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  • Ezekiel Bathfire
    Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
    Christ's Rottweiler
     
    • Jan 2008
    • 22883

    #1

    The One True Religion

    I asked that you imagine that Satan hands you a metal bucket filled with ice and tells you to put your hand into it. He then says (probably in a voice of a homer Darkie) “It is cold, isn’t it?”

    Now, regardless of anything that happens thereafter, you’re going to have to agree with Satan at that point.

    So, I was searching for material about which to become morally outraged and naturally went to a site populated by atheists. This is what I read and found myself in agreement:
    Self projection as god, or SPAG for short, is a process of psychological projection in which believers redefine or anticipate the wishes of their god to suit their personal beliefs, needs, and sensibilities. In support of SPAG, believers cherry pick from scripture and devise a belief system reflecting their own personal needs and desires. This process, in the case of Christianity, is sometimes describing using the pejorative term, Cafeteria Christianity. […]

    A believer can draw boundless comfort and reassurance from knowing that they're smart and moral enough to share the same beliefs as their god. Such conviction lends perceived authority to a position that could otherwise be untenable. If God believes it then surely it must be right. There is no shortage of believers using God as a proxy for their own beliefs. […]

    [They would have you believe that] Jesus is the kind of messiah you could have a beer with, and he's certainly not hung-up on rules and stuff.
    This is garbage. We are speaking of Jesus, Who was there when God created the World, Who is a fully paid-up Member of The Trinity - not some high-school drop-out!

    Luke 16:17 And it is easier for heaven and earth to pass, than one tittle of the law to fail.
    Matthew 5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled.

    Yes, Jesus is there to see that you get to Heaven and spent valuable time out on earth to explain how that should be done. And it's done by following ALL of the Bible.

    A few Facts God would like you to know:
    1 Every verse of the Bible is God’s Word. No verse is more or less important than any other.

    Romans 15:4 For whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning, that we through patience and comfort of the scriptures might have hope.

    2 If it is in the Bible, it is True and Right and Godly – there are NO exceptions

    3 If you think you know which parts of the Bible you can ignore or if you think you know better than God, take it up with Him and be consigned to Hell for eternity.
    4. Jews, Hindus, Islamists, babies, atheists, those who’ve lived up the jungle and never hear of God, etc., and everyone who does not accept Christ as their leader do NOT go to Heaven, they go to Hell. Yes, that means your dead baby and your mother and father.

    Joh:14:6: Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.

    5. Atheists, homers, witches, those who work on the Sabbath are to be killed. (Terms and conditions apply, killing the enemies of God may not be lawful in your state; God advises secular law be followed and he will punish those who create those laws.)
    6 A man may have many wives and many concubines. A man may look to a harlot for favors. A harlot is to be stoned to death.

    That is why Landover follows every Word of The Bible. That is why Landover does NOT pick and choose. That is why we feel assured of a place in heaven. The rest of those who call themselves Christians are liars, hypocrites and false prophets

    OK, time to re-read that quote above….



    Done?

    Good. You are simply not a Christian if you think that you can take your own path to Heaven – you are on the Path to Damnation.

    Matthew 5:19 Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven: but whosoever shall do and teach them, the same shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven.

    ASK YOURSELF, AM I A CHRISTIAN OR AM I USING CHRISTIANITY?

    I leave you with this thought:

    M't:4:17: From that time Jesus began to preach, and to say, Repent: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.

    And believe me! It is “at hand” now, as it was then when Jesus spoke those words 2000 years ago!

    sigpic


    “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

    Author of such illuminating essays as,
    Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
  • Jo Freddie
    Unsaved trash
    Hateful God mocking pirate
    • Apr 2009
    • 6339

    #2
    Re: The One True Religion

    This topic is nothing to do with The One True religion, for that is devoted to The Flying Spaghetti Monster.

    It is about the cult of Elohim, that has nothing to do with God, I see nothing of Pirates, Pasta, Beer or Strippers.

    Do not be fooled by his LIES, but he can not help it, he has been brainwashed by the elders of the cult of Elohim.

    Ezekiel, I fee your Shame, but you are not to Blame.
    Posted via Pasta

    True Pastafarian™

    May my Sauce be with you!
    Read the TRUE Gospel The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (ISBN 978-0-00-723160-7)
    Get one and get with The Flying Spaghetti Monster
    The Loose Canon - HTML version
    Loose Canon Fan Page
    North American? Speak English? Thank a Pirate.
    I have been to The Volcano!

    Comment

    • Ezekiel Bathfire
      Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
      Christ's Rottweiler
       
      • Jan 2008
      • 22883

      #3
      Re: The One True Religion

      Mr Freddie, if that is your name, I have no idea why The Lord of Hosts allows you to believe what you do. I had hoped you would be a good example when you first arrived, but now you have to be a dire warning of the fate of the worshipper of idols (Is Spaghetti classed as ‘graven’?)

      I cannot imagine beer, strippers or pirates interesting anyone nor, other than avoiding all of them, how they may help on the arduous and demanding voyage to Salvation™.

      Accusations of brainwashing are futile. All that the Lord Almighty asks is that you follow His Holy and Glorious Instruction Manual completely, utterly and without exception and not think that you know better and can do “Work-arounds”.

      I pour scorn on your false god and also turpentine. Foreign food is an anathema.
      sigpic


      “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

      Author of such illuminating essays as,
      Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

      Comment

      • The Disciple
        Forum Member
        Forum Member
        • Jul 2010
        • 74

        #4
        Re: The One True Religion

        Originally posted by Jo Freddie View Post
        This topic is nothing to do with The One True religion, for that is devoted to The Flying Spaghetti Monster.

        It is about the cult of Elohim, that has nothing to do with God, I see nothing of Pirates, Pasta, Beer or Strippers.

        Do not be fooled by his LIES, but he can not help it, he has been brainwashed by the elders of the cult of Elohim.

        Ezekiel, I fee your Shame, but you are not to Blame.

        Are you trying to extort some sort of monies from Ezekiel or have, as I suspect, got it completely wrong and your attempting to donate something to The Landover Baptist Church kind friend Freddie ?

        "What is desirable in a person is kindness, and it is better to be poor than a liar."
        Exod.22

        " 1. [17] If her father utterly refuse to give her unto him, he shall pay money according to the dowry of virgins."

        Comment

        • Billy Bob Jenkins
          Family Man of the Year 2010-2013
          About as Straight and Manly as you can get
          Hates anal sex. And trees.
          True Christian™
          • May 2010
          • 8337

          #5
          Re: The One True Religion

          Now I know what to call those hopeless would-be Christians who come to us and insist that we ignore vast portions of the Bible just to please them. They like their Christianity watered down with 9 or more parts satanism.
          The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!

          Comment

          • WWJDnow
            True Christian™
            True Christian™
            • Aug 2009
            • 6312

            #6
            Re: The One True Religion

            Originally posted by Jo Freddie View Post
            It is about the cult of Elohim, that has nothing to do with God, I see nothing of Pirates, Pasta, Beer or Strippers.
            Beer is mentioned twice in the Bible:

            And from thence they went to Beer: that is the well whereof the LORD spake unto Moses, Gather the people together, and I will give them water. Numbers 21:16

            And Jotham ran away, and fled, and went to Beer, and dwelt there, for fear of Abimelech his brother. Judges 9:21
            The Christian Right: The Only Right Way to Be a Christian!

            Comment

            • Jo Freddie
              Unsaved trash
              Hateful God mocking pirate
              • Apr 2009
              • 6339

              #7
              Re: The One True Religion

              Originally posted by WWJDnow View Post
              Beer is mentioned twice in the Bible:

              And from thence they went to Beer: that is the well whereof the LORD spake unto Moses, Gather the people together, and I will give them water. Numbers 21:16

              And Jotham ran away, and fled, and went to Beer, and dwelt there, for fear of Abimelech his brother. Judges 9:21
              A place not a beverage.
              Posted via Pasta

              True Pastafarian™

              May my Sauce be with you!
              Read the TRUE Gospel The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (ISBN 978-0-00-723160-7)
              Get one and get with The Flying Spaghetti Monster
              The Loose Canon - HTML version
              Loose Canon Fan Page
              North American? Speak English? Thank a Pirate.
              I have been to The Volcano!

              Comment

              • Pastor Ezekiel
                Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                 
                • Sep 2006
                • 78555

                #8
                Re: The One True Religion

                Originally posted by Jo Freddie View Post
                A place not a beverage.
                That you are sober enough to recognize that truism gives me hope for your Salvation(c).
                Who Will Jesus Damn?

                Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                Comment

                • BelieverInGod
                  Fourm Member
                  Forum Member
                  • Feb 2010
                  • 9269

                  #9
                  Re: The One True Religion

                  Well other than the fact that Pasta boys heaven is nothing more than a trekkies wet dream of heaven (what was that about making god in your image). I agree with this post.

                  Cafeteria Christians are the hardest nuts to crack as well. I've never met a group that will stick there fingers in their ears and scream NONONONO!!!! Like a two-year-old. You can point out their errors in the Bible and they'll either tell you it's allegory, or "that doesn't count anymore." and tell us were nothing but stupid extremest that picket funerals (why is every fundamentalist automatically thought to be Westbro? I think there's only 2-3 families in their church).

                  As for finding it on an atheist site, well even a broke clock is right twice a day. Anyway, I always wonder how many of these atheists or anti-theists (the militant side) were driven away by false Christians and their cherry picking ways.
                  Drama queen

                  Comment

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