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  • Ezekiel Bathfire
    Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
    Christ's Rottweiler
     
    • Jan 2008
    • 22898

    #1

    Lolcatz Bible - a new affront to God!

    I am as tolerant as the next True Christian™ but there are some things that have to be an abomination unto the Lord. If you thought the NIV was blasphemous (and you are correct, it is) then this parody of Genesis and the rest of KJV1611 will have you writing to your representative to have him repeal the 1st Amendment.

    http://www.lolcatbible.com/index.php?title=Genesis_1
    Boreded Ceiling Cat makinkgz Urf n stuffs

    1 Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem.
    2 Da Urfs no had shapez An haded dark face, An Ceiling Cat rode invisible bike over teh waterz.
    3 At start, no has lyte. An Ceiling Cat sayz, i can haz lite? An lite wuz.
    4 An Ceiling Cat sawed teh lite, to seez stuffs, An splitted teh lite from dark but taht wuz ok cuz kittehs can see in teh dark An not tripz over nethin.

    5 An Ceiling Cat sayed light Day An dark no Day. It were FURST!!!1
    6 An Ceiling Cat sayed, im in ur waterz makin a ceiling. But he no yet make a ur. An he maded a hole in teh Ceiling.

    7 An Ceiling Cat doed teh skiez with waterz down An waterz up. It happen.

    8 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has teh firmmint wich iz funny bibel naim 4 ceiling, so wuz teh twoth day.
    9 An Ceiling Cat gotted all teh waterz in ur base, An Ceiling Cat hadz dry placez cuz kittehs DO NOT WANT get wet.10 An Ceiling Cat called no waterz urth and waters oshun. Iz good.
    Vile. If someone could take this creature to the vet, I'd be obliged.
    sigpic


    “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

    Author of such illuminating essays as,
    Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
  • apple9
    Unsaved trash
    • Aug 2009
    • 35

    #2
    Re: Lolcatz Bible - a new affront to God!


    this is another example.
    Apples Not all of us are evil.

    Comment

    • Rev. M. Rodimer
      Honorary True Christian™
      Forum Member
      • May 2008
      • 13996

      #3
      Re: Lolcatz Bible - a new affront to God!

      Brother, it's the whole Bible, not just Genesis!

      Is it true that this is actually the "Today's New International Version"?

      18 Now, teh burth of teh Christ was liek dis: After Marry and Joseph waz all "We's gonna get marrieded, kthnx", but befoor dey cood hav hankiez pankiez Mary was all preggarz from Teh Ceiling Cat.

      19 Joseph was liek "I has virjn - NOOOO dey be stealin my virjn! Must hied hur".

      20 But when he was tihnkin, zomg, a BirdCat frm Ceiling Cat was liek, "Oh hai! Iz in ur dreemz, givin u messij. Don be scairdy cat. Taek Mary as ur wife - is virjn. But teh Forse is strong in tihs wun, lol! HovrCat is on hur, givn hur babby, srsly." So Joseph was liek " Oh yey. Iz gonna luv him and squeez him and call him George."

      21 But BirdCat was liek "No, you gonna call him Happy Cat. cuz he save kittehs frum bein bad kittehs. Kthxbai."

      22 So all dis was all did cuz Ceiling Cat had sed it wud be. Him proffit was all liek:

      23 "Hay guise, luk! teh virjn is all preggers, and dey gonna call him A-manual", dat be joospeek for "Ceiling Cat wit us"

      24 Then Joseph walked up, dun wat teh BirdCat frm Ceiling Cat tolded him too, and was all liek "U wit me now lol" at Mary.

      25 And dey didnt has Hankiez Pankiez til affer dey gets a son and calleded him Happy Cat. Kthnx.
      Bible boring? Nonsense!
      Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
      You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!

      Comment

      • Pastor Isaac Peters
        Senior Pastor
        Ex-liberal; converted to True Christianity™
        Always Biblically correct
        True Christian™
        • Sep 2006
        • 10639

        #4
        Re: Lolcatz Bible - a new affront to God!

        It looks as though some twisted anti-religious bigot wants to mock both Almighty God and our dear Sister-in-Christ Petal.
        This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

        Questions to ask liberal "Christians"Things that the Bible doesn't sayTolerance

        sigpic

        Comment

        • Pastor Ezekiel
          Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
           
          • Sep 2006
          • 78556

          #5
          Re: Lolcatz Bible - a new affront to God!

          I am as sickened as Jesus is about this. The God mockers will obviously stop at nothing to destroy Christianity.

          I suppose next they'll come out with an african "Bible" full of clicks and grunts.
          Who Will Jesus Damn?

          Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

          Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

          Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

          Comment

          • Peacefully Hindu
            Unsaved trash, elephantboy worshiper
            Under Investigation
            • Sep 2009
            • 7

            #6
            Re: Lolcatz Bible - a new affront to God!

            It is as much an affront to god as is the drawing of Mohammed in cartoon form.

            I urge you not to take such action as was undertaken before by a minority of Muslims when confronted with a similar affront. Simply disagree, but do not make a fuss.
            1 John 2:22 Who is a liar but he that denieth that Jesus is the Christ? He is antichrist, that denieth the Father and the Son.
            23:Whosoever denieth the Son, the same hath not the Father: he that acknowledgeth the Son hath the Father also.

            Comment

            • Robert Hutchins
              Forum Member
              Forum Member
              • Sep 2009
              • 210

              #7
              Re: Lolcatz Bible - a new affront to God!

              We have a right to fuss. Our True Lord is being insulted. The Muslims had no right to fuss because their deity was as real as the cartoon character.
              Cling to your guns and religion. "Change" is here.

              Comment

              • Peacefully Hindu
                Unsaved trash, elephantboy worshiper
                Under Investigation
                • Sep 2009
                • 7

                #8
                Re: Lolcatz Bible - a new affront to God!

                Well that is an argument in itself.

                In any case, whether Allah is real or not is irrelevent, they beleive him to be, and so they are offended.
                1 John 2:22 Who is a liar but he that denieth that Jesus is the Christ? He is antichrist, that denieth the Father and the Son.
                23:Whosoever denieth the Son, the same hath not the Father: he that acknowledgeth the Son hath the Father also.

                Comment

                • Robert Hutchins
                  Forum Member
                  Forum Member
                  • Sep 2009
                  • 210

                  #9
                  Re: Lolcatz Bible - a new affront to God!

                  They are wrong, and their existence offends me. That is how politics should work, protecting True Christians from Mudslime scum.
                  Cling to your guns and religion. "Change" is here.

                  Comment

                  • Peacefully Hindu
                    Unsaved trash, elephantboy worshiper
                    Under Investigation
                    • Sep 2009
                    • 7

                    #10
                    Re: Lolcatz Bible - a new affront to God!

                    Then how should their politics work? It is clear you and I are both unhappy with the way it works at the moment.
                    1 John 2:22 Who is a liar but he that denieth that Jesus is the Christ? He is antichrist, that denieth the Father and the Son.
                    23:Whosoever denieth the Son, the same hath not the Father: he that acknowledgeth the Son hath the Father also.

                    Comment

                    • Robert Hutchins
                      Forum Member
                      Forum Member
                      • Sep 2009
                      • 210

                      #11
                      Re: Lolcatz Bible - a new affront to God!

                      American politics should protect the rights and beliefs of Americans. And by American I mean God-fearing, hard-working, Republican Baptists.
                      Cling to your guns and religion. "Change" is here.

                      Comment

                      • Ezekiel Bathfire
                        Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
                        Christ's Rottweiler
                         
                        • Jan 2008
                        • 22898

                        #12
                        Re: Lolcatz Bible - a new affront to God!

                        Indeed! I feel that, given time, the entire population would thank us for this.
                        sigpic


                        “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

                        Author of such illuminating essays as,
                        Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

                        Comment

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