X
 
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
  • Ezekiel Bathfire
    Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
    Christ's Rottweiler
     
    • Jan 2008
    • 22826

    #1

    Allah gives a Shit

    We all have small rituals and some may be related to the bathroom. I have a thing about getting downstairs before the toilet stops flushing. This came of an incident in which my father failed to do this and lo! 38 years, 4 months and 5 days to the day, he died.

    However, when I came across this, I was amazed. OK, God tells you what to do with the unwanted stuff if you’re out camping, because he doesn’t want it on His Shoes

    De:23:13: And thou shalt have a paddle upon thy weapon; and it shall be, when thou wilt ease thyself abroad, thou shalt dig therewith, and shalt turn back and cover that which cometh from thee:
    De:23:14: For the LORD thy God walketh in the midst of thy camp, to deliver thee, and to give up thine enemies before thee; therefore shall thy camp be holy: that he see no unclean thing in thee, and turn away from thee.

    but this from the moonworshippers, including a dedicated prayer is simply weird!

    Islamic toilet etiquette

    From Wikipedia,

    The Islamic faith has particular rules regarding personal hygiene when going to the toilet. This code is known as Qadaa al-Haajah.

    Issues of chirality, such as whether one uses the left or right hand and the foot used to step into or out of toilet areas, are derived from hadith sources. The only issue which the Qur'an mentions is the one of washing one's hands especially following going to the toilet which is mentioned in verse 5:6.

    Rules

    A Muslim must first find an acceptable place away from standing water, or people's pathways or shade. They must then enter the area with the left foot, facing neither towards nor away from the Al-Qiblah.

    While on the toilet, one must remain silent. Talking, answering greetings or greeting others is forbidden. When defecating together, two men cannot converse, nor look at each others private parts. A man should not touch his private parts with the right hand, instead using the left hand for touching private parts.

    The Islamic prophet Muhammad specified that one should use an odd number of stones to clean the anal orifice after defecation and then proceed to a different location to wash it with water. Use of toilet paper in place of stones is now thought acceptable, but washing with water is still needed for purity. When leaving the toilet, one must leave with the right foot and also say a prayer - "Praise be to Allah who relieved me of the filth and gave me relief."
    sigpic


    “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

    Author of such illuminating essays as,
    Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
  • Pastor Ezekiel
    Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
     
    • Sep 2006
    • 78551

    #2
    Re: Allah gives a Shit

    Who Will Jesus Damn?

    Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

    Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

    Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

    Comment

    • Ezekiel Bathfire
      Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
      Christ's Rottweiler
       
      • Jan 2008
      • 22826

      #3
      Re: Allah gives a Shit

      Now that's efficient, it takes its own prayers with it!
      sigpic


      “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

      Author of such illuminating essays as,
      Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

      Comment

      • Brother Enoch
        The Godliest Man in Godless Canuckistan
        True Christian™
        • Jun 2008
        • 4392

        #4
        Re: Allah gives a Shit

        I have numerous copies of the Koran, I buy them a dozen at a time

        Comment

        • Nobar King
          Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58
          Christ's Guardian
          True Christian™
          • Sep 2007
          • 23748

          #5
          Re: Allah gives a Shit

          I don't really understand. Is it OK if I take a crap in the woods while I am hunting for game?
          May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

          Comment

          • Pastor Ezekiel
            Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
             
            • Sep 2006
            • 78551

            #6
            Re: Allah gives a Shit

            Originally posted by Nobar King View Post
            I don't really understand. Is it OK if I take a crap in the woods while I am hunting for game?
            Apparently if you're a mudslime follower, you have to do the Hokey-Pokey first.

            A Muslim must first find an acceptable place away from standing water, or people's pathways or shade. They must then enter the area with the left foot, facing neither towards nor away from the Al-Qiblah.
            Who Will Jesus Damn?

            Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

            Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

            Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

            Comment

            Working...