Do Baptists Keep People in Chains?

[Flat Lander]

As I've been visiting here at the Landover Baptist Church (and learning SO much) I've noticed that no one made reference to wearing chains or being chained into their "compartment" for the night.

In my current situation in the Moron Church cult, they keep me in chains almost all of the time that I'm not locked in my workspace. Should I be worried?

The Landover Baptists don't do that, do they? A lot of times when they force me to make videos for them I don't have the chains on, but here's an example of one time when they made me wear the chains during a video.

Should I be worried?

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Do Baptists Keep People in Chains?

At Landover you are as free as the fowls in the air as long as you are not a danger to yourself or others as determined by a Pastor with reference to KJV1611.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Do Baptists Keep People in Chains?

As members of God's favorite Church, we have much to be proud of! I remember my father (Pastor Lamentations Flint) telling me about when he was just a young preacher here in Freehold. Apparently federal marshals raided our community in 1971 and told us that we had to start paying our nigra servants! We had no idea that slavery had even been criminalized.

Those were some tough times, my friends. To lose such a Biblically sanctioned national treasure as slavery! We never thought we'd get on without our house monkeys. God bless our nigras. They were so much in love with our Jesus that they were willing to work for free for another 10 years. It wasn't until that high yellow son of an Injun, and former dishwasher, Al Sharpton, got the ACLU involved that we even had to pay them a dime!

Well, thank God most of our coloreds will be working to serve the Saints of Landover Baptist in Heaven for free in eternity. So I don't fret about having to give 'em a few dollars in this world, cause I know when we get to Glory, it's gonna to be just like the old days. There won't be no liberals up there to raise no trouble, neither!

Which is my way of reassuring you that chains are no longer needed at Landover Baptist. We have Christianity!