going to have a hard time creating descendants!

I’m surprised and annoyed that anyone was ever taken in by this arrant rubbish. (The stupid names are a give-away to start!)

I’m sure that as soon as these Vikings were shown the Revelation with its seven headed beast, etc and a woman called Babylon, they saw the reality of Christianity and the Absolute Truth of God’s Word immediately!

[eliot mayfield]

Re: Stupid end of the world prophecies!

Global warming anyone? It's the coldest winter here in decades!

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Stupid end of the world prophecies!

http://www.1degree.com.au/node/924

The year's average global temperature was the 9th or 10th warmest since reliable record-keeping began in 1850, and the coldest since the turn of the 21st century, according to separate surveys by the UN's World Meteorological Organisation, NASA's Goddard Institute of Space Studies, and the US National Climatic Data Centre.

Each used slightly different methods to rank 2008 based on world-wide land and sea-surface temperatures through to November. For the time being, no one knows whether this temperature drop heralds a lasting retreat from global warming or a temporary dip.

Obviously no one has the same hymn book.

And from elsewhere a global temperature map for Feb 09 (isn't that this month?) that, to me, seems to indicate that there is as much a warmer area as cooler.

[Aristotle]

Re: Stupid end of the world prophecies!

No weird Indian witchdoctor is going to know when the world will end but the BIBLE tells TrueChristians™ the answer;

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=36729

Fortunately for members of Landover Baptist, there is Project Habakkuk. For the rest, well, they chose their fate.