Did Shakespeare write the Bibe?

[Mistress Cookie]

I ask because I recently read this disturbing item:

Two of the most important influences on the English language were the King James Version of the Bible and the plays of William Shakespeare. Some go so far as to claim that Shakespeare helped to translate the KJV.

Take a look at Psalm 46...

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Selah. There is a river, the streams whereof shall make glad the city of God, the holy place of the tabernacles of the most High. God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved: God shall help her, and that right early. The heathen raged, the kingdoms were moved: he uttered his voice, the earth melted. The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah. Come, behold the works of the LORD, what desolations he hath made in the earth. He maketh wars to cease unto the end of the earth; he breaketh the bow, and cutteth the spear in sunder; he burneth the chariot in the fire. Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth. The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah.

If one counts 46 words from the beginning of the chapter, one comes to the word "shake." Discounting the word Selah (the Hebrew equivalent to Amen), we find the same thing at the end of the chapter. The word "spear" is 46 words from the end of the chapter. Remarkably, Shakespeare was 46 in 1610 when the text was being prepared for printing!

While there is no solid counterargument to the assertion that the Shakespeare message in Psalm 46 is purely coincidental, it should be noted that you can only find it in the KJV. All subsequent translations have either changed one of the words, or rearranged some words so they do not fall where they need to be. Why was the KJV arranged the way it was, while all other translations were different? Of course, this could be asked of any chapter, but the fact that there seems to be a pattern in Psalm 46 makes us think that it might be intentional.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++++

Was it a member of a NON-AMERICAN ACTING TROUPE (and one, like so many in his profession, of questionable sexuality?) that wrote our Blessed Book?

I refuse to believe it. But how do we squash this despicable rumor?

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Did Shakespeare write the Bibe?

I ask because I recently read this disturbing item:

Two of the most important influences on the English language were the King James Version of the Bible and the plays of William Shakespeare. Some go so far as to claim that Shakespeare helped to translate the KJV.

Take a look at Psalm 46... God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore will not we fear, though the earth Be remOved, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the sweLLing thereOf. Selah. There is a river, the streams whereof shall make glad the city of God, the holy place of the tabernaCles of the most High. God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved: God shall help her, and that right early. The heathen raged, the KingdomS were moved: he uttered his voice, the earth melted. The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah. Come, behold the works of the LORD, what desolations he hath made in the earth. He maketh wars to cease unto the end of the earth; he breaketh the bow, and cutteth the spear in sunder; he burneth the chariot in the fire. Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth. The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah.

What a wonderfully thought out theory – how solid the evidence, how compelling the numbers, look at the coincidence of the ages and years!

So good was it that I too delved, with my analytic Biblically Scientific mind, to uncover the answer to the posed question: “Did Shakespeare write KJV 1611?” A question that I must admit had not bothered anyone of note until now.

For the most obvious of reasons, I took the 90th, 95th, 255th, 226th, 234th, 324th, 435th, and 442nd, letters, marked them in bold and red and came up with solid proof as regards the viability of the theory.

If you contact some of the Ladies of Landover, they will tell you of the folly of women attempting to think. It is most unChristian and embarrassing. Your husband (or failing him, your father and failing him an elder brother, then a younger brother, then any male cousin on your father’s side, then on your mother’s side, then similarly cousins once removed, etc.) will do the thinking for you.

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Did Shakespeare write the Bibe?

Brother/Father Bathfire:

I am filled to the brim with joy that you've shot this rumor down with your mighty gun of reason. Thank you thank you thank you. I shall rest easy tonight, oh Lord.

I do not have a Man in my house at the moment, or Yay, even in my family. Would you please to "translate" a few lines from that Olde Englishe psalm into Americanese for me? I am most invested in continuing with my Bible studies, and "grasping" the Bible with eager hands.


Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled (Firstly, is this where the name Bathfire comes from?)

though the mountains shake with the swelling (I know that look!)

God is in the midst of her (A reference to childbirth, or marital relations?)

she shall not be moved (I'm not to move during either?)

God shall help her, and that right early (Morning's best time for both those things?)

he uttered his voice, the earth melted (Natch; I feel this way about Frankie Sinatra!)

he burneth the chariot in the fire (******Obvious Reference to my car crash last year, I think, WHICH started me on painkillers******)

The LORD of hosts is with us (Hey, we're a good match; Have been told I'm a pretty mean HOSTESS, myself!!!)



Anyway, is this what James was getting at?

Thank you, I do appreciate your time and consideration for this Job.

[Ahimaaz Smith]

Re: Did Shakespeare write the Bibe?

...how do we squash this despicable rumor?

The same way we quash every other despicable rumor--by quoting the Bible. There is nary a Shakespearean play without some woman dressed up as a man. It is obvious that Shakespeare never even read the Bible, because, if he had, he would have known that this sort of thing is strictly forbidden by Deuteronomy 22:5:

The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God.[/quote]

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Did Shakespeare write the Bibe?

<< neither shall a man put on a woman's garment >>

Could the quote maybe mean men are just not to STEAL existing women's wardrobes to wear?

Perhaps if they ordered the dresses or whatnot from mail order houses or some such place, AS LONG AS IT TWERE NOT SECOND HAND, AND THEREFOR "A WOMAN'S GARMENT", might that not be okay?

And if "garments" are out....what about jewelry?

See, my housekeeper's son sometimes steals certain items of my clothing, usually lingerie...and, I suspect, wears it. (It is stretched out when I return.) If I were to order him HIS OWN SET of garments that WERTE NOT PREVIOUSLY OWNED OF WOMAN, it might save both his soul and my lingerie bills.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Did Shakespeare write the Bibe?

Brother/Father Bathfire:

I am filled to the brim with joy that you've shot this rumor down with your mighty gun of reason. Thank you thank you thank you. I shall rest easy tonight, oh Lord.

I do not have a Man in my house at the moment, or Yay, even in my family. Would you please to "translate" a few lines from that Olde Englishe psalm into Americanese for me?

What you have quoted is an extract from Psalms 46 regarding the fate of Jerusalem – earthquake, floods but The Lord’s up at the crack of dawn to ensure that no claims on insurance are made unnecessarily.

There’s probably a tune to it. I’ve tried fitting a few (Rock of Ages, The Old Rugged Cross, The Battle Hymn of the Republic, etc,) but without success – I note it doesn’t rhyme either – perhaps God, in His Infinite and Perfect Wisdom, meant it to be authoritative and a bit depressing and not to be whistled.

Of one thing I am certain, it has nothing to do with Frank Sinatra or minor traffic accidents.

Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled (Firstly, is this where the name Bathfire comes from?)

No, you were not to know but the derivation of Bathfire is from the Old English baerđ [] n (-es/-) beard; facial hair and fýr [] n (-es/-) fire; a fire, a name that the family acquired around 843AD after the accident of Ælfric the Impetuous whilst using a vast amount of straw and pig fat to transmute iron to gold.

Thank you, I do appreciate your time and consideration for this Job.

Don’t call me, ‘Job’, ‘Brother Bathfire’ is fine.

[One-eyed Jack]

Re: Did Shakespeare write the Bibe?

Brother Bathfire, that is some fine preaching.

Many are the subtleties of the Good Book. For instance, the prophet Isaiah described a mighty Highway of Holiness, which only recently has been identified as Interstate-35.

How did this bronze-age holy man know the details of the US interstate highway system? God knows! (And God told Isaiah.) See http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showt...=Highway+Light for our discussion of the I-35 revelations.

My personal theory is that when the power of the Lord flooded down upon the 47 scholars who wrote the King James Bible it was a torrent of divine inspiration so mighty that some of it splashed over and hit Shakespeare on the noggin as well. Of course Shakespeare was a mere playwright and not a translator charged with producing the perfect transcription of God's Word, so his work is not holy and -- as Brother Ahimaaz notes -- has some seriously unGodly elements. But it's pretty good writing nevertheless.

~~ OEJ

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Did Shakespeare write the Bibe?

Thanks to all who are helping me grasp the Book and its Divine meanings.

I am reading it now for the first time, as I used to rely on my late husband to interpret for me. Why isn't more of the story set in America? Are those scenes in Part II? Or is "Jerusalem" King James-speak Olde English for New Jersey or something?

I am not used to dwelling so deeply on foreign characters and their ways.

[Ahimaaz Smith]

Re: Did Shakespeare write the Bibe?

Could the quote maybe mean men are just not to STEAL existing women's wardrobes to wear?

No.

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Did Shakespeare write the Bibe?

Okay. But since God restricts himslf to describing "a woman's garment", what about a man wearing a woman's jewelry? Is there stuff in the book about that? (I'm not done with it yet.)

Don't spoil the ending for me!

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Did Shakespeare write the Bibe?

Thanks to all who are helping me grasp the Book and its Divine meanings.

I am reading it now for the first time, as I used to rely on my late husband to interpret for me. Why isn't more of the story set in America? Are those scenes in Part II? Or is "Jerusalem" King James-speak Olde English for New Jersey or something?

I am not used to dwelling so deeply on foreign characters and their ways.

I’m beginning to see the magnitude of this problem. Mistress Cookie, we must cast violently aside (as one might do with last year’s Prada) notions of immediate geographical or political relevance and look to a more, how should we say, “enduring life-style guru.”

If I may summarize:
Prequel God and Lucifer fall out, God makes Satan in charge of Hell
PART I

• God creates the earth in 7 days and places Man (Adam) in Eden (look on it as a sort of agreeable Everglades)
• God has soft spot for Adam and creates Eve.
• Eve is a dumb blonde and is approached by Satan disguised as a snake and eats the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. She also persuades Adam to have a nibble
• Adam and Eve are caught out by God and are cursed to become mortal – Eve’s going to have a few problems with childbirth.
  
• The snake has to wander the earth on its belly, (which I always thought no big deal as that's what snakes do) but at the same time has to be in charge of Hell.
• Fast forwards a few hundred generations and mankind has lost the plot. Noah is told to build a very big boat and put all the animals in it (limited admission). It throws it down with rain for quite a while, everyone is drowned.
• During voyage Noah is seen to be naked, this causes jigaboos and all the other races on earth.
• The races get further mixed up when God decides that language is important and confuses the world with various varieties, which is why no-one can understand foreigners who are stupid and dirty anyway. (Look upon it as the difference in speech between, say a New Yorker and a Texan, only more so)
• The Israelites (symbolically the chosen people) are taken into slavery by the Egyptians and Moses (big chap with a beard, looks something like OEJ and was found in a river) via God causes plagues and then parts the Red Sea leads the Israelites out of bondage but “buy’s the Big One” before he reaches Israel (confusingly called Judah and other names)
• Several wars take place, God always wins, millions are slaughtered but the Israelites come out on top as basically they are God’s Chosen People.
• Nebuchadnezzar gets the writing on the wall and is destroyed
• Shadrach Meshach and Abednego survive a furnace
• Daniel survives the Lions’ Den and
• Jonah is swallowed by a whale and survives, all because of God.
• Various things are prophesized and come to pass, or will come to pass, including Jesus.
  
• Solomon has loads of wives and is brilliant in the Family Social Work side but eventually let’s himself down by being to lieberal.
• David slays Goliath, is a big friend of Jonathan and becomes the best King ever
• Other stuff happens and

PART II

• near Christmas, Jesus is born.
• Jesus is part of the Trinity – He is God but the Son of God and encompasses the Holy Spirit. (This is the bit that requires Faith, as well as a later bit, see below – There is one God and He is Jesus, God The Father and The Holy Spirit.)
• The local head honcho, Herod, is a bit disturbed and has all the male kids slain – He misses Jesus.
• Jesus grows up and starts to preach. He feeds 5000 with fish sandwiches, cures lepers, madmen, blind, deaf, etc. but by way of an example rather than in the way of a hospital, and he does it for free.
• Jesus gets baptized by John the Baptist who later loses his head to Salome.
• Jesus says that he has come with a sword to divide everyone and that if you don’t believe in Him you’re hell-bound.
• Jesus gathers around him 12 men who either record or have their thoughts recorded
• Jesus upsets the big joo cheeses and they set Him up as a patsy.
• Jesus has The Last Supper with his co-workers and asks them to occasionally think of Him when eating and drinking. He also tells Thomas (one of his friends) that he is a doubter and knows that Judas will squeal to the Romans and that Peter (a bit of a devil) will carry the church forward.
• Jesus was expecting to be crucified and says, “I will return” (McArthur and Schwarzenegger said similar)
• The Roman Head honcho washes his hands and agrees that if the joos say it’s right, it must be and has Him crucified.
• 3 days later (around Easter) He’s back from the dead.
• This frees mankind form all sin as long as they believe in Him.
• Everyone’s amazed (except the joos who are somewhat cheesed off.)
• Jesus goes to Heaven.
• The Apostles (his friends) go around teaching and preaching.
• John, writes Revelations. This is the last book of the Bible. It tells you that at the end of the World Jesus will come and about 66% are off to the Pits of Hell - generally, it is unpleasant.
  

Part III

• The pope gets in on the act, decides there’s good business to be had and starts a false religion called Catlicks.
• About 1300 years later King Henry VIII of England, who’s run through several wives gets turned down for a divorce from one of them by the pope. He gets cheesed off and tells the pope to stuff it where the sun don’t shine and starts being a protestant.
• King James gets to be King of England and God thinks this is a good time to correct the silly papist ideas and has James re-write the Bible This is KJV1611 and is His word with nothing added and nothing left out.
  
• James isn’t as free with his interpretation of the Bible as some might like and a load of people take the boat to America (look on it as a cruise)
• These guys bring their wives, children and KJV1611 and founded a British Colony.
• No-one likes British Taxes and so they dress up an injuns (to lay off the blame) and split with Britain after tipping tea into Boston Harbor (The British think of tea as being next to God, so it’s a big insult)
• Everyone of importance is now American, however the North and South fall out.
• The south was Godly and right but are defeated.
• The rest is history.

OK, you’re up to speed, get on with it.

[Ahimaaz Smith]

Re: Did Shakespeare write the Bibe?

Okay. But since God restricts himslf to describing "a woman's garment", what about a man wearing a woman's jewelry?

Perhaps I should have explained a bit more. God had already said that stealing was sinful in the Ten Commandments, so the only possible meaning for Deuteronomy 22:5 is a prohibition of cross-dressing.

The Bible does not prohibit the wearing of jewelry by men. Women, too, may wear jewelry, though not if made with gold or pearls, and not if it is expensive:

In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array.... 1 Timothy 2:9

Don't spoil the ending for me!

The ending cannot be spoiled, for it is Jesus Christ:

I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, the first and the last. Revelation 22:13 (Jesus speaking to John)

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Did Shakespeare write the Bibe?

Thank you both! If you were here, I would surely annoint your heads with oil and split a tasty calf open with my bare hands.

This book sounds loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooonnnngggggg.

Which of the movie versions do you recommend?

[Unfalsifiable]

Re: Did Shakespeare write the Bibe?

Shakespeare was a papist sympathiser (and basically a papist) whilst also a flaming homosexual (Earl of Southampton) mixed with adulterous fornicator.

[Nobar King]

Re: Did Shakespeare write the Bibe?

Is Bibe a way of referring to the bible that I haven't heard of, yet?