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Even as I sit here, I can't believe I'm writing this. I've never been one to voice my opinions in such a public manner. But after learning that Landover Baptist Church wants to intensify race hatred, I felt I at least had to set a few things straight. By way of introduction, let me just say that the question that's on everyone's mind these days is, "What accounts for its prodigious criminality and dissipation?" The answer is almost entirely obvious—this isn't rocket science, you know. The key is that Landover Baptist Church has already been able to flout all of society's rules. What worries me more than that, however, is that if Landover Baptist Church ever manages to accelerate our descent into the cesspool of sesquipedalianism, that's when the defecation will really hit the air conditioning.
It undoubtedly shouldn't be necessary to have to say such things, but someone has been giving Landover Baptist Church's brain a very thorough washing and now Landover Baptist Church is trying to do the same to us. Do I want Landover Baptist Church to withhold information and disseminate half truths and whole lies? No, thank you very much; I would much rather remind Landover Baptist Church about the concept of truth in advertising. To Landover Baptist Church's mind, it is a perpetual victim of injustice. So that means that its maledicent gestapo is a benign and charitable agency, right? No, not right. The truth is that Landover Baptist Church thinks we want it to advocate detestable plaints. Excuse me, but maybe the real question here is not, "Whatever happened to good sportsmanship?". The real question is rather, "Do its crotchets appear reasonable to anyone other than the most predaceous clunks I've ever seen?" The answer has two parts to it. The first part regards the manner in which unless we take the initiative to declare a truce with Landover Baptist Church and commence a dialogue, no real changes will ever occur. The second part of the answer is focused on the the way that it would be charitable of me not to mention that we need the space and autonomy to fight the stratagems that can hurt us. Fortunately, I am not beset by a spirit of false charity so I will instead maintain that as that last sentence suggests, its dysfunctional attempt to construct a creative response to my previous letter was absolutely pitiful. Really, Landover Baptist Church, stringing together a bunch of solecistic insults and seemingly random babble is hardly effective. It simply proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that if I withheld my feelings on this matter, I'd be no less atrabilious than Landover Baptist Church. Let me end by saying that I know that what I have written in this letter will send many readers (especially any who are big fans of Landover Baptist Church) into a tizzy or a tantrum. I am sorry, but I remind them that Landover Baptist Church is a bad egg.
God Bless You All
Jesus Died For You!
It undoubtedly shouldn't be necessary to have to say such things, but someone has been giving Landover Baptist Church's brain a very thorough washing and now Landover Baptist Church is trying to do the same to us. Do I want Landover Baptist Church to withhold information and disseminate half truths and whole lies? No, thank you very much; I would much rather remind Landover Baptist Church about the concept of truth in advertising. To Landover Baptist Church's mind, it is a perpetual victim of injustice. So that means that its maledicent gestapo is a benign and charitable agency, right? No, not right. The truth is that Landover Baptist Church thinks we want it to advocate detestable plaints. Excuse me, but maybe the real question here is not, "Whatever happened to good sportsmanship?". The real question is rather, "Do its crotchets appear reasonable to anyone other than the most predaceous clunks I've ever seen?" The answer has two parts to it. The first part regards the manner in which unless we take the initiative to declare a truce with Landover Baptist Church and commence a dialogue, no real changes will ever occur. The second part of the answer is focused on the the way that it would be charitable of me not to mention that we need the space and autonomy to fight the stratagems that can hurt us. Fortunately, I am not beset by a spirit of false charity so I will instead maintain that as that last sentence suggests, its dysfunctional attempt to construct a creative response to my previous letter was absolutely pitiful. Really, Landover Baptist Church, stringing together a bunch of solecistic insults and seemingly random babble is hardly effective. It simply proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that if I withheld my feelings on this matter, I'd be no less atrabilious than Landover Baptist Church. Let me end by saying that I know that what I have written in this letter will send many readers (especially any who are big fans of Landover Baptist Church) into a tizzy or a tantrum. I am sorry, but I remind them that Landover Baptist Church is a bad egg.
God Bless You All
Jesus Died For You!
As the aforementioned bastards you are, you all take words out of context (especially you, Mr. Bathfire). If the words are read coherently and not retardedly (Mr. Bathfire), then you would realize that you are making a grave mistake and misinterpreting the words of wisdom given by yours truly (Duechon Mandick). 
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