[BelieverInGod]

Re: A Condensed History of the World

Who can't read a simple sentence? I said..

Some forms of food are only things I mention as being carbohydrate based.
I did not mention anything about what humans are made of.
This clear demonstration of your comprehension skills explains a lot.

Low-Carb is the way to go.

Is Dr. Atkins in Heaven now?

[Jo Freddie]

Re: A Condensed History of the World

Low-Carb is the way to go.

Is Dr. Atkins in Heaven now?

The Diet of Atkins is an abomination in the eyes of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, be assured that Dr Atkins will be in Heaven-ULTRA Lite his beer is flat and he can only just hear the sounds from the distant stage, I dread to think what sort of strippers get has now.

[handmaiden]

Re: A Condensed History of the World

Who can't read a simple sentence? I said..

Some forms of food are only things I mention as being carbohydrate based.
I did not mention anything about what humans are made of.
This clear demonstration of your comprehension skills explains a lot.

Heathen. I went a Stupid Sisters College where the main academic agenda is to turn straight girls into phallic-hating "womyn". If I have trouble comprehending anything it is how a FSM deity could exist without leaving trails of sauce around in its wake.

Jesus leaves trails of cleansing virtue and inner peace in His wake which can be seen by anyone NOT wearing an eyepatch!

The Diet of Atkins is an abomination in the eyes of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, be assured that Dr Atkins will be in Heaven-ULTRA Lite his beer is flat and he can only just hear the sounds from the distant stage, I dread to think what sort of strippers get has now.

There is only one point of agreement between us. I informed a hellbound sinner who was joking about his hopes to find cold beer and porn waiting for him in hell that he would find warm, flat beer that was some brand of American lite and grainy home movies of Rosanne Barr and Tom Arnold.

When Satan was delivering to you his false gospel, he mixed in a liitle truth as is his wont.

Pityingly Yours,

Handmaiden

[Jo Freddie]

Re: A Condensed History of the World

Heathen. I went a Stupid Sisters College where the main academic agenda is to turn straight girls into phallic-hating "womyn". If I have trouble comprehending anything it is how a FSM deity could exist without leaving trails of sauce around in its wake.

You are confusing the nature of earthly sauce with the nature of his Holy being, the sauce humans make is imperfect and makes a mess, His sauce is perfect so makes no mess.

If we look around us we can see signs of His work.

Take gravity, for example: the force of attraction between massive particles.
Scientists know a great deal about the properties of gravity, yet they know nothing about the cause of the force itself. Why are particles attracted to one other? If we review the literature, we find a lot of material dealing with the properties of gravity, but very little dealing with the underlying cause of this attraction, until we consult the True gospel which tells us He, pushing us down with His Noodly Appendages, that causes this Force. We can only guess as to His motives, but it’s logical to assume that if He is going to such trouble, there is a good reason. It could be that He doesn’t want us floating off earth into space, or maybe just that He enjoys touching us—we may never know.

We need only look at our historical records. The average height of humans two thousand years ago was about five feet three inches for males, compared with an average height of around five feet ten inches for males today. Useless by itself, this information becomes quite important when viewed in terms of worldwide population. Humans, apparently obsessed with shagging, have increased their numbers exponentially over the years. We find, counter intuitively, that a small population correlates with shorter humans, and a larger population correlates with taller humans. This only makes sense in light of the FSM theory of gravity. With more people on earth today, there are fewer Noodly Appendages to go around, so we each receive less touching—pushing down toward the earth—and thus, with less force downward, we’re taller. We can fully expect that as the population increases, and we receive less downward pushing by the FSM, we’ll continue to grow in height. Conversely, we can expect that the sudden occurrence of a worldwide plague would cause our average height to decrease. This phenomenon can be verified in historical records. We find that regions undergoing health crises have shorter people—strong evidence that this it true.

If we are to believe that hight is function of nutrition, as the scientists try to tell us, then a smaller population with more food available should correlate to a taller hight. This is not what we find.

[handmaiden]

Re: A Condensed History of the World

You are confusing the nature of earthly sauce with the nature of his Holy being, the sauce humans make is imperfect and makes a mess, His sauce is perfect so makes no mess.

As a True Italian, I cannot allow you to lecture me on the subject of sauce. With the many arrests, incarcerations --both in criminal justice and mental health facilities-- fires and wrecked automobiles in my family history, our grandmother's sauce was the one point of honor that could not be impugned.

Take care, as you are close to doing so and may be subject to Sicilian wrath that will extend beyond the limits of eternity and pain to which even the Biblical God is capable.

If we are to believe that hight is function of nutrition, as the scientists try to tell us, then a smaller population with more food available should correlate to a taller hight. This is not what we find.

Your gospel is false. During the Paleolithic era, hunter gatherers had access to large sources of protein in the form of enormous, juicy animals. Skeletal remains indicate heights of up to 6' plus in many instances.

During the Neolithic, agriculture took hold. People grew grains and began carbo-loading. Calorie consumption increased and became consistent. Females became fertile younger; population increased; archaeological finds indicate shorter frames.

Nutrition = height Carbo calories = fertile but short

I am not supposed to know this.

With further prayer I hope to forget this information.

Renounce your false FSM; repent and accept Jesus.

That is all.

Tersely Yours,

Handamiden

[Jo Freddie]

Re: A Condensed History of the World

During the Paleolithic era, hunter gatherers had access to large sources of protein in the form of enormous, juicy animals. Skeletal remains indicate heights of up to 6' plus in many instances.

You are referring to the findings of so called scientists aren't you? Those scientists claim these findings date to a time before the world even existed, yet more proof that this so called evidence was placed there to play with scientists heads by the Flying Spaghetti Monster himself.

[handmaiden]

Re: A Condensed History of the World

You are referring to the findings of so called scientists aren't you? Those scientists claim these findings date to a time before the world even existed, yet more proof that this so called evidence was placed there to play with scientists heads by the Flying Spaghetti Monster himself.

We agree that most scientists are fools. But a Spaghetti strand and double meatball portion deity has no power to plant evidence like some dirty cop.

God alone is the True Cop and the True Judge and the True Warden. He has all the evidence that He needs to convict and incarcerate the human race. Jesus is our lawyer and He made a deal with the Judge who is His dad-- and Himself. He paid the fine for our misdeeds with His blood.

Sauce cannot cover your sins.

Spaghetti -- even my grandmother's -- cannot feed you soul.

Two meatballs is not enough for a growing boy.

Renounce the foolish doctrine of FSMism and accept the True Wisdom that is the Bible.

Or burn in hell.

Saucily Yours,
(but not in a blasphemous way)

Handmaiden

[Jo Freddie]

Re: A Condensed History of the World

As a True Italian, I cannot allow you to lecture me on the subject of sauce. With the many arrests, incarcerations --both in criminal justice and mental health facilities-- fires and wrecked automobiles in my family history, our grandmother's sauce was the one point of honor that could not be impugned.

I have no doubt that your family have made some excellent sauces over the years, but these are still not the same as the body of our Lord and Creator and can not have the same properties. The sauce is still only a food stuff that just looks like the mater that make up part of Our Lord.

[Jo Freddie]

Re: A Condensed History of the World

We agree that most scientists are fools. But a Spaghetti strand and double meatball portion deity has no power to plant evidence like some dirty cop.

God alone is the True Cop and the True Judge and the True Warden. He has all the evidence that He needs to convict and incarcerate the human race. Jesus is our lawyer and He made a deal with the Judge who is His dad-- and Himself. He paid the fine for our misdeeds with His blood.

Sauce cannot cover your sins.

Spaghetti -- even my grandmother's -- cannot feed you soul.

Two meatballs is not enough for a growing boy.

Renounce the foolish doctrine of FSMism and accept the True Wisdom that is the Bible.

Or burn in hell.

Saucily Yours,
(but not in a blasphemous way)

Handmaiden

YET AGAIN you are confusing the foods that we prepare to honour Our Lord with the Lord Himself, a pate of Pasta is not our Lord, it just looks as close as humans can get to making something in the image of Our Lord.
The Lord himself is not actually made of earthly pasta meatballs and sauce, but his being will be made of some Holy Matter that we have no hope of ever fully understanding let alone reproducing. So we make pasta and noodles in his honour as this is the best we can hope to do.

The Flying Spaghetti Monster made the Earth, The Universe, and everything therein, so if scientists claim to have found something that pre-dates the act of creation the only explanation can be that the Flying Spaghetti Monster put it there for them to find or used His Noodly Appendages to alter their results so they come to that conclusion.

[James Dewitt]

Re: A Condensed History of the World

Pasta aka noodles are satanic. The Pope worshiping Guidos swiped the noodle from the the chinks in Chinerland . Now we all know that Catliks are not Christian and the ornamentals are heathens at best. So God can not be a noodle.

[Jo Freddie]

Re: A Condensed History of the World

Pasta aka noodles are satanic. The Pope worshiping Guidos swiped the noodle from the the chinks in Chinerland . Now we all know that Catliks are not Christian and the ornamentals are heathens at best. So God can not be a noodle.

Of course a person who has been taken in by a false religion such as the one you follow would be misguided enough to believe such a false hood

[Piet Piraat]

Re: A Condensed History of the World

Of course a person who has been taken in by a false religion such as the one you follow would be misguided enough to believe such a false hood

Ramen


this whole forum is proof of that...

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: A Condensed History of the World

Filthy godmocking scum!

[Alterboy]

Re: A Condensed History of the World

Wouldn't it be ironic if God smited them with gluten-intolerance or a wheat allergy? LOL!

[Paragon of virtue]

Re: A Condensed History of the World

When I saw how old this thread was I was hoping that Jo Freddie's remains were found in a basement along with that witch's.