[OnYourKnees]

Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

They don't count?

So then what am I to do with all the False Christian genitalia I've detached from the original owners? I've got an entire freezer full. Rosa has carefully stored each one in a Ziplock freezer bag, to prevent freezer burn.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

[quote=OnYourKnees;20086]

Hmm, would not cheaters, as they are from OTHER (not God's Favorite) churches, count as witches and warlocks as well?

No, they are merely FALSE CRISTIANS who have the cash to pay our entry fee. It is our belief that anyone who has $5,000 cash for a Wiccan hunting license is a potential TRUE CHRISTIAN(TM).

Only if the person in question does not heed the Word of God that our suspicions develop, in which case we contact their heirs relatives to help convince them.

[OnYourKnees]

Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

[QUOTE=Pastor Al E Pistle;20074]

Ahahahahahaha! You are confused, friend, because you must have been a catlick previously. No, you don't have to cut off your OWN genitals, just those of the wickedans you bag. You see, most of them are too fat to carry back to the viewing stand, so all we require now is proof that you actually caught one. But we are watching for cheaters (mostly contestants from OTHER churches!), so don't try to get anything by the judges!

OH! Once again, Pastor Al, your explanation soothes my troubled mind.

Thank you, and THANK JESUS for your patience with my occasional confusion!

I fear one of Rosa's staff may have slipped some vodka into my morning spiced tomato juice drink, making me dizzy and easily confused. I may need to put her over my knee and spank her firm, shapely Messican bottom to learn the truth.

I mean, beat her. Yes, I may need to beat her.



Hmm, would not cheaters, as they are from OTHER (not God's Favorite) churches, count as witches and warlocks as well?

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

[quote=OnYourKnees;20066]

SCHEDULE OF EVENTS

Oct 1-10 Archery and Muzzleloading combined event. NO LIMIT but you still need to provide genitals for proof of sex.

Oct 11-21 Rifle and Handguns, including automatic weapons and hand-thrown explosive devices. NO LIMIT but (if you can find them) please provide genitals for proof of sex.[\quote]

I realize this year's hunt is over, but for next year's hunt, I must ask . . .

Do I need to provide my genitals to you, or may I just show them? I'm rather attached, you see.

Unlike some preeverts around here, my genitals have never offended me, so I see no need to cast them away!

Ahahahahahaha! You are confused, friend, because you must have been a catlick previously. No, you don't have to cut off your OWN genitals, just those of the wickedans you bag. You see, most of them are too fat to carry back to the viewing stand, so all we require now is proof that you actually caught one. But we are watching for cheaters (mostly contestants from OTHER churches!), so don't try to get anything by the judges!

[OnYourKnees]

Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

[QUOTE=Glendora Christianson;5534]
SCHEDULE OF EVENTS

Oct 1-10 Archery and Muzzleloading combined event. NO LIMIT but you still need to provide genitals for proof of sex.

Oct 11-21 Rifle and Handguns, including automatic weapons and hand-thrown explosive devices. NO LIMIT but (if you can find them) please provide genitals for proof of sex.[\quote]

I realize this year's hunt is over, but for next year's hunt, I must ask . . .

Do I need to provide my genitals to you, or may I just show them? I'm rather attached, you see.

Unlike some preeverts around here, my genitals have never offended me, so I see no need to cast them away!

[Ixi]

Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

Geez Adia, get out of here!

[eliot mayfield]

Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

OMFG YOU GUYS ARE SO ****ING SICK OK DONT TELL ME OFF CUZ I KNOW SO MUCH MORE ****ING SHIT THAN YOU OK BITCHES WHOS UP!!!!

An escapee from jerry springer?

[MoonFlower]

Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

OMFG YOU GUYS ARE SO ****ING SICK OK DONT TELL ME OFF CUZ I KNOW SO MUCH MORE ****ING SHIT THAN YOU OK BITCHES WHOS UP!!!!

Do we have a drug rehabilitation program for idiots like this??

Moon

[Brother Temperance]

Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

OMFG YOU GUYS ARE SO ****ING SICK OK DONT TELL ME OFF CUZ I KNOW SO MUCH MORE ****ING SHIT THAN YOU OK BITCHES WHOS UP!!!!

It's a good thing that, as a Godly Christian, I trust only in God, and recognise mankind as being inherently sinful and depraved... because if I had any faith in human nature, this witless jabbering would have destroyed it completely.

[adiaa]

Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

OMFG YOU GUYS ARE SO ****ING SICK OK DONT TELL ME OFF CUZ I KNOW SO MUCH MORE ****ING SHIT THAN YOU OK BITCHES WHOS UP!!!!

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

And you still have spider eggs in your hair.

Not anymore!
They've all been sent to Wu Lin's as 'caviar'.

[Remy Lebeau]

WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

So what was the finally scores.


Sadly, I didn't snag any notorious wickers. Although I did have a close call with the wicker known and "Gothic Mauler". Next year I guess...

Scores:

Witches: 13 (put down) 1(captued)
Warlocks: 5 (put down)
Demon Spawn: 1(captured)

I turned the kid over to the church. The female is chained down in our basement. I told my wife that we have a brown recluse infestation so she stays out of the basement. I don't want her to even know I have the little wicker slut down there. Her weaker female mind might fall victim to mind altering satanic spells. It's bad enough I have to underdress the demoness and wash her naked body 3 times a day and then dress her back up in that gothtard tramp outfit. she claims it's just a "sexy goth" costume and that shes a humanist. She must think I'm really stupid how can a person be a human as a religion?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

Well, these guys all had their groups of hunters missionaries out looking to capture brainwash any witches (and for the record I'm Pagan, not wiccan, BT) and so for a while, I had to use the cave to do outdoor rituals rather than just in the open.

It wasn't pleasant, but hey, it worked.

And you still have spider eggs in your hair.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

Spiders are pretty creepy sometimes, why did you stay in the cave anyway?

Well, these guys all had their groups of hunters missionaries out looking to capture brainwash any witches (and for the record I'm Pagan, not wiccan, BT) and so for a while, I had to use the cave to do outdoor rituals rather than just in the open.

It wasn't pleasant, but hey, it worked.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

Spiders are pretty creepy sometimes, why did you stay in the cave anyway?

The same reason she eats babies and molests shrubbery: Because she's a wiccan. Wiccans live in caves, it's what they do.