Cöme jöin the chürch of Satan

[Simon of Cyrese]

5 years ago I was brutally raped by 5 homosexual baptist pastors. I was distraught. I never thought those men of god, the ones who say they follow the bible and preach against sin and homosexuality would commit homosexual rape. I was disillusioned with the lies of the baptist church and found a new church. The new church was the church of satan. From the beginning i began to feel better. It made me aware of the sin and the corrupt people in the world. It also made me aware of human nature. I no longer follow all of that B.S. the baptists say we should do. here at the church of satan we embrace lust because that is human nature. We have multiple orgies. We have tons of sex, gay sex, and any kind of sex you want. We have gay marriages and tons of wedding celebrations. We also have free abortions for women who get really naughty, but in a good way. My high priest has also assured me that the baptist pastors who raped me will suffer in hell, and i will be the one to torture them. And the pastors of landover baptist better be good, because when they go to hell it will be up to me to decide their fate their.

[eliot mayfield]

Re: Cöme jöin the chürch of Satan

boring! I hear there's a sale on Stridex pimple cream at Walgreen's. You better get moving.

[VictoryOS]

Re: Cöme jöin the chürch of Satan

What's with all the umlauts?

[eliot mayfield]

Re: Cöme jöin the chürch of Satan

What's an oomlout? Some kind of midget demon?

[Led zeppelin fan]

Re: Cöme jöin the chürch of Satan

i was really looking for a church to join, after reading your post simon i realized i that i know exactly what church to join, and its not landover baptist. it is the church of satan, the only church that will give me eternal happiness.

[Brother_Percy]

Re: Cöme jöin the chürch of Satan

5 years ago I was .....*snip*

[Brother Enoch]

Re: Cöme jöin the chürch of Satan

i was really looking for a church to join, after reading your post simon i realized i that i know exactly what church to join, and its not landover baptist. it is the church of satan, the only church that will give me eternal happiness.

Good for you! Does that mean you'll be leaving now?

[Father Thomas Martin]

Re: Cöme jöin the chürch of Satan

5 years ago I was brutally raped by 5 homosexual baptist pastors. I was distraught. I never thought those men of god, the ones who say they follow the bible and preach against sin and homosexuality would commit homosexual rape. I was disillusioned with the lies of the baptist church and found a new church. The new church was the church of satan. From the beginning i began to feel better. It made me aware of the sin and the corrupt people in the world. It also made me aware of human nature. I no longer follow all of that B.S. the baptists say we should do. here at the church of satan we embrace lust because that is human nature. We have multiple orgies. We have tons of sex, gay sex, and any kind of sex you want. We have gay marriages and tons of wedding celebrations. We also have free abortions for women who get really naughty, but in a good way. My high priest has also assured me that the baptist pastors who raped me will suffer in hell, and i will be the one to torture them. And the pastors of landover baptist better be good, because when they go to hell it will be up to me to decide their fate their.

THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!

(don't steal our words, LBC; we were doing exorcisms before your founders could even count to one!)

[Brother Enoch]

Re: Cöme jöin the chürch of Satan

THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!

(don't steal our words, LBC; we were doing exorcisms before your founders could even count to one!)

The difference being that unlike Catlick exorcisms, Baptist exorcisms don't involve anal penetration.

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Re: Cöme jöin the chürch of Satan

What's with all the umlauts?

It's something that gothtard kids do to look cool and that makers of ice cream do to look upscale.

Ĺôőķ ăţ mě; İ'm ŝõ mëŧãł.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Cöme jöin the chürch of Satan

[...]we were doing exorcisms before your founders could even count to one!)

Tell me, did one ever work?

[Billybob Sunday]

Re: Cöme jöin the chürch of Satan

Brother Bob Larsen does exorcisms all of the time. And, to the best of my knowledge, he has never buggered a little boy:

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Re: Cöme jöin the chürch of Satan

THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!

(don't steal our words, LBC; we were doing exorcisms before your founders could even count to one!)

Foul demons of cracker worship and altar-boy-buggering, I bind you and cast you off of this site. You have no power over this site.

[Ebenezer Wright]

Re: Cöme jöin the chürch of Satan

5 years ago I was brutally raped by 5 homosexual baptist pastors.

Where would you find 5 homosexual Baptist Pastors at once?

[Father Thomas Martin]

Re: Cöme jöin the chürch of Satan

Foul demons of cracker worship

We do not worship bread or wine. After the consecration, there is no bread or wine-only Jesus: Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity.

and altar-boy-buggering

Again, THE VAST MAJORITY OF PRIESTS ARE NOT CHILD MOLESTERS!

I bind you and cast you off of this site. You have no power over this site.

Say, how would you like to take a ride in my time machine? (Where I'm taking you is a surprise)